Whispers In The Dark

Riley

Riley

I took a deep breath; in through the nose, out through the mouth.

Everyone was gone by four. Jeremiah had left only a little while after I'd left with Robin to drop off Victoria. Some sophomore girl with red hair showed me the pictures. I went downstairs when I stopped hearing movement and voices and started to clean up; cups, food, alcohol, even vomit--including mine. Seeing the pictures hadn't gone over too well with me. I didn't get any sleep.

When I got to Jeremiah's house, I looked like shit, and I knew it. Eyeliner and mascara were smeared around my swollen, red eyes, my hair was knotted, and I was still wearing the same outfit from the night before.

I threw open the door to his bedroom. A sob caught in my throat as I spotted him, sitting at his desk, a look of horror etched into his face as he looked through the pictures from the night before on Facebook.

"Disgusting, aren't they?" I sneered.

He jerked around to face me, the same puppy-dog look on his face as the last time. "Riley, I--"

"Why?" I cried. "You've been home for five freaking days. Why did you do it?" An idea popped into my head and I nearly choked on the sob that tore through my chest. "Did you cheat while you were gone, too?"

Jeremiah stood, his hands out in front of him as if offering an explanation, physically and verbally. "Shit, no, Rye... I was drunk. It was a mistake, I swear. I didn't mean it--"

"You never mean it, do you?" A bark of sardonic laughter escaped my quivering lips. "I can't believe I even forgave you in the first place. You are such an asshole."

I stood my ground as he advanced toward me. He cupped my face in his hands. The tears in his brown eyes matched the tears in my hazel ones. "Riley, really, I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry. I'll make it up to you somehow, I promise. It meant nothing. She meant nothing."

I searched his face for an answer to my question, a truth. The problem was, I couldn't find one. There was nothing on his face that told me 'why'. There was nothing; from the dimples at the corners of his mouth, to the stubble along the edge of his jaw. Nothing. I closed my eyes; in through the nose, out through the mouth.

I opened my eyes. My heart was kicking at my ribcage and butterflies were tearing holes in my stomach with their razor wings. Jeremiah opened his mouth to speak, but I beat him to it.

"You're disgusting," I spat. And then, I slapped him.

Jeremiah said nothing. He only stared at me with tear-filled eyes as his cheek reddened. I could see he was guilty. I could see that he regretted ever sleeping with that slut. I could see it in the way his shoulders slumped over, his entire posture screaming defeat. I could see it in the bags under his dull blue eyes.

It hurt me to see him this way.

A part of me just wanted to pull him into my arms and kiss him until neither of us could feel anything that was or resembled pain. Deep down, I wanted to kiss him like I never had before. Deep down, I wanted to show him that I loved him, mind and body and all.

I wanted him to love me, too.

"You did it once, and I forgave you." I gritted my teeth and willed the tears in my eyes to stop fighting the dam. "I truly believed that you wouldn't do it again, but you did! Why did you do it, Jer? Why?" The dam broke and I hated myself for it.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. A tear rolled down his cheek.

"So am I." I closed my eyes; in through the nose, out through the mouth. I opened my eyes, and when I did, Jeremiah was merely inches from my face.

I didn't push him away. Instead, I leaned my forehead against his and just stared into his eyes. Teardrops collected on my eyelashes and rolled off like rain on a roof.

"We're done." It was nearly inaudible, but from the look of hurt and disappointment on Jeremiah's face, it was obvious that he had heard.

He pressed his lips to mine. I let him. The kiss was forced and desperate, but hardly unwanted. For a second, my lips moved with his, lingering. But then, with a gasp from me and a groan from Jeremiah, I broke away. I took a step away from him to put a nearly a foot of distance between us.

"I can't do this anymore, Jeremiah."

"What? Riley, babe..."

I flinched. He looked scared, he really did. His eyes were wild and his face had paled considerably.

"Really, Rye, we can get through this! This is just a rough patch. Every couple goes through this, but it always works out in the end."

I rubbed my eyes tiredly and pulled away makeup-stained fingers. I wiped them on my skirt. "I'm sorry. This isn't the movies, Jeremiah. It isn't, no matter how much I wish it was. Some things just aren't going to work out, us being one of them. Yeah, it was great while it lasted, but we both know that we just aren't meant to last." I turned away from him, a dagger pushing deeper into my heart with every step I took.

"Riley, wait! I--I love you!"

I froze. A steady pain began to throb in my head, thick and loud. My heart was heavy in my chest, sinking down into my lungs, making breathing an Olympic challenge. My tongue was like cotton in my mouth. Gasping words that were incoherent even to my own ears, I turned back to face the reason for my churning stomach and clammy skin, weak knees and buzzing ears.

"I think we both know that's not true."

For what I hoped was the last time, I turned away from Jeremiah and his lies. I turned away and walked home, dragging my bleeding heart on the concrete behind me, the blood all over Jeremiah's hands.