Here's to Us (Blood Money #2)

Chapter 50 - Heart's A Mess

I wake with a splitting headache, my eyes hurting even at the dim light from the bedside lamp. My attempt at sitting up makes me realize how dry my throat feels. However, the glass perched on the bedside table shatters when I try to reach it.

"Hey, you okay?"

I recognize Adrian's voice filled with concern. His brawny hand snakes around one of my elbows to prevent me from falling.

"My head hurts," I moan, resting my head on the pillow. Just as my eyes meet Adrian's, everything rushes back, unwanted. I can't help glaring at him with my half-squinted eyes.

"Do you want some water?" He sits on the edge of the bed, removing a strand of curl from my face. I nod against my will, watching him disappear and return in minutes with a glass of water. Sitting at the same exact spot, he hands me the glass and watches me gulp it down.

"What happened?" I finally speak, frowning.

"You had a small accident, nothing serious," he assures with a shake of his head.

For a moment, I stare at him, thinking that he knew as well and never felt like letting me know. He shifts in his seat and looks at his hands before risking one more glance at me.

"I know he's alive," I mutter, my eyes now wide with a challenge.

"I heard."

"You knew?"

"Yes."

"Yet, you never thought that I deserved to know," I smile, bitter.

"I'm sorry, Dawn. My hands were tied." He lifts his shoulder slightly. "Besides, it was for your own good."

"Don't tell me he was trying to protect me. Cause I don't believe that bullshit anymore. Six years, Adrian?" I remind him, my voice wet and shaking. "Is that why you never..." My eyes meet his and I, somehow, know that he understands what I'm thinking about.

"Never asked you out?" He asks, unsure but at my nod, he continues, "Yes, I respect you too much not to."

I don't want him to feel uncomfortable, so I remain silent. It's certain then, he will never confess his feelings for me. I can't say I don't care because even for only a few times, I wanted him to.

But I am still in pain. I can't deny that.

My voice comes out strangled, "Why me? So many people knew but I..." Inhale. "I thought he..." Exhale. "Is this what you were talking about before his last trial?"

"Yes," Adrian nods.

"I don't understand." I shake my head.

He endeavours to explain, "Silas wanted to take Megan down."

"I don't care, Adrian." My voice trembles when I interject. "He left me when I needed him, when his son needed him. He let me grieve."

"Dawn." Adrian looks anxious enough to keep on trying. "Italy was enough for you. We didn't want to involve you in other..." he pauses, as if thinking these weren't the right words to say. "He believed he wouldn't make it. It was the only way."

I say, each word lucid and loud, "It's high time you stopped justifying what your brother did. I..." My hand goes to my neck instinctively and I hold onto it. "...trusted him with all I had and look where it left me."

He is silent when I mutter, regret and resent (where do I draw the line?), "That stupid contract."

What was I thinking? Stupid girl with her stupid perspective. Did I really think I could survive in Silas's world? Being not dead necessarily doesn't mean being alive.