Dear Little Deaf Boy

DLDB:20

"Wait, so your telling me your skipping dance because you got into a fight with Jasper. Who doesn't even talk might I add." Bee looked at me oddly while picking at her bag of grapes.

" It wasn't a fight." I corrected.

" Right, right it was just communicating in a angry manner." She sarcastically said.

" Sounds like a fight." Nani chimed in.

" IT WASN'T A FIGHT!" Eyes peered our way as I broadcasted my frustration.

" It was a just a misunderstanding I messed things up. Now he thinks I don't want him to tutor me because he's deaf." I explained.

" Is it true?" Nani hit Bee's shoulder for asking such a question.

" No, yes I don't know it was at one point of time but not any more. I don't care that he's deaf and I don't care what other people think if I'm seen with him."

" Will if that is the case then why did you call things off. I mean Kin you guys haven't really hung out, you sat with him a lunch once and it's almost days since Mr.J assigned him as your tutor. What was the hold up?" Nani was right, what was the hold up? The week is nearly over today was the day I agreed to met up for my first session with Jasper and I called if off.

" I was scared." I admit.

They looked at me dumbfounded.
" Kinsley Pines scared? Today is full of surprises." Bee said.

" This isn't funny Bee." I stated, her smile disappeared as she heard the seriousness tone in my voice. " What are you so scared of? He's just a boy Kinsley." Bee questioned.

" Are is you scared to date again because of Fin-" she stopped her self before saying his name.

I shrugged showing her I wasn't bothered by the mentioning of his name. As much as I hated the reminder of Finn.It was something that you couldn't just act like never happened. He was my first and only boyfriend I ever had. And through out this whole story I've been trying to avoid it. Act as if he didn't hold that title. But he did. Finn Ranger and it seemed as though every one knew about our epic break up. Finn could never break my heart. He never had it. I never loved him. But that didn't mean he couldn't still hurt me. I wasn't invincible and he knew it. Damn it I knew it!

" Jasper's nothing like Finn,and even if he was. I'm not looking for a relationship right now. With my grades and nationals coming up. It isn't a good time to even get romantically involved." It was true. I wasn't looking for a relationship. It was isn't the fact that my last boyfriend was a total douche bag. It's just that I'm not ready. I couldn't balance dating, school and Dance. It would all be to much. Okay yeah Finn had a little to do with me not looking to date right now but he isn't the main reason.

" Well if your not looking for a romantic relationship. Than why not a sexual one." Nani winked. Now it was Bee's turn to punch Nani for such a dumb statement.

" I'm not looking for sex Nani. And I'm not looking for love ether. Okay! I-I just want my tutor back so I can Ace finals and go to nationals. Fuck love, and fuck sex! And fuck boys! The only guy I'm trying to please is my deadbeat father." I mumble the last worst under my breath. Not wanting the cafeteria to know about my true feelings for my Dad. I still haven't even spoke to him about the Festival in which I'm sure he would probably reject.