When My Heart Stops, I'll Give It To You

(43) Cold Shoulders

Chapter 43: Cold Shoulders

Nessa's P.O.V.

Since my talk with Liam, I've pretty much kept to myself in the safe house. Christopher had kicked me out of his room, considering the bad terms we're on, so now I'm in some guest room on a higher floor of the house. Every day, I walk past the many other doors on my floor and I can't help but want to open all of them. I'm curious about who's here, but all of the guests go to a different lunch room that's assigned to them while I continue to go to the one on my old floor with Chris, Liam, Chase, and Amber. They all seem to keep to themselves, which Amber told me it's because they're all here trying to stay low from whoever or whatever that's after them.
I just can't stand it anymore. It's the same routine everyday. I wake up, go to breakfast with a bunch of people who hate me, then return to my room for the duration of the day until it's time for dinner. (I skip lunch because I simply can't stand to sit at a table with all of them three times a day). Chase and Amber hate my guts now, and it obviously pisses them off that I'm here, so much that they don't speak the entire time. Just angrily shovel their food into their mouths with the occasional glare in my direction. I can deal with them fine, it's just Christopher and Liam who bother me. Chris does nothing but tolerate me, and I can tell that he's still angry with me for what happened. I don't blame him. With Liam, it's almost as if he can't stand the sight of me. He doesn't ever glance in my direction and it's almost impressive how good he's gotten at ignoring me. I have this constant guilt for everything in the pit of my stomach. It never leaves me, especially when l catch the deep sadness shining in Christopher's eyes.
I can't help but think that I broke Liam. He always seemed so tough, that wall he had built up all these years standing tall and strong until I walked into the picture. And maybe he was right. Maybe I need to move on from whatever the hell happened between us and focus on what Christopher and I can have together. Thinking about it, I never even told Liam I loved him back. Plus, I was confused and hurt by everything going on. I might've just been drawn in by Liam's charm and the way he took care of me. I don't know. I only know one thing, and it's that Christopher is still in love with me. That should be all that matters, but I'm still hurt from his excessive lying. I mean to speak to him about it, but the way he regards me whenever I see him changes my mind.
"Hey."
I almost jump out of my skin at the sound of Christopher's voice at my door, and immediately I curse myself for leaving my door wide open. Now he's seen me laying in bed curled in a ball of self pity. "What're you doing in here?" I ask automatically. He was completely breaking our unspoken agreement of only seeing each other at breakfast and dinner.
"I think you should come to lunch today. I can't stand the thought of you holed up in this room all day." He stated, looking a bit defeated.
"I didn't think you could stand seeing me more than twice a day." I remark bitterly, sitting up in embarrassment.
"Vanessa-" He starts, eyes looking so incredibly sad again and I can't help but cut him off.
"No, Chris. Don't come in here and act like we've been buddy-buddy this past week. I know you too well for that shit," I frown, trying to smooth my bed head down with my fingers as I step up out of the bed and stand in front of him with crossed arms. "It's obvious you've been avoiding the hell out of me."
"Can you really blame me? Every time I look at you all I can see is his hands all over you in that truck." He spit out. "Or how about the fact you were shirtless? You do realize that you went farther with that asshole than you ever did with me?"
"We didn't do anything and you know it." I snapped, not including that we would've if he hadn't of shown up.
"It doesn't matter, Nessa. I just need to know why you would this to me." He begged, no longer sounding angry.
"Christopher, you know that I'm sorry. You know I hate myself everyday for what I did. But there's nothing I can do to change it, and I have to live with that."
He sighed, running a hand over his face before regarding me with a scrutinizing look. "Look, I miss you, ok? I'll talk to all of them and get them to stop treating you badly. Just come to lunch."
I couldn't help the smile that came on my face at how he was actually trying with me. Trying to make whatever we were now work. "I'll be there."

w/c: sorry this chap was sorta short and crappy it's mainly a filler chapter. I hope you all had an amazing holiday break ❤️ school starts back for me tomorrow tho so I'm really dreading life rn but yknow. anyways, comment what you think about chris & her getting along & I hope you enjoyed this chap love you