Things we lost | c.g fanfic [heavily editing bc I suck]

Chapter 4

A month or two later, I wake in the middle of the night screaming. Carl's shaking my arm, trying to wake me.
"Please! Don't hurt him, oh god!" I scream as I bolt up in bed, nearly hitting the top bunk. I had too many night terrors and thrashed around so much after Tom went Carl had to switch beds with me. He thought I'd fall. Crying and panting! I move my slick my hair from my eyes. It was another nightmare about him. About Tom.
"You're okay, you're okay." Carl repeats reassuringly, climbing onto the bed I'm in and wrapping his arms around me. I'm shaking my head still crying. We forged some sort of close bond after the funeral. I just couldn't handle being alone anymore. I lean my head into his up chest and put my hand over my face.
"No I'm not." I cry. "I have no one. Everybody I love is dead. I didn't get to say goodbye...to any of them. I'm the last one standing."
"Zoe..." He whispers. He pulls my body upright and wipes away a tear that's rolling down my cheek. "I really care about you, the whole group does. You're hard not to love... And I do. We've only know you a month or two. But it's long enough in this world now." He tells me. I'm shocked. This is the first time I've thought of love since the world went to shit, I'm not even sure how he means it. It's not possible for him to be in love with me... Like that. He barely knows me. And as much as I'm trying to forget, he did kill my brother. I've never loved someone before, just my family. But this group has become a sort of family to me.
I'm in love with the idea of loving someone.

I shouldn't. I shouldn't even consider it. He's the reason I'm alone now. and I know somewhere I still hate him for that. But I can't help it. I want to stop it, to block out all my feelings and emotions but if I could do that I would have done it a long time ago. I just need to be close to someone. I need to block out everything that way. By focusing on something else.
"You don't love me. You can't." I say.
"I do."
"No, you're in love with the idea of love." I explain, wiping my face dry. He stops and looks at me, almost as if he's studying my features.
"I'll take what I can get." He smiles, and then does something I never would've expected.
He kisses me.