When My Heart Stops, I'll Give It To You

(17) Desire

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"Please leave a message after the beep." The phone beeped and I rushed into my scripted lecture.

"If you don't call me back, Aiden, I might actually finish what I was about to say yesterday." I snapped, still pretty ashamed that I couldn't do it.

I put down my phone and sighed, glancing slightly at the piles of homework stacked on my desk. I push the papers away from me.

I hear my bedroom floor creak and turn around with a smile on my face. "Christopher-"

My excitment turns into dread, and mostly, longing when I see mom in the center of my room. She crinkles her eyebrows at me. "Are you expecting him?" Her voice is curt and sharp.

I didn't know what to say. Oh, well mom, Christopher comes into my room unexpectedly all the time. It's normal. I swallow the actually true words and say, "No. Just...lost in my mind. Kinda day-dreaming."

"Day dreaming? About Christopher?" She says his name like it's the dirtiest cuss word in the world.

I shift awkwardly in my seat. "Not specifically." I was so caught.

"Then how?" Mom ask.

Dang she won't give up... "I was day dreaming about everyone in one of my classes. And you came in when I was at Christopher."

Mom narrows her eyes at me. She doesn't believe me at all. "So you did that...instead of your homework?"

Now's my chance to change the subject. "Oh my goodness, I have so much homework." I turn back around in my seat and pick a piece of paper that was on the top of the pile.

She puts a hand on my shoulder. "Okay....well..."

"Goodbye." I say, waving her off. I was being disrespectful, but I needed to be alone and think. Desperately.

"Love you." She kisses me and walks out the door.

"Love you too!" I call. Once she's out and has closed the door, I throw the paper behind my pack and place my head on the cool desk.

I still didn't understand Christopher's warning. Don't go back to the meadow....it was the one place, the one thing that made believe the Christopher felt the way I did. It was our place.

The place was pretty secluded and secret, and for him to bring me there...I felt special. Jealously filled when I thought about that he might've brought another girl before. I pushed it away. Phillip and Christopher were going to fight a war soon, and it was all over me. It seemed that Christopher wasn't just talking about him and Phillip fighting, but the Fates too. They were mad that I was alive.

The thought made me shudder. I've lived before. But I died, and now I'm back.

I'm not supposed to be back.

I wonder what happened that made me come back in this lifetime. Phillip worked for the Fates or something, and he was sent to kill me. But he didn't.

I was still confused. There were so many things that they weren't telling me that I needed to know. Christopher seemed tortured by just telling me the little things. Phillip was less careful, and I guess I was happy about that.

An idea came to my head. Phillip said that I was "his" for now. So I wonder if I could ask him...

Christopher seemed so intent on keeping the secrets from me. But Phillip....

The only bad thing was Phillip made me cringe every time I talked to him.

And then a smaller, and much more annoying problem was that I couldn't talk to Aiden at all. I don't even know why he's mad at me.

Sighing, I lift my head off the desk and stare at the one dark corner in my room. I could imgaine Christopher leaning against my wall so well, I almost ran to him.

But it's Phillip who has me now.

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Christopher's P.O.V.

A burning and longing feeling was complelty filling me up with desire. To see her face, to hear her laugh, to see her full and pink lips curve into a brilliant smile that will leave me overwhelmed for days.

Phillip was asking too much of me, and he pratically fed on how tortured I was. I saw them laughing the other day, and before she ran away I had been overcome with jealousy. I have already gone for seventeen years, thinking she was dead and never knowing that I would feel her soft lips on mine again. That's why when she came back, I was so overcome with desire for her, I went off. I won't ever again, though.

She was in the meadow. The thought scared me to the point where I warned her not to go back there. After I said that, a mask of hurt registered on her face, so I had to walk away before I said anything stupid. She needed to stay away from the meadow. I just hated that she was back, but every little thing threatened to take her away from me again.

The Fates wanted her dead. They've made that pretty clear to me now. I'm on their bad side, which isn't good at all. I've already killed one of them, so now they consider me a "traitor". But the Fate had came so close to killing her, and she hadn't even noticed. And they did their killings in the worse ways.

One of the ways, is for the Fates to go into a body, and possess it. They did it to me. Which the worst way possible. I would have never be able to live with myself for that. But I had stopped the Fate before it could get me completly, then Nessa passed out.

It was the day that I had carried her off to that alley so I could talk to her privately. One of the Fates was there, and right when I was about to kiss Nessa, it possessed me, grazing it's teeth across Nessa's neck and scaring her until she eventually passed out. I wouldn't blame her for hating me after that. One Fate was dead because of me, but there were so many more. And they were very hard to kill.

But I would have to do it for Nessa. That was the plan for Phillip and I. We fight off the Fates together, then when that's done, fight each other.

Nessa was so pure, innocent, and more powerful then she will ever realize.

I needed her and when she died, I tried to do the same. Jumping off cliffs and bridges until I eventually gave up. I can't die. So I had to live with the pain of her death in my mind and heart.

I didn't want to feel that again, that desperate and longing feeling that was hitting me hard right now. I couldn't seem to shake it. She was so important and fragile to me.

And I couldn't let her fall through the cracks of my hands again.

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Writer's Comment: I know, i know. Super short. But guess what? Im tpying to you right now secretly from my BED. im SUPPOSED to be asleep. If my mom saw me, shed kill me. Its REALLY late. so i cant talk, but ill give u a nice and long chap next time AND ill talk more on the Writers Comment but right now, I have to go to bed....NIGHT:/

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