You Know Nothing || Cersei Lannister (GxG)

LV.

   "I love you, you know that?" A small moan escaped Cersei's lips as I leaned over her mostly-naked body, rubbing the sweet-smelling oil into her skin.

   "I hope." I chimed, working my fingers into her tense, knotted muscles. She had been so stressed lately, with Tommen's sudden wedding, her frequent alcohol withdrawals, and the baby just recently starting to kick. I had taken her place at several council meetings as she feigned illness.

   "How can we trust a Stark who married into the family through the man who killed my brother?" Kevan Lannister asked, to which Tommen replied,

   "Paityn is not her father, nor her husband, I assure you. And if you knew your place, you would know not to question my authority." He had gritted his teeth. I wondered if someone had told him to say that, or he was slowly coming into his position, into being an adult.

   Cersei laid on the bed, partially on her side so that she wouldn't smother the baby, with a soft towel tied around her waist and a pillow clutched to her bare breast. "What do you mean?" She turned, making purposeful direct eye contact with me. "Do you think I'm lying?"

   "Of course not." I replied, leaning down to press a kiss to her lips. "Don't stress, my dear. It only causes more stress for the ba-"
   "Enough about the baby!" She snapped suddenly, taking me aback. "You always talk about the baby! I should've never told you."

   "W-what d-do you m-mean?" I stuttered, shifting uncomfortably under her stubborn gaze. Her face softened, and she rolled back over, sighing quietly.

   "I'm sorry." She rubbed her eyes and ran her fingers through her soft hair. "I didn't mean it like that. I love my baby, just as I love you. I don't know why I feel this way, but I do."

   "What way?" I asked. "Please tell me if there's anything I can do. I can't bear to see you suffer."
   "The thing is, there's nothing you can do." She said sadly. "I believe you when you say that you love me, but I can't seem to believe you when you say everything will be okay."

   "Why not, my love?"

   "I can't tell you that either." She shrugged nonchalantly, tucking her lip in between her teeth. "I've never felt this way with any of my other children."
   "Cersei, just try..." I grabbed her hand, intertwining our fingers. "Try to say what's on your mind."

   "I don't know what's on my mind!" She shouted. "Stop asking questions! Stop worrying about the baby! Stop smothering me!"

   I let go of her hand quickly and stood from the bed, backing away from her until I couldn't back away any more. I felt hurt, and I didn't know why. All my insecurities came back, stemming from her own insecurities.

   "How's this?" I asked in a monotone voice, my hand on the doorknob.

   "Why are you doing this to me?" She tilted her head, and I chuckled.

   "Me? Doing this to you? I've done nothing but love and be here for you since I got here and it's caused my downfall. My family's downfall. We never talk about all the problems this relationship causes, and instead focus on the good, but what happens when there is no more good to focus on? What happens when we look around and see that everything we've ever known has been burned by our desire?"

   All was silent for a moment, and then she spoke. "When that day comes, we'll rule the ashes together." Her emerald eyes flicked upward towards me, sparkling with tears and wildfire.

   "I hate the way you look at me." I said, and she frowned, opening her mouth to ask why. "Because it makes me forget everything terrible you've ever done, everything terrible I've ever done for you." I approached her bedside and took her lips in a passionate embrace.

   "It makes me feel like the hero when I'm the villain." I breathed heavily once I pulled away.

   "I don't care what I am, as long as it's with you." She grasped my shirt desperately, trying to pull me as close as possible. "I could be the Lord of Light as long as you would be my fire. I would be the Mad King Aerys if only you would be my Queen."

   "You don't have to be anyone other than yourself for me to be yours. And you don't have to be any place but here, because any place you are is my home." There was a beat before I said, "You're so sick."

   "If love is an illness." She said, tucking her lip between her teeth once more. "Forgive me for the things I say. I loathe myself at times too."

   "I never loathe you, only sometimes your actions, your words. They hurt more than you'd think."
   She tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, situating her hand underneath my jaw. "I hope that one day I can control my mouth, so I don't hurt you any longer. I hate that I hurt you. It's just... no one has ever cared for me like you do. After all this time, I'm still not used to it. Especially with the baby-"

   "Shh," I pressed a gentle finger to her lips. "Let's not talk about the baby. This is about you."

   "Why can't it be about you?" She asked. "You must get lonely, you must feel betrayed..."

   "No matter, because when I look at you... you are the only thing that matters. Not how I feel, not what you've done, not what exists around us, but you. You and your feelings and your words and your love and your warm embrace..."

   "One day, I swear, I'll take you away from here. I'll take you and Tommen and Myrcella and the child and we'll start our life somewhere else. Somewhere..."

   "It doesn't matter where." I told her. "And it doesn't matter how. I'll stay the rest of my days here, in this shithole of a city where the streets flow with piss... as long as it's with you."

Note: what gender do you think Cersei's child should be?  P.S. sorry if this chapter was a bit more poetic than usual, we're reading Romeo and Juliet in my Lit class and it's rubbing off😅