"What we had is over, Dawn. You don't have to do this anymore. You're free to go."
I traced the glass separating us with my fingers, looking into his green eyes and whispered to the phone, "So you want to know why I'm still here?"
He just stare...
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Love was over. Silas was here now, in my arms, his unruly hair tickling my chest as he ran his index finger along my stomach, making patterns. I smiled in the dim light, slow warmth still present between my thighs. I raked my hand through his curls, reassuring myself that he was real. A hundred of feelings rose inside. Love, appreciation, desire, comfort & fear.
A slow Italian Ballad floated inside from somewhere distant and Silas murmured along with it, his nose nuzzling my breast.
"I never wanted to run." His voice held regret and a shocking sense of love. "I never meant for any of this to happen."
"It's fine, Silas." I kissed his hair, the salty air invading my senses.
"What if we can never go back?" The fear in his words was so evident that it almost made me want to feign sleep and forget about it, think of it as a bad dream.
"I am willing to stay with you. Change our identity. Have a family one day." It felt right now to say those words. Besides, we could do that if he wanted, if I wanted. But, I knew that I didn't want this. I wanted us to go home and continue living our lives like they had been once.
Right now, that was too much to expect.
"What about Tim & Diana?" Silas finally looked up, propping up on his elbows, his green eyes nearly black.
"I don't know." I tried to smile. I didn't know. I really didn't. What could we even do right now with our whole world fighting against us?
He let out a sigh, the back of his finger tracing my cheekbone, his thumb on my lips as they went down to caress my neck, my shoulder. A few seconds later, his lips joined.
It was a sweet moment. Therefore, I slapped all the anxious thoughts away to appreciate it properly. His face was inches apart from mine when he smiled, "I almost forgot how beautiful you are."
I smiled back, my heart swelling just like a teenager's who had never been flirted with before.
We made love again but he was gentle and careful unlike the last time, his movements not just meant for him but for me as well. I came once but he went on with long and slow strokes. He was close. Yet, he held back and let me come again. Frustrated, I jerked my hips harder and faster. Anything to see his face all scrunched up, anything to hear my name like a prayer in his mouth. In the end, he did, muttering my name in my ear over and over.
He was sated and fast asleep after maybe ten minutes. I watched him and wondered how this could go right. It was surreal at times to think of us, in New York, going on with our lives in our house, a baby on its way. Thinking about a baby wasn't the right time, of course. Then again, if life hadn't taken such turn, I wouldn't have been thinking about a baby any sooner.
But, no, I didn't regret Silas. Behind this unopened door, I was ready to spend the rest of my life with him, even if it meant running from now on.
