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Chapter 9

HellovaHottie: It's been three days, Ciel. Why won't you answer me. What did I do wrong?

~Read at 3:27pm~

For the past few days, Ciel had pushed himself away from everyone. He didn't hate anyone, not even Sebastian, he couldn't hate him. He hated himself, for giving in so easily. He wasn't forced, he wasn't. He just... Gave in, so easily. And up until now, he hadn't really understood why. It was all finally starting to make sense, coming together like pieces of a puzzle. Yes, but with each piece put together, it only made the puzzle master feel more and more selfish. He took in a shakey breath, hesitantly grabbing his phone and opening the read messages.

LittleBlueTeacup: Look, I just.... I have a lot on my mind. And don't call me that. Please.

HellovaHottie: What do you mean, let me in, Ciel.... Tell me what's wrong?

LittleBlueTeacup: No, I can't.... You won't understand, so please

HellovaHottie: Please. I really care. Why don't you trust me?

LittleBlueTeacup: I do! Please understand that! I need time alone

His phone was lightly tossed across the bed, landing on his pillow with a small thud. He felt so weak, his entire life he has, its just.... It's so much more clear now. He wants to tell someone, he truly, really does. But he just can't, he's never even told Alois, in fear that he'll leave too. He sniffled, rubbing his eyes and burying his face in the plush pillows. He whined and mumbled helplessly into the pillow, trying to make himself feel better in anyway. All of this, all of it, started when he was just 10, because of one stupid mistake he made. He still remembers it so clearly.
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Little Ciel had just gotten home from school, and had eagerly rushed into his mansion, excited to see his father who had chuckled and lifted him up into the air. He always asked the same question 'How was school today?' And Ciel would always begin to retell the tales of what had happened in the wonderful 5th grade. Well today, he giggled and bounced slightly in his father's arms.
"Daddy, Daddy! Today-today I realized something!" He said excitedly. The man chuckled and asked what had happened, as they began to walk through the house.
"I really really like this person! They're really nice and one of my best friends." He had smiled at this. "His name is Adrian." And then they stopped moving. The boy had accidentally walked forwards into his father before looking up at him curiously.
"It's a boy, Sweetie?" He questioned again, only this time he sounded stern and angry. The boy nodded slowly before the footsteps started up fast. Next thing he knew, he was locked outside of his parents' bedroom as he heard muffled talking, it seemed to get louder for a moment before returning to a whisper. He frowned and sniffles before rubbing his eyes. What had he done wrong? All he did was share exciting news....
Only a few days later, he was sent away to live with his aunt, she was more than happy for him to be staying with her for awhile. He, of course, didn't understand, maybe his parents were just going to be busy for awhile. They waved him off and smiled, his mom even looked like she could cry. He waved and smiled softly.
"Bye Mama, bye Daddy! I'll see you soon!" He waved again as Madam Red's car drove off.
He didn't see them again. And that's what triggered this horrible stage of events, his life seemed to crumble down, like it was a building that had been through too much. When he hit age 12, he really began to understand what that crush two years ago meant and what his parents had thought of it. He blamed himself, had constant panic attacks. And sadly started to get into not bad habits, fortunately his Aunt had caught him in time, grabbed the razor away and consoled him until he fell asleep. Little did she know the the scars he had and how long they had been there.
For years after that, he always did his best to please everyone. He did everything, anyone asked as he always looked for constant appreciation. He didn't want to sound selfish, he just felt that if someone did like what he did, they hated every part of him. Of course that's not true but that's sadly, just how his broken little mind and heart worked. When he had reached the age of 15 he turned to social media for approval. Whenever he posted he got called 'stunning' 'adorable' 'hansome' 'perfect'. It made him feel so wanted and finally, finally accepted. Sure, there was the occasional pervert, asking for nudes or something like that, they were blocked and he moved on. Although, secretly, he liked the fact that he basically controlled them, and drank up the extra attention. Eventually meeting friends online and slowly expanding to gain more, he decided to never share his full story, perhaps maybe not even the smallest bits. However, when Sebastian messaged him he felt an instant spark. He felt something he hadn't in a very long time.
He felt trust, he felt like he was needed. Maybe that's the only reason, maybe because this was one of the most sudden and strongest crushes he had, had in awhile. He didn't know anymore, suddenly the puzzle was broken apart again and all the pieces jumbled together into another undecipherable mess. He cried out this time though, turning his attention back to the phone. Then his gaze traveled towards his arms, ever so slowly he pushed up his sleeves revealing the many scarred lines across and up them, he sniffles and held back tears as he kept them up and unlocked his phone.