You Know Nothing || Cersei Lannister (GxG)

XXX.

I just wanted to take a minute to thank all the people reading, and voting, and commenting, and adding my story to their reading list, it means a lot, and I appreciate it. We had 1k last Sunday and 2k five days later! Have a good night, loves😙

<Paityn Stark>

"You look lovely today." Loras said after a long, uncomfortable silence.

"Please." I sighed, my eyes looking over the same patch of multicolored roses; pink, yellow, orange, red, purple, and white... standing a safe distance away from the young knight. "I'm wearing trousers. Spare me your courtesies."

"There's nothing wrong with trousers." He shrugged.

"On men." I rolled my eyes, and he shrugged again. I could tell he was trying to be gentle and light of heart, but from the way his shoulders and face moved, he looked as indecisive as I felt.

"I told you that I once knew a woman who wore clothes like a man-"

"And she knocked you onto your arse, yes, you've told me the story."

He was silent for a moment, staring blankly down at the bed of roses, reaching down to pluck one from the dirt. "Forgive me, I was just trying to make the best of our circumstances." He said as he placed the fragile flower in my hand. "You remind me of a flower, somewhat. Like my sister. Delicate and beautiful, with few thorns about you. You are growing strong."

"Forgive me, Ser Loras." I asked of him. "I'm sure you aren't very passionate about this marriage, either."

"I don't mind it, really." He tried to say, but I knew he was lying.

"You and I both know that's not true." I told him. "You're just trying to make me feel better. Well, you don't have to. Because I'm not that passionate about it, either."

"Of course." He said. "I'm afraid this is all rather awkward."

"If only we weren't the... perversions we are." I sighed.

"We're not perversions." Loras said, taking my hand gingerly. "I'm sorry that you were made to believe that. In Highgarden we simply... don't speak about it. Though I wish everyplace were more like Dorne..."

"I wish I could live in Dorne with the woman I love." I said longingly, and he led me over to a small pond, covered in lily pads and alive with small fish. We sat down on the stone that surrounded it and continued to talk.

"Would if I could with the man I love." He replied, and I found a confidant in him.

"If we were to be married, would I... would we..." I trailed off, not knowing how to ask if him and I would ever consummate.

"I suppose we would have to, at one point or another, so that you could bear me a son, but until then you and I would not even have to sleep in the same bed. There are... many a beautiful girl in Highgarden."
"Margaery told me." I sighed. "But I... don't want them."

"Paityn... I know better than most what it's like to lose someone you love. Lord Renly... King Renly... he was..."

"He would've made a great King, Loras." I told him as his fingers wrapped tighter around my own.

"If I hadn't told him that, he would still be alive today." He spoke softly, wiping his cheek with the back of his sleeve.

"It wasn't your fault." I promised him. "It was Stannis... and if it weren't for you and the Tyrell army, he would've killed my love too. I thank you for that."

"I'm glad to have aided in your happiness, my lady." He smiled sadly.

"Forgive me, I didn't mean-"

"There's nothing to forgive, Paityn." Loras brushed his thumb over my knuckles and looked into my eyes honestly. "But I'm afraid that we must be leaving for Highgarden after my sister's wedding."

"I know, Loras." I sighed. "It will be rather hard, though."

"It will." He squeezed my hand. "But I assure you that I will be by your side every step of the way. And, perhaps, over the course of time, you and I will be great friends. But until then, I can only sit here with you and listen to the sound of the birds chirping."

"I also hope that we can be friends, Ser Loras." I spoke honestly. "Or else this will be a terribly cold marriage, and that just won't do in Highgarden."

"You're very clever." He chuckled. "I like that."

"You're very gentle." I replied. "I like that."

"I was hoping that things wouldn't be awkward between us, but I suppose that when you push the Knight of the Flowers and the Queenslayer together-"

"Did you just-" I cut myself off, chuckling in disbelief. "Queenslayer?"

"The Queen is your lover, isn't she?"

"Well, yes, but-"

"Then you're a Queenslayer." He smiled, showing his straight, white teeth. I was suddenly reminded of the tales I had been told of Ser Loras and the girls who fainted when he smiled. He was very beautiful.

"You're very clever as well, Ser Loras." I rolled my eyes, leaning back on my hands. He took his fingers from mine and dipped them into the pond, flicking water onto my blouse.

"You arse!" I scolded, flicking a handful of water back at him.

"Tell me," he said suddenly, the air becoming serious. "Why the Queen? How did you find yourself falling for her? I would never betray your confidence, I swear it."

"We met in Winterfell, when King Robert came down to ask my father to be Hand of the King. She was very beautiful, and smiled at me like no one ever had. My father was holding a feast, and I excused myself to my room. She followed me, and we... were intimate." I told him, not sure how else to word it. "It didn't take long for me to fall for her. You see, I had realized my... preference when I was eleven. After my father died, she was there for me. She always told me how she would give me everything if she had it, and that she would protect me and that she loved me. I believed her. I believe her. We've had our arguments, but the truth is, I don't know what I would do without her. I know what she would do without me, though."

"What is that?"

"Drink herself to death." I replied.

"You really love her, don't you?" He asked me, and I nodded. "I wish I could wish you the best." He said sadly. "But I'm afraid that I can't."

"I wish I didn't have to say goodbye." I expressed to him, looking down into the teeming crystal water.

He smiled slightly. It seemed almost forced. "I'm afraid you have a big storm coming. Goodbyes tend to happen frequently around here, it seems."