Mr Always Right (MxM)

Twenty four

"Mister Talisker, you can get your prescription downstairs by the pharmacy" the doctor said in a monotone scribbling down the name of everything I need while I stared at the blood on my hands, as best I could with my neck brace on.

I killed my baby. I'm the only one to blame. I killed a little, innocent living being because I couldn't listen to my husband, the man who has always tried to protect me. I couldn't listen to the one man who has loved me by choice and made constant efforts to keep me safe.

I'm such an idiot.

I robbed him from another child.

Tears stung my eyes, I heard a throat clear and with my cast covered hand I reached out of the paper. I carefully read through everything written, so much pain medicine and none of it will make me feel better. All it will hopefully do is take the pain of the long scar on my stomach away. The scar that will forever be there as a reminder. My personal x-marks the spot for where my baby was cut out.

My little girl.

Fiona Talisker. We weren't supposed to find out the gender until another month but with what was left of the amniotic fluid they could determine her gender. I don't know if I'm glad that I know or not. She was already mine, growing inside of me. I couldn't get any more attached but putting a name on her lifeless body, though felt like the right thing to do, it hurt even more- it made it more real.

Fiona was going to be our second little girl. She was going to be Jaime's little sister, they were going to grow up together, fight with each other and play together. She was going to learn to walk and talk. She was going to breathe and grow and she would have smiled but I took all of those things away from her. I took an innocent hearts smile away before she could even fully form lips to smile with.

I don't know what I look forward to most, dropping a small empty coffin into the ground or going through a very long legal process with Xan to get Streud to pay for what she did to Fiona.

Speaking of Xan, I found him sitting on the floor with Jaime in his lap, they were at the play table colouring in. He held her so close, just like I've been holding her lately. I would hold her, kiss her little fingers and her soft cheeks, listen to her strong heart beat just to make sure she was still alive.

"Hi guys" I whisper sitting down on a chair next to them, putting my crutches down next to me. I held my hands out for my daughter who willingly crawled into my lap to lay kisses on her face. She giggled and returned the favour. She knew something was wrong with me, the day she was allowed to see me in hospital was the first day she called me "daddy" instead of "cat-pee", I of course cried like a baby because she then said "daddy you will be 'kay, okay? If not then I will not be 'kay and papa won't be 'kay because we loves you too much for you to be not-'kay, okay?" And when I did start crying she shushed me and hugged me saying "I'll make sadness go shoo with hugs just for you cat-pee."

Yes she only called me daddy once but once is once more than I ever needed to make me happy.

Xander looked at me with a small smile, seeing if I was okay. We haven't spoken much but that's my fault. I couldn't speak to him. I did him so much wrong. He has tried to talk, I have shut him up. He tried to hold me, I slithered from his grip. I couldn't accept his love after what I did to him.

"Hey angel" he smiled softly.

"Got my prescription" I say softly, watching my daughter scratch at the crayons in her hands with her hot pink polished nails.

"You're going to be fine Casp."

"Yes but will we be fine? Because I couldn't care less about me right now." My eyes were burning all over again.

"Of course we will be babe. I told you, I'll love you even when you can't love yourself. We'll be more than okay because we have each other, we always have each other and nothing can hurt us when we work together. We were made to last forever angel" he whispered inching closer to me. His hand was on my shoulder.

I love this man more with every breath I take.

"I love you so much Caspiry, thank you for being so strong."

"But Xan- I- I killed our baby."

"It wasn't your fault angel, it's Streuds. She shouldn't have rammed into you in the first place, she's in the wrong. Not you and I will do everything in my power to get her off the road and out of our lives before she does something like that ever again, so that next time- if you want there to be a next time- you won't ever have to feel this way ever again and that's all I care about. You feeling better."

"Next time?"

I watched his eyes flash in fear "Only if that's what you want. I didn't mean anything by it babe... I mean I know you're not in the right place yet and I'm not trying to rush you. You need to heal first and-"

"You trust me to not mess it up?"

"I'll always trust you especially because I know how strong you are."