Chapter 25 - Trust and Deflection

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This chapter is dedicated to Prism_Sky! Happy reading :)

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Itachi pov:

"Thank you, onee chan, onii chan! We hope we can see you again!!"

Several of the children called out to thank us as we walked away from the orphanage where we had dropped them off. Saya walked backwards and waved to the children with both hands – acting like a child herself. The aura around her was exceptionally bright today, indicating how happy she was feeling to have helped those children.

"Chhe! I can't believe we wasted time on something as stupid as this! and it's even surprising because Itachi san didn't object to it." Kisame grumbled while giving an annoyed look at Saya.

"Oh shush up, Kisame san! Just because we're from the Akatsuki, it doesn't mean we shouldn't help people every now and then! Your oh-so-precious Leader sama always talks about world peace, doesn't he? We're contributing to that!" Saya scolded him and turned so she could walk facing forward.

"Yeah yeah, whatever kid." Kisame shook his head and looked away indifferently.

Just as we settled in silence, I glanced at Saya. She was no longer smiling and she was looking into the distance in deep thought. Her eyes were narrow, the air around her unusually tense and powerful. She seemed like a completely different person right now.

Feeling uneasy about the way she looked now, I stepped closer to her to take a hold of her hand. She blinked several times, coming out of her thoughts. She glanced at our hands before looking up at me with a small smile. She entwined our fingers affectionately and the tension around her dissipated completely.

"Are you alright, Saya?" I asked, earning a curious and disbelieving glance from Kisame.

It wasn't like me to bother about anyone's wellbeing, let along ask them about it. I was always silent, speaking only when necessary and on topics only concerning the Akatsuki and its goals. That stoic façade crumbled effortlessly when it came to Saya – especially off late. Ever since I told her that I needed her and I loved her a mere twenty four hours ago, or probably just a little over than that, I couldn't take my eyes off her. Wherever she went, my eyes followed. Whatever she spoke, my ears listened. Whenever she was close by, I involuntarily reached out to touch her and confirm to myself that she was there beside me and I wasn't just hallucinating.

Despite the way I behaved now, I had hesitated to express myself honestly after the time I confessed to her. I was terrified of what I was doing. I was desperate to hold her in a close embrace, to shower her with every bit of affection I could, to show her how much she meant to me. But I couldn't bring myself to do so. I couldn't even kiss her.

I was afraid that the past would repeat itself. Everything that I held close to me, that I considered important would be destroyed by me – because I was too weak to fight for what I wanted personally. I had barely held out when I killed my family. My parents knew everything I had done, accepted to be killed by their son's hands and still entrusted me with protecting Sasuke. I tortured the only family I had left and it hurt so much inside every time that I wondered if I still had all my organs intact. But it had to be done and no matter how much it destroyed me on the inside, I clung on to my life desperately.

I was no longer holding on to my resolve now though. I was holding on to Saya. I was too desperate to live in her embrace – it overpowered all my rational thoughts and all of the resolve I had lived with till today. And one thing was for sure – if I lost Saya, if I became the reason for her disappearing in any way, I would no longer be sane.

"I'm fine, Itachi. Just.....thinking." She replied, her smile seeming to be halfhearted.

I didn't know what to respond to her and neither did I get a chance to. She looked away from me and to the side once again getting lost in thought. I hesitated to break her from her thoughts for the second time so I merely continued to hold her hand as we walked.

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