Here's to Us (Blood Money #2)

Chapter 53 - Swallow Your Pain

"Love conquers all," Aphrodite promised. "Look at Helen and Paris. Did they let anything come between them?"
"Didn't they start the Trojan War and get thousands of people killed?"
"Pfft. That's not the point. Follow your heart."

-- Rick Riordan

The last time I had come here in Le Cirque, Silas had started one fascinating show. On his knees, a smile curving his lips, eyes twitching. I had sulked a lot after that. But to be very honest, it was a very beautiful moment.

I only have one question. Will you marry me, Dawn?

And I had thanked him after that.

Tonight, we sit on the exact same spot, the night feels the same, yet how different we are. Eight years have passed since his proposal. Now we're willing to end it. I don't know about him but I do.

We haven't fallen out of love, I know. Like I have believed a long time ago, it is almost impossible to look at him and not want him for once in my darkest hours. But some things don't last forever even after how much we fight for it. 

"Are you nervous?" Silas asks.

"Why would I be nervous?" I feign confidence over a sip of my Bollinger.

"I am nervous, though," he whispers, leaning forward, his voice husky and tickling.

Squaring my shoulder, I start, "So, how are we going to do this? Break it off, I mean."

"I haven't entirely been honest with you about why I brought you here. I respect your decision, Dawn but I just want you to see if it works out one last time."

I knew it.

"That's nothing unexpected. When have you been honest with me ever?" The punch is maximum, maybe too much. He reaches for an olive and pops it in his mouth. There is no deliberate motive but the movement of his jaw makes my heart ache. I know he's trying to stall this.

"Most of the time throughout our marriage," he answers, very serious.

I laugh, amused, not mocking him whatsoever. He purses his lips as if disapproving. "Wow."

"What?" I try to ignore the way he stares.

"It's probably the first real laugh I got out of you in these six years."

The small curve of my lips fades fast. It's hopeless. I don't know why I'm here.

Because you want to know how far he can go to make it up to you.

"Now, don't you think you're asking for too much?"

"Too much?" He raises his thick eyebrows.

"Yes. I have forgiven you, Silas. I have, really. But forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean encouragement. Perhaps, I am not willing to be with you because I don't want you and that is not out of anger."

"Perhaps, yes," he considers me with his confounded green eyes. "I owe you a lot of things and I'm not going to use our son as a weapon here."

I don't know where he's going with this but I listen.

"Dawn, if you had told me this even a few years ago, I would've never shown you my face. But, it's true that I know you. A 'no' means 'no', of course. Still, I know when you really mean 'no'. No disrespect, really."

I rub my chin.

"I just want to make up for the lost time, Dawn. It's after you to decide."

He looks tensed now although he's trying to keep his cool. He doesn't know that he rubs his thumb over his wrist under nervous circumstances. I do.