Things we lost | c.g fanfic [heavily editing bc I suck]

Chapter 32

Carl's POV

"Terminus. Sanctuary for all, community for all. Those who arrive, survive." Zoe repeats. She's been mumbling the same phrase for the past five minuets, lost in thought. I'm not even sure she realises she saying it, or if she realises that everything she says the word terminus her grip on my hand tightens and a look of what I can only describe as fear spreads in her green eyes. Suddenly, out of nowhere, she shakes her head and looks up. For a split second she stops in her tracks, brushes a tear away from her eye, and keeps walking.

"Zoe? Baby? What's wrong?" I ask, putting my hand on her shoulder. She looks up at me, and for the first time since I've met her, she looks completely and utterly vulnerable.

"All of my family is dead. It was Tom's idea to go to Terminus." She says quickly. "I'm chasing a dead mans dream." I stop dead in my tracks. She rarely ever talks about her brother, and I don't try to bring up the subject.

"Zoe-" before I can finish, she's talking again.

"When we were little, Tom and I, we were always home alone. My parents favourited our little sisters and took them where've they went. Tom and I would always talk about going somewhere else together, somewhere safe, where we wouldn't be alone, y'know? Anyway... I don't know. I really wanted to go to Terminus...not so I could survive this thing...but because I wanted to go somewhere Tom Would've wanted." She speaks quietly and slower as she tugs me forward. I nod slowly. Then she just laughs at her self and shakes her head, looking at the ground as the tears start to pour from her eyes. I stop and wrap my arms around her, placing my chin on her head as she cries. The others have stopped and just look at us silently. They don't say anything. We've all had our breakdowns before.

I look up at the high chain link fence and silently curse. There's no way to get through without cutting a human sized hole, which could also substitute as a walker sized hole. An exasperated sigh escapes my lips and I walk over to Michonne.

"Hey, kid." She says quietly, not looking up as she checks over her katana. What's she checking for? Blood? There's more then enough of that, well, everywhere these days.

"He told me he was proud of me." I tell her. She looks up and raises an eyebrow. "My dad. He told me I was a good man. But, I don't think of myself that way. I'm not. I'm just another monster, too." She places a firm hand on my shoulder as I meet her gaze.

"Carl, we aren't the same people we were before this. We have no secrets or things nobody knows, anymore. In a way, we're all monsters. But we can't think of it that way. We have too keep going, keep moving forward" I nod slowly. 'We have no secrets or things nobody knows, anymore.' That really goes for me and her. Michonne told me about her three year old son, Andre.Who...Well...he's where Judith is now.

Wherever the hell that may be.

And well, Michonne's right. We're all monsters now. But... I still don't know why my dad said he was proud of me. I'm a kid in the apocalypse, I learnt that to survive, I need to kill and trust no one. I'm going to be-or already am-messed up.

Michonne walks over to Rick, leaving me to mull over my thoughts alone. Daryl has Zoe, who keeps fidgeting with her foot. I know how much it pisses her off not being as able as she used to be. I mean, it could've been a hell of a lot worse, she could have lost her whole foot. But we had Hershel...

And that's something I don't need to think about right now.

My gaze shifts to Michonne and my dad, I see him take out the everlasting bag labeled sherrif, and bury it-filled with guns-under the ground.

"Just in case." Dad says, almost inaudibly. He rounds up everyone and they all walk over to where I am, by the fence. He tells us our plan, which is basically just to walk in, unless it's overrun. Or, you know, filled with people crazy as shit. Like, the Governor, for example. I take a deep breath, check that the safety is off on my gun...

And just like that, we enter Terminus.