The Way You Make Me Feel - A Michael Jackson Love Story

Chapter 130 - Meltdown

Tatiana's POV

"When you were off the tour and in that accident and engaged to Paul--Michael couldn't take it, Tatiana. He was miserable....that's putting it mildly." Sheryl runs a hand through her hair, sighing out. "One night we came to check on him and he wasn't opening the door so...we had to bust it down. We found him on the floor unconscious. He slit his wrists and overdosed on some medication." she says quietly. "Greg found the note next to him...I swear--you were never meant to see it and..."  

I look down. "Because he didn't want me to know." I finish her sentence as she stares at me and sighs. 

"Tat, he didn't want you to feel worse. He realized he wasn't in the right state of mind and he didn't want to hurt you more than you already were. I mean between the car accident, and him not being able to be there, and Paul and--" her voice goes quiet. "And the miscarriage...he just couldn't handle it. Especially at the thought of losing you..." 

"So what?! I was never meant to know about this?!"

"Tat, he didn't want you to okay?! He didn't want you to feel worse. He realized he wasn't in the right state of mind and he didn't want to hurt you more--"

"Well how do you think I fucking feel now?!" I yell. "If he couldn't have told me why didn't you?!"

"Me?! When you left the tour we all tried to reach out to you! And when you got "engaged" we thought you moved on! And it's not like you would have remembered him anyway with your amnesia!" she throws her hands up.

"So he didn't think I has the right to know when I came back?"

"Tat, he didn't want you to be hurt. I mean...Frank doesn't even know. Greg had to sneak him in the hospital while Ricky and I covered him. It was hard on him Tati...he really was in a bad place...between the accident, and him not being able to be there, and Paul-- God, he was a wreck."

I stay silent looking away.

"Tat, I'm so sorry--"

"I-it isn't your fault...I shouldn't have yelled at you." I say quietly, my head spinning. 

"No, I understand.' she says quietly. I look away as the room grows silent, my thoughts everywhere. 

"Tat, are you okay?"

I nod silently as I play with the note in my hand as tears threaten to fall down my face. "Y-yeah...I just...I just need to go get some air." I say quietly as I get up from the bed grabbing my jacket. I look back at Sheryl sighing out;

"Please don't tell Michael, I know about this..." I whisper quietly as she nods, getting up from the bed. She wraps her arms around me hugging me gently as I hug her back. 

"I won't." she whispers. "Just know Michael loves you more than anything...he didn't mean to hide it from you to hurt you." 

I nod gently giving a soft smile before walking out closing the door. I walk slowly down the hall as the silence fills the room, my thoughts screaming out.

What if Michael really did die? What if they hadn't have found him on time? What if I really did lose him forever?

To come so close to pure love and loose it so violently is something no medication can heal. The thought of losing Michael scares me--but the thought of him losing his life and knowing that he isn't at least breathing and walking on this earth would end me. 

When Michael and I were broke up, it broke me. A constant emptiness filled my heart daily even though I cursed his name in more ways I could count, but actually losing him...