Here's to Us (Blood Money #2)

Chapter 42 - We Are Blinded

There wasn't any denying in the fact that I had been an alcoholic for almost ten years. There had been time I had worn sunglasses into classes, showered myself with body mist. There had been time when my colleagues at the first publishing house had glanced cautiously whenever alcohol had been in the place.

I had given my liquor jar curious looks several times this morning after one particular phone call. But for the baby's sake, I walked away and sat in the bath tub, enjoying the lukewarm water.

Yes, someone wanted to buy my book.

Someone wanted to publish 'Disaster Queen'. It wasn't for a ton of money, not even enough to survive in New York. But it was a legit publishing house with a nice reputation.

"I'd like to offer you a publishing contract," these words were much more to me than money. I had never wolen up to book deal offers before. Naturally, I wanted to drink to make this sink. I was back in the world of books. It wasn't a typical teen fiction. It had its cliches. But there was something very humanly feeling in it. I remembered a block, my brain fuzzy for a few unhappy months at my college dormroom. I thought I had been drunk for weeks then.

There were a few influences from real life. Two of the boys in Julia's life had resemblances to Silas. It was too discreet that I myself hadn't realized until after years. Of course, it was unconsciously done. Noah Clarke and Neal Williams were two sides of a coin named Silas Dale in my darkest thoughts. Julia and I had no similarity whatsoever. The agent who had marketed 'Martin's Dilemma' in my early years of college had observed that Julia was too numb for her own good. She felt so little, she once said.

It was rather strange.

Silas, however, had his own interpretation. He had said, that she felt everything and that was where the problem was. She couldn't express anything she felt. Her constant use of ecstasy pills indicated how awful she must have felt at times. It had been years since the book was sent off to several agencies. I heard back from some, never from the others. Probably took them years to find it under one long slushpile.

Once in the closet, clad in a towel, I booked a visit to Silas first. Driven by emotions, of course, I wore the red off-shouler top Silas had once given me. I could even see my sarcastic smile while I dabbed on some lipstick. It felt as though having a bump was the most normal appearance ever possible.

Looking at my own reflection, it seemed to me that the time was changing, probably leading us to a better place. A series of events took place in the previous year: the unwanted marriage, working for Adrian, my father's accident, Silas being arrested and everything. Life had chosen me randomly. I could have avoided everything by not coming all the way to here in Silas's house at one cold night over a year ago to say that I was willing to start a contractual relationship. But all of these made me who I am today. Dawn Dale, a woman who was consumed by love, desire and pain.

Absolutely absurd.

Agent Benson drove me to the correctional center. There was only a few times in life a woman could be as happy as I was now. Only a few hours later, the last trial was to be started. As much as I'd like to see that I was right for once, I didn't want Adrian switching sides at the court room.

It felt rather strange, to think about killing him, knowing that I could've meant it. But, somehow, the thought erupted into my head once again aftet I realized I wasn't the only one visiting Silas that day.

Standing behind the door to the visiting room, I tried to hear what they were discussing. I didn't want to be disrespectful but there wasn't much of a choice left.

"Is it necessary?" Adrian was saying, more like disapproving. "There's at least ninety nine percent chance that it won't be, Silas."

"It is," Silas nodded, his expression grave. I couldn't assume anything right away. I couldn't see Adrian's face properly except for his right side while I could observe Silas easily from here. From what it looked like Adrian didn't like what Silas was saying.