What Have I Done to Us? (Phanfiction)

Chapter Seven - "Is This The Early Stages Of Realisation?"

"Phil's POV"

My heart was beating uncontrollably out of my chest as I was going through all the possible reactions that Milly could have, if I told her that I kissed Dan. But I couldn't just lie to her and say I got caught up, because that's just stupid. But then again, she doesn't know, that I know about her plan with Dan to meet me, which I'm still annoyed at. So I decide to just go with it, and tell her exactly what happened, even the part where I found out that she called Dan.

"Well Phil, honey? What took you so long? What happened to getting us coffee?" Milly started, playing dumb and throwing the questions at me, one straight after the other so it didn't give me a chance to answer.

"Uh, well... I suppose I kinda got caught up talking to the waiter that served me... " I began, while Milly just gave me an eager stare, telling me to continue my explanation.

"And uhm... as I was turning to leave, I saw Dan across the Starbucks sitting by himself. So, since I haven't seen him for three years, I took the opportunity to catch up. I just went and sat with him for a bit, and we talked about our lives, which wasn't bad," I decided to leave out all the crying and cuddly parts, Milly didn't need to know really. "But then he told me something, that I'm kinda glad he did. He told me you set us up Milly... Why would you do that?" I asked, tears starting to trickle down my cheeks. I was still not entirely over it all, I mean I don't understand why this kinda of thing makes me upset, maybe because I like feeling independent, but I don't know, it just does. I think I'm crying because all of my emotions have just mashed together and I can't handle what's going on at the moment.

"Well Phil, to be honest with you, I did it because you just weren't being the Phil you were when I first met you, when you and Dan were inseparable, all bubbly and happy to be around, and now, you are the exact opposite..." Milly responded, calmly.

"As much as this pains me to admit to you Milly, I think I was happier because I had Dan in my life, don't get me wrong, I was okay with change and I was willing to move on with my life, with you, and start fresh, and gain new memories and experience, and all that kind of stuff, but I am annoyed that you took it upon yourself to "set us up" again, because this is the one thing that honestly gets on my nerves; when you take it upon yourself to make my life how you would like to have it, I'm my own person and I'd like to keep it that way" I confessed. "But after saying all of this, and having this whole afternoon to talk to and think about Dan, it did overwhelm me a huge bit and I was thinking about a lot of things, and Dan happened to be there..." I was struggling to tell her about the kiss. Milly was just staring at me with worry in her eyes and a facial expression that said "oh my god you killed him didn't you?" I couldn't find the words to say it. I didn't exactly want to tell her, but I don't really like lying, so I just blurted it out.

"Look Milly, I.... I .... I uh, I kissed Dan, okay?" I said, sort of feeling relived to get that off my chest, but also very nervous for her reaction.

We both just sat there, in silence for what felt like a millennium before Milly finally said something.

"Uh, that wasn't what I was really expecting you to ah, end the story with...." She began. I could hear her voice trembling with every word as she tried to hold back tears. Then she got serious.

"I knew I shouldn't of called Dan to sort this out, I knew something like this was going to happen Phil! I know you have had feelings for him forever, it's not hard to tell with the way you stare at Dan, but I really thought you were over all of that, I thought what we had was perfect, I just want you- us to be perfect" Her voice cracked on the last word as she too, started crying.

I didn't know how long I'd been waiting to tell her about what's making me upset in our relationship, I was kind of just tagging along hoping it would get better, which it did for a while. Now it's going down hill again. I kinda just wanted to forget about what I had with Dan, and continue with my "proper" life. The kiss felt so right though. Being with Dan felt so right. I love Milly so much, and I never want to lose her but to be honest, I don't know how much I can take of everything anymore.