Lost

Scars

Parker
I got a phone call from the hospital late last night saying that Jesse was in the hospital due to blood loss. I freaked out and changed into clothes and raced over there to see him, but I could barely see the road through my tears. My stomach was in knots and I was so scared because I didn't know what happened.

I arrived there and ran to the front desk.

"Jesse Ridgway."

"Yes, third floor, room 653."

I ran over to the elevators and hit the up arrow button rapidly in hopes that would make it open faster. Unfortunately, it didn't. The doors opened and I stepped in and hit the 3 button. Gladly I was the only one on the elevator so it didn't have to make other stops. I barely gave the doors time to open when the elevator stopped, I just wanted to get to my boyfriend.

I got to his room and I saw him laying in the hospital bed asleep. He had gauze wrapped all around his forearm and some big band aids on his stomach. I walked over to him trying not to wake him up.

About ten minutes later he had woken up.

"Park..??"

He said weakly. My eyes widened and I got up quickly to hug him.

"Ow! Ow, ow..."

"Shit, sorry! I got excited."

I said as I slowly got off of him.

"It's okay..."

"Jesse, what the fuck happened?"

He was still wincing at the pain.

"I... I can't tell you..."

"What, why?"

"Look, I trust you, but I just can't tell you, man."

My heart sank to my stomach and I was a bit hurt. What did he do?

"Jesse, tell me or I'll have a nurse tell me, and I'd rather you be honest with me instead of me having to get a nurse to tell me why my boyfriend is in the hospital with gauze on one of his arms and patches on his stomach."

He stared blankly at the ceiling, but I could tell he was debating on what to say. Like he was planning a lie. I don't want him to lie to me.

"Okay Parker... Please don't get upset but... I self-harmed."

Well, there goes my heart in my stomach again. I wanted to tell him that everything would be fine. What happened to him? Why is he taking this route?!

"Why the fuck would you do that? What kind of self-harm? Do your parents know?! I-"

"Parker! Calm the fuck down. I know you've got a shit ton of questions."

He said cutting me off. I felt sick and just couldn't believe he'd ever do this. Why was he depressed all of a sudden?

"Why, Jesse...?"

I couldn't help but cry into his chest.

"I was drunk, Park. I didn't even know I was cutting my arm up or my belly. I'm so sorry."

Jesse wrapped his arms around me and rubbed my back to calm me down, but it barely worked. I was afraid that they were gonna send him to a mental hospital and if they did, I wouldn't be able to see him for a while.

"What's going on with you Jesse? Something is wrong, please tell me what it is."

"Its hard to explain, Park. You're just gonna have to trust me."

"I did and now look where you are."

I swear, I feel this isn't even Jesse. He's a completely different person it seems like. I have to figure this out.
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The hospital let Jesse go home. I drove him back to his house and luckily his parents weren't home. He lied down and took all the gauze off of him so I could help him clean them with some rubbing alcohol. I went to his bathroom to grab some cotton balls and the bottle of alcohol and went back to his room.

"Give me your arm."

I poured some alcohol on the cotton and grabbed his wrist. This was the first time I saw all the cuts and some even had stitches. I cringed at them.

"Wait, is this gonna h- FFFFFUUUUUUUCK!!!!"

"Yes, it's gonna hurt."

"Fuck you dude.."

"Maybe later."

I joked with him. He was still hissing at the stinging pain on his arm I was causing. Had to be done though.

"There, your arm is done."

"Thank fucking God."

"Now to clean the cuts on your belly."

"Fuck, why?!"

"Because your dumb ass decided to go and cut yourself!"

I yelled at him.

"Wow, someone is salty."

"You would be too if your fucking boyfriend got drunk in the middle of the night and decided to go slice himself up out of fucking depression, and if you pull this shit again, I'm literally gonna show you how "salty" I can be. I'm gonna take some salt and pour it into each and every cut that you make!"

I started crying as I yelled at him. I could feel him staring at me as I buried my face into his bed and sobbed.

"Parker, I-"

"Just take your shirt off so I can clean those cuts too and go home..."

He did what I said and I carefully pulled the patches off of his belly. I cringed again at the cuts that were carved into him. Tears still ran down my face as I pourd medicine on a clean cotton ball.

"Gonna sting..."

I warned him with a broken voice. I heard him hiss at the stinging again, and honestly, I didn't feel bad for him.

"There, I'm gonna help you with your gauze then head home..."

"Park-"

"Hand me the hospital bag."

I kept cutting him off because I didn't wanna hear his excuses.
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Reader
??? was actually beginning to warm up to Parker. He'd even say that he might actually be falling in love with him, but the thing is that Parker loves Jesse, not him. ??? was debating on if he should tell Parker who he really was or not. He figured he should just hold off for now and wait for when Parker isn't mad at him anymore.
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Parker
I got all Jesse's gauze back on and wrapped.

"Okay, I'll see ya later."

"Parker! Fucking stop and listen to me!"

"I don't wanna hear your excuses Jesse! I wish you knew how I felt right now, honestly!"

Jess stood up and grabbed my hand to pull me to his bed. He sat me down and I could see him holding back tears.

"Go ahead and tell me how you feel. I'll listen..."

"You actually want me to tell you how I feel? Fine, I feel like you're hiding something from me. You won't talk to me about any of it, instead you go get drunk, or now go slice yourself and try to bleed to death! You'd rather drink or cut than talk things out with me, your boyfriend who you know is always here for you. I don't want to lose you Jesse..."

We both started crying, me mostly but I could tell he was starting to feel guilty.

"If something happened to you, I wouldn't know what to do. You're everything to me..."

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Shit, it hurt me to write this one cause I can relate to part of it. Hope yall like this one.