Finding Elphaba (Book 2 in Endless Love Trilogy)

To Feel Again

It was still dark out when I put my journal away and went back to bed. I still feel at peace about knowing that Glinda was my friend, and that there wasn't a thing in the world that would break that friendship. I close my eyes and go back to sleep.

I watch from the shadows my face hidden by the veil and hat I wear. I have made sure nobody can tell who I am. I can't afford to mess this up. I have got to eliminate her tonight!

I spot Madame Morrible coming out of the theater, and I grin wickedly, soon I will be free of her, and once she is gone I can get rid of the Wizard. Suddenly though a group of children cross between us, and I lose sight of her.

I bounce slightly in frustration. Come on hurry up! Once they have passed though I realize Madame Morrible is no longer there. It's as if she just vanished! "No! No! No!" I growl in frustration. All that planning, all that work and for what? Just to lose my chance to get rid of Morrible forever all because a group of another nosed kids passed by!

I turn and quickly begin to retreat. "Elphaba?" I freeze at the mention of my name. "Elphaba, is that really you?" I slowly turn and stare surprised at the gentleman standing there. "Who are you and how do you know who I am?" I hiss drawing an emerald hilted dagger from the inside of my cape. He puts his hands up and takes a step back. "Elphaba don't you recognize me?"

I stare at him warily for a few moment before it hits me. "Fiyero!" I whisper surprised and lower the dagger. "B- but how? I mean it's been awhile." He relaxes and nods. "Yes it has. Five years ago to be exact."

"Has it been that long?' I ask surprised. He nods. "Yes. Five years since you stayed behind after meeting the Wizard while Glinda returned to Shiz."

"Wow..." I whisper and the memory of that day comes back to me.

"Elphie, wha-what do you mean that you're not coming back to Shiz?" Glinda looks at me tears in her eyes. "I mean I can't go back. Not knowing what I do now." I tell her as I stroke her cheek gently.

"Let me come with you then!" She says grabbing my arm. I shake my head. "Not this time. Besides, I need you to look after Nessa for me, please." I whisper. She nods her eyes filled with tears she buries her face against my chest. She begins to sob, and I continue to hold her close. I can't tell her goodbye. I won't tell her goodbye, because she can't know I won't see her again. I tilt her chin up so she is looking at me. I wipe her tears away despite the pain it causes me, because the physical pain I feel from her tears doesn't hurt nearly as much as the pain that I feel as my heart shatters into a million pieces. "Hold out, my sweet." I whisper to her giving her a small smile. "I love you." I say and hold her close again and then kiss her. She returns the kiss, and I can feel all the love we have for each other in that kiss.

After a few moments I release her from the kiss. The whistle blows and I know it is time for me to leave. I squeeze Glinda's hand one last time, and then leave the train. I don't look back because if I did I knew I would see my love desperately trying to get my attention as she cries. If I see her like that right now I would either go back to her or agree to let her come with me. Good bye​ my sweet. I think as I vanish into the crowds on the platform.

"Elphaba?" I hear a voice calling me. "Elphaba, are you okay?" He asks me. I look at Fiyero, and I nod. "Y-yeah. I'm fine. Has it really been five years?" I ask him. "Yeah five years ago today. Are you sure you're okay? I mean you sort of spaced out there for a few minutes."

"I... I'm fine. I was just thinking." I look at him. "So Fiyero, why are you here?"

"I am here to meet with the leaders for some business propositions." He says and takes my hand. "Elphaba, why are you here?"

I know I can't just tell him I'm here to kill Madame Morrible, and so I tell him only part of the truth. "I... I live here, and work here." Okay so my work is with the rebellion, but I can't tell Fiyero that. The less he knows the safer it will be for him. I am surprised he even knew who I was, but I then agian he did tell me had been sort of looking for me.

"Where do you live?" He asks a little. "Maybe we could hang out and catch up?" He shrugs. I hesitate for a few moments, and then nod slowly. "Sure. Yeah, that would be nice. Follow me." I say and slip down an alley.

We dodge crowded streets and keep to the alley ways and the side streets. It isn't long before we get to a run down old corn mill. "Well, we are here." I say turning to him. He looks surprised as I lead him in. The place is less than ideal for most people, but to me this is home.

He looks around and I can see he is worried about me. "It's... it's homy I guess." I take his hand. "I know it isn't much, Yero, but it is home to me. Sure the ceiling leaks, there isn't much." I begin to ramble, and suddenly to my surprise he stops me with a kiss.

"Yero?" I ask as I gently pull out of the kiss. "What, what was that for?" I whisper, and he smiles shyly. "I... I have wanted to do that since I saw you again. I... I'm sorry." He suddenly looks nervous. "It's okay, Yero. It just surprised me." I say giving him a small smile. "I haven't actually had any physical contact with anyone in, in a long time."

It was true. I didn't seek out anyone to care for or anything since I kissed Glinda and left her on the train. The truth was I hadn't wanted anyone else except Glinda. I loved her. Come to think of it I still do love her, but I had convinced myself I didn't despite the night we had had before. Shutting out my feelings is what got me through all of this alone, and telling myself she couldn't have loved me. When Fiyero kissed me though I realized just how much I had missed the touch of another human being.

"Fae?" I hear Fiyero say sounding worried, and I blink and stare at him. "Yes?" I ask. "Are you okay? You zoned out again." I smile and give a quiet chuckle. "I'm​ perfectly fine. It's just that... that," I can feel myself start to blush and quickly look down at the floor, "I think I really liked the kiss."

"You think?" He says sounding a little amused and I nod still looking at the floor. "Then we will have to repeat the kiss until you know for sure." He grins slyly.

"What about your wife?"

"She won't care or know. After all I don't really have feelings for her." He shrugs. "Besides I care for you Fae." He says as he kisses me again. Before I knew what was going on we found ourselves lost in each other, and for the first time in a very long time I felt safe and loved. Don't get me wrong I still love Glinda, but I know I can't have her again ever. I had heard she was married to wealthy gentlemen, and Fiyero had confirmed that when we chatted on the way to my place. Good. She deserved to have that life. The life she had always wanted, and so as Fiyero and I made love, and I let the memory of Glinda and I go. She had moved on, and now it was time I did the same.

I awaken feeling confused, and yet strangely content. As I look around I realize I am still in my own room at the cabin, and it is early dawn yet. I sit up, and look around. All I dream I realize as I notice I am alone. I sigh and lay back down wondering again if it was just a dream or an actual memory.