Whispers In The Dark

Anna

Anna

There it was. Almost the same question that I had been asked less than two months before.

"Are you on a diet or something?" Jessiah's eyebrows furrowed. A bag of chips dangled from his right hand, my strict "no" ringing in our ears. "I've never even seen you eat much of anything."

I shrugged my shoulders. "I'm trying to be healthier."

He cocked his head, trying me. "Then how about we go get something healthy to eat?"

I shook my head. "I'm not that hungry, Jessiah. I already ate."

His eyes were sad and his mouth was tilted downward. "You should eat something, Anna."

"I told you!" I exclaimed. "I already ate."

"I don't believe you," he admitted.

I huffed and crossed my arms. "I'm just trying to lose a few pounds, okay? I already ate, I promise. I'm trying to eat less and healthier. I'm not the only one." Liar.

He sighed, but tried to lighten the mood at the same time. "Well, if you're going to insist on dieting, then so am I." He laughed and patted his flat stomach. "I could always lose a few pounds."

I smiled uneasily. He just didn't get it. He had a flat stomach, skinny legs, toned arms... You could easily see the bone in his wrist, and the bones in his face were sharp and prominent. He was perfect. I was nothing.

His face sobered and the smile dropped. "Just, make sure to eat, okay?"

I nodded my head and smiled again. "Of course!"

I did eat something. I ate three spoonfuls of peanut butter, because once I started thinking about it, I couldn't resist.

The next day, Jessiah bought two red apples and offered one to me.

"We're eating healthy together, right?" He smiled. He was testing me again.

I smiled back and nodded, taking the apple. "Thank you."

He watched me bite into the apple. Each bite made my stomach feel heavy, like I was eating blocks of lead rather than fruit.

He bought fruit every day that week only to make sure that I ate. I wanted to despise him for it but I just couldn't. He was perfect. I was becoming more of a nothing with each passing day.

When the final bell rang on Friday, I ran out of the school. I didn't bother grabbing my jacket or saying goodbye to Jessiah, I just ran. The bus ride was one of the longest things in my entire life. I spent the time vowing not to eat. I had been splurging all week; fruit and peanut butter and even one of my mother's chocolate bars.

I didn't eat anything that weekend. I didn't step foot past the kitchen sink, ever. I only went in there for water. I slept and slept and slept some more. I didn't think about food. The grumbling in my stomach was a nuisance that just needed to be ignored. Sleep was the perfect aid, the best escape from the looming threat of food.

By the time I stepped off the bus on Monday, my stomach was pained and gurgling, and I was seeing stars occasionally, but I was more proud of myself than I'd been since before my father died.

Jessiah encased his hand in mine and I smiled up at him. I had lost a total of six pounds, though I feared that would change when I actually did have to eat something. I wouldn't tell Jessiah that, of course.

"You seem happy this morning," he commented.

I nodded, pecking him on the lips and maintaining a smile for more than a minute; possibly a record.

He held the door open for me, and I thanked him, rushing inside to escape the frozen December air. We walked to the Gym, as we did everyday. Volleyball was the game of the week, and if I hadn’t been with Jessiah, I probably would have cried.

I took my position behind Jessiah, as always.

“What are you going to do when we don’t get put on the same team?” he mused.

I rolled my eyes. “You’ll find your way onto my team, anyway. I don’t have to worry.”

He laughed.

I smiled, at least I think I did. An awful buzzing filled my ears. Cotton stuffed my head, threatening to burst my veins and explode my eardrums. I could faintly feel a groan escape my mouth, but the sound was gone. It only lasted a second before everything disappeared.