When My Heart Stops, I'll Give It To You

(15) Gone

When My Heart Stops, I'll Give It To You

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"How'd it go? What was you favorite part? Who won you?" Mom hit me with question after question as soon as she saw my car pull up.

I sigh, wishing that I could just go up to my room and let my mind wander about everything that's going on.

I step away from the stairs I was about to ascend. "Slow down. One question at a time." I pratically fall onto the couch and mom sits next to me.

"Ok...Who won you?" She asks slowly.

"Phillip." I try not to sigh again.

"How'd it go?" She puts her arm around me and gives me a hug.

"Great."

"Did you out bid your oppoment?"

"Yep." I'm trying to stay safe with one word so that I don't explode into talking about how it really went. I felt like a little kid being asked how their day was after school. Mom seemed to be testing me to see if I'm okay.

"Great!" Mom smiles. "What was your favorite part?"

My mind shoots to that one forbidden second with Christopher. The way he cared so much about...me.

I mentally slapped myself. Phillip won you. It's what you wanted, right?

No. It wasn't all anymore what I wanted.

The most bizarre thing is, I believe them. But Christopher seemed so upset about Phillip telling me everything. Christopher was more careful with me than Phillip was. I had lived...before and Christopher said that last time Phillip told me everything, I died.

The old photograph was real. It was me. Long-ago me.

When Phillip told me the story, he said that he was picked for me first by the Fates. So why did I feel so much more attached to Christopher?

"Honey...?" Mom suddenly looked worried, snapping me out of my head.

"Oh!" When Christopher pulled me away and pratically told me he loved me. "Erm...when Phillip won me."

Mom's smile returns. "I'm happy about that, too." I wonder silently if she knows everything.

"Why do you hate Christopher so much?" I burst out. I don't know why it came out of me. I feel so furstrated today though. It seems like everything I knew was a lie, to cover things up.

Mom pressed her lips together in a firm line. "He's the reason you were taken away from me, once. And I won't let it happen again." Then she seems to remember that I'm sitting right down next to her.

"What I mean is, your father doesn't like him, so I don't." She rambles.

I nod. "I'm going to rest. Hard day." I almost run when I hurry up the stairs and into my room.

I jump on my bed and hold a pillow tight to my chest. When I close my eyes, Christopher is what I see. I reach out for him, wanting him so badly but knowing I can't have him.

"I think I owe you an apology."

My head snaps up and there he is, leaning against my wall and staring at me with concern.

I get up slowly and go beside him, leaning against the wall with him. Wanting so badly to run into his arms.

I stare at him for a long time, taking in his perfectly beautiful features. "I thought you were "forbidden" to come and talk to me while Phillip has me." I finally say.