#10 insecure and hate (dirty)

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(Warning mature content so if you do not like anything smut or any bad words I recommend you don't read this)

(Y/N Point of View )

now I'm not one to be very confident. but I'm also not one to be very very insecure. but when somebody just says 'you're ugly' or 'you're fat' Or unworthy of anything because you're a fat whore. i take it personally even if I don't always show it, I do and I hate it. but here I am standing in front of the mirror again, just picking out all of my flaws. my chubby cheeks and arms my very thick thighs and my stomach.

don't get me started on my stomach. don't get me wrong I'm not very fat, but I look like I am at least a cording to everybody on Twitter. that's why I hate going out and when I do I wear bulky clothes, because I don't want everybody looking at me but they always end up doing it and I hate it I never thought I was insecure.

But I never thought about it but since I've been dating Harry and his fans seem to hate me it's not Harry's fault it's his fans or at least the haters that claim to be his fans but really aren't I know harry always says I'm beautiful and I really want to believe it but the thing is there's just so much hate I get every day and they all say the same thing you're fat you're ugly you don't deserve Harry I thought that after a while of me and Harry dating we been dating for almost 4 years today and I thought it would die down but clearly not.

tonight me and Harry are going out for our fourth anniversary, Harry said he bought me a dress he thinks would look really good on me but it's really short and shows off my stomach but if Harry likes it I guess I'll wear it to make him happy and before you ask no me and Harry have not had sex in fact I'm still a virgin but I think I'm ready.

I'm just still really insecure of course we've done the other things I've given harry blowjobs once or twice and other stuff but other than that we haven't gone further than that because I really haven't been ready but I think maybe maybe since it's our four year anniversary as a gift to him and me.

I mean we're definitely been together long enough and I want to spend the rest my life with him and I love him and he loves me and I know that I just don't think I'm pretty enough what if he doesn't think I'm sexy or maybe once he sees me completely naked he'll leave me.

no no I have to get those thoughts out of my head that will not happen he would never do that actually since we've been together for four years and he has said he was willing to wait and he has so I think I'm ready no I know I'm ready, i'm ready for him to make love to me, i'm ready to feel closer to him. fuck i'm ready to feel him in me. (A/N: god whyyy so cringeworthy Zalla 🤦🏻‍♀️)

OK moving on now Harry said he was going to be picking me up at 5:30 and it's 3:30 now he has already gave me the dress so I decided to get dressed and ready now. 
(This is your outfit)

Once I was done getting ready and putting make up on I went downstairs and got my bag and sat on the couch to wait for Harry, I am excited but part of me was nervous because I knew everybody was going to be looking at me I was not looking forward ...

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Once I was done getting ready and putting make up on I went downstairs and got my bag and sat on the couch to wait for Harry, I am excited but part of me was nervous because I knew everybody was going to be looking at me I was not looking forward to people staring at me and possibly making rude comments about how ugly I look or any paparazzi finding us anything like that.

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