The Lovely Suicide Children

Chapter 6: Binghamton High School

Panic! At The Disco couldn't drown out Shayla's music that played in the car. I wasn't the biggest fan of Beyonce, but I'm sure the lyrics Shayla was singing were wrong. Instead of saying, "To the left to the left" like in the song, she changed it to, "Time for school. Time for school."

I saw her smiling and dancing from the rear-view mirror. Even though I was nervous about school, I was more than happy to get away from her and my father. The truth was, I didn't know anything about school. I didn't know how I would make friends or if anyone would like me. I didn't know how to act around people. I'm not a people person at all. I had a small group of friends back in Pennsylvania, and that was enough for me.

"Hey!" Shayla said.

I looked up and realized she had stopped the car. I often got caught up in my thoughts. I took off my headphones and looked out the window. A sign was placed on the grass before entering the school. It read: Binghamton High School.

Students howled outside like a flock of hyper ducks trying to get past groups and other people blocking the walk path that lead inside of the school. Friends greeted each other with a hug or playful punch while some newcomers walked inside, confident and proud for taking on a new level of education. Teachers slammed their car door and waved to students, greeted them, and even lead some inside. The school itself was the biggest one I've ever seen and deferentially the tallest. It was made of bricks, brown in color with white outlines around each block end. The doors were wide, limiting ten people to go in at the same time. Around the school was a nice coat of green grass with a few willow trees here and there.

"Don't worry," Shayla said. "It's not prison."

"What do I do?" I asked, not sure where to go. The last thing I wanted to do was ask her for help, but I needed it.

"Just follow the kids. They usually sit in the cafeteria and wait for the bell to ring," she said. "Now go. I have stuff to do, kid."

I got out the car, almost slamming the door. I watched Shayla speed away in her luxurious car. A few kids were already staring in my direction. I hoped they were watching the car and not my clothes. As I looked at other people, I started to feel out of style. To me, there was nothing wrong with my skinny black jeans, shirt, and open flannel jacket. Everyone else looked different than I did. I was more concerned about my hair. While everyone had theirs combed or slicked down, mine sprawled out all over the place. It was naturally that way, and I couldn't help it. Mother never taught me how to do my hair, and Vlad always told me it looked good on me.

Sighing, I put my headphones back in my ears and walked towards the school. The music wasn't loud enough to block out everyone who looked at me. I felt like a complete outcast. I couldn't help think that people were already talking about me. My hands shook and started getting sweaty as I entered the school. I listened to the lyrics, remembering that I could do this.

"Tonight we are victorious. Champagne pouring over us. All my friends were glorious. Tonight we are victorious."

The lyrics didn't exactly match the mood, but they gave me this pumped feeling that I could do this. However, with all these people around me, the lyrics couldn't stop me from feeling like I didn't belong here. My anxiety went from zero to one hundred as I walked amongst other students, some bumping into me. I wanted to do what Shayla said and follow them to the cafeteria, but everyone was going in different directions. At that point, my brain shut off and I went into a full panic mood. That meant I no longer had proper balance and started walking into the other students.

"Hey, can you watch it!" A girl almost yelled out for the whole school to hear. All eyes were on us. My eyes met hers. Tall girl, almost 5'8. Long dyed silver hair that fell past her shoulders and hazel eyes that stared at me like a firecracker ready to go off. She looked at me for a long time, and some students gathered behind her.