You Know Nothing || Cersei Lannister (GxG)

LVIII.

   "I feel like I haven't seen you in ages." I mumbled as Cersei kissed me sloppily. "I know how busy you've been, but-"

"Shh," she pressed her finger against my lips. "Less talk, more love."

I balled my fist into her dress to keep from blurting out more words. I tried to instead focus on the feel of her lips on mine and her fingers in my hair, but I hadn't talked to her since my talk with Margery three days prior. I felt as though I was sitting on a secret.

"You're very tense." She slid her hand over the curve of my hip and pulled away, her lips slick and swollen. She sighed, toustling my hair. "What's the matter?"

"I missed you." I blurted, holding her tightly to my chest before speaking. "Margaery and I met the other day. She-"

"Did you?" Cersei's jaw clenched, fingers playing with a strand of my hair.

"She was worried for her brother, I told her not to worry- he would have a fair trial." I said, deliberately leaving out the rest.

"That's what you were so anxious to tell me?" She raised an eyebrow and I squirmed slightly in her arms.

"There's more." I mumbled.

"What's that?"

"She still loves me!" I raised my voice, letting my hands fall to my sides. "Always has. I can't really... control it. I've pushed her away, but she keeps coming back. Why?" I asked, hitting my forehead on Cersei's chest. "Why?"

"Because you're worth chasing, love." She told me. "But don't worry about Margaery Tyrell." She said, and smiled an odd smile.

I pulled back from her, my mouth slacking open. "You didn't."
"You're right, I didn't." She smirked, satisfied. "She lied during the trial, and the prostitute testified against her and Loras."

"What prostitute? How-"

"Baelish and I... had an agreement." She said, unconsciously rubbing her expanding stomach. "He would give me a witness to use against the Tyrells, and I would let him keep his head."

"Gods, Cersei," I pulled back even further, to where we weren't touching at all. "I thought you were better than this."

"Whatever do you mean?" She asked, reaching for me, but I flinched away. "Paityn, do you not understand that the Tyrells are our enemy?"

"Loras was my friend. Is my friend. I told you that, but you didn't listen. You never listen."

"Paityn..." She repeated again, in the same condescending tone. "You can't be serious. You know that in the game of thrones-"

"You win or you die." I finished mechanically. "And only one can win. So, Cersei, what happens when it's just me and you?"
"Paityn..."

"Stop saying my name like that." I demanded. "And answer me. What happens when it's just you and me? Will you murder me like your father had the Boltons murder my Robb, and my mother? Will you have your rapist cunt of a brother push me out a window, like poor Bran? Are you pretending to love me to condemn me later, like Olyvar did to Loras?"

Before I could blink, the palm of her hand was cracking down on my cheek, tossing my head to the side. "You shut your filthy mouth." She growled, wildfire in her eyes. "Don't you ever say such things. I love you."

"Then how come everyone else I've ever loved is either dead, missing, or rotting away in a cell? And why is each and every one your fault?"
"I didn't kill your family!" She roared, baring her teeth like a true lioness. She cornered me, pressing my wrists into the wood of the dresser as she breathed heavily onto my lips. "I don't have to explain myself to you. I am the Queen."

"Until there comes another." I spat. "Younger and more beautiful, to cast you down and take all that you hold dear. You're jealous, that's why. You keep me locked away so that I won't slip through your fingers and into someone else's. You're afraid."

"I am not!" Her fingernails dug into my skin. "Lies, all of it."

"Even the part that you love me?" I asked, and she opened her mouth to reply, but I shook my head. "I don't want to hear it. Please let me go."

Her eyes seemed to soften as her grip loosened. "Tell me the truth, Paityn. Tell me what I am."
"You're a lioness." I told her. "It's in your blood. You can't help it. Just like I can't help telling people the truth and sacrificing everything. You're a lioness, and a vicious one. You were taught to be strong, independent, cold... either that or you just decided to be."

"Self-preservation is the first law of nature. Everyone has it in them- you are either taught to channel or suppress it." She made one last fleeting attempt, and I shook my head. I took her hands and kissed them, brushing my thumb gently over her knuckle. "Where are you going?" She asked as I walked silently towards the door.

"To visit Loras and Margaery, of course." I tilted my head, curling my hand around the heavy wooden door.

"I-if you leave, don't bother coming back." She said, trying to remain stoic, but I heard the stutter in her voice. She was afraid.

"The funny thing about you is- you've always gotten what you wanted, always been in control. You can't control me, Cersei Lannister. Not anymore. I'll be back in time for supper."