Chapter 36: In Which I try

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There are parts of me that 

will always remain 

untamable, messy, 

and reckless; 

but I refuse to apologize 

for it anymore.

~Kaitlin Foster

"We can tell him

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"We can tell him."

I stopped in my measurement to look at Yasmine.

"What?"

"We know your secret now. We can tell Alto."

I looked down at the instruments and thought. I felt a sudden sense of overwhelming pressure because I knew what would happen if Alto was told. He would take it away.

"No," I said, looking around at all the flasks that were boiling, the slow drips and herbs that were on the window seal and the scattered notebooks and crumpled papers that laid around the tables.

"No? Fayette did you not hear me. We know that the King is forcing you to do something. If we tell Alto and show him, it technically won't be you. You won't be disobeying the King."

I shook my head, "I...I need to do this. It is -," I caught a sharp intake of breath and clutched my stomach as the pain bloomed.

Jasmine and Yasmine stood with worried eyes but I waved them away.

"I just forgot," I said.

"It pains you when you try to speak of it."
I couldn't even nod, in fear that another pain would come to me.

"I...like doing this. I want to do this," I chose my words carefully as I tried to explain that this was who I am.

I was the girl who loved to work in the late hours of the night, bending over textbooks and thinking of solutions. I was the girl who was obsessed with the outcome. I loved the work and the science involved. Part of me had already acknowledged that I had not created x-bane only for my father. I had created it because once I started, I couldn't stop.

"It is not yours to tell," I warned, hoping they would understand my meaning.

"Fayette we can't stand to see you like this..." Yasmine and Jasmine both looked at me with sad eyes. Eyes that held pity yet at the same time, determination to help me.

"I just have to finish," I turn back to my work.

Alto said last night that he would leave in three days.

I had time still to try to get whatever I could done. Maybe if his men reported that Jasmine and Yasmine had walked into the science building with me, he would have less suspicions.

I cast an anxious eye at the window. I knew they were not allowed to come in because they did not have student I.D.s but the thought that there had been men trailing behind me, and watching my every movement made a sudden burst of anger course through me.

Though I may be Alto's life mate, I still could not understand his behavior. It was as if he and only he knew the best course of action, and everyone else was simply a distraction or did not know as best as he did.

I thought back to the decisions he had made without my consent, suddenly vaguely aware of how much I had been pulled around.

He had taken me to dinner in the garden. When I had asked for another place he insisted the garden was the best.

He had started training everyday. Though part of me knew it was for my benefit, I hated training everyday non-stop.

He had pushed me to the academy.

Now he had men trailing me.

"Jasmine, Yasmine...Do Alrick and Derick have men watching you?" I suddenly asked.

Yasmine snorted.

"Why do you think I flirt around so much."

I turned to look at her with wide eyes.

"There is one man who watches each of us. Pretty much every royal has a man watching them. It's standard procedure since we are vulnerable. The school can protect us but it's always nice to be safe."

"She likes that our guards reports everything back to Alrick," Jasmine said, her tone laced with a faint level of disapproval.

"Hey, your man can't even get the reports because he's in South America," Jasmine seemed to deflate a little and sighed.

"I guess he thinks I wouldn't dare act out."

Yasmine nodded, "Derek is one scary dude."

Jasmine looked down at the floor miserably.

"So.. Alrick knows you flirt around?"

Yasmine looked up with a wide grin, "Oh yes, he knows."

"But why?"

"Because I like to mess with him."

"They are a sick sick couple Fayette," Jasmine said, shaking her head.

I shook my head, still not understanding what exactly Yasmine's reasoning was.

"We heard Alto last night, how he thought you were cheating," Yasmine laughed at the thought.

"He may be a little possessive,"I said.

"It's nothing unusual though Fayette- him putting men on you. It just shows that he wants you safe. Though there is also another reason for it, but the main goal is to keep you safe."

I nodded slowly, still grasping with the fact that they were unfazed by it all.

"He means well," Jasmine said.

I looked at the girls and realized that compared to their men, my man troubles seemed like small crumbs. I tried to swallow back the taste of bile within my mouth. Wasn't it enough that I was loved and adored by another?

I was being to selfish and hard on Alto. I tried to resist the urge to ask if it was normal for werewolves to show such a dominating power- to try to overwhelm the room with their presence. If it was normal that you could practically see the darkness swirl around them.

But I held it in.

Alto was coming. My insecurities and questions would all leave my head the moment I saw him.

For now though I had to much to worry about. 

I'm bad at matching up songs to chapter

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I'm bad at matching up songs to chapter. I pretty much just go "oh this song is pretty" and post it to the chapter - not even thinking about what the chapter is about.

So listen to this pretty song :))

(It may be hinting to something that will happen in the future...mwhahaha)

Until next time, 

Loves, 

/////WORLD_JOY_/////

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