Germangie

Memories and a disturbing day

I laid in bed... thinking about how it got this far. Before German knew about me, we were so close. He said that eventhough at that time he was with Jade, in the end we would be together. I was so overwhelmed and tried to hide my feelings for him... but our kiss. That was the moment I knew that I loved, well I have known it all along, but I couldn't deny it anymore. I couldn't lie to myself anymore. But Jade ruined everything. Since the day German found out that I am Maria's sister, it all stopped. And he never looked at me, like he did before. I miss that look. That look of feeling that I was loved, that I made a difference in his world, a good and beautiful one... but back then I still had hope that one day he will look through it. Now, with Esmeralda, things will never be the same. I cried falling asleep, I wish we didn't fight that much and that he would hug me and tell me everything is gonna be okay. Like he always tell Violetta when something is wrong.

The next morning, I woke up and looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes were really red, hoping that some makeup could fix a lot. I walked downstairs,  finding olga and Vilu. I was late because usely German was with us, but he is probably already working.

'Angie, hurry up or we will be late!'

'I am sorry, I am almost ready!'

'You cried, didn't you?'

'No.'

'I know you did. I heard you. Why. What is wrong?'

'Nothing, nothing, I didn't feel so well.'

'Angie!'

'Come on let's go!'

I wanted to skip this conversation. I didn't need to be reminded of yesterday night. On our way to the Studio I asked Violetta as many questions as possible, to keep her from asking questions to me.

Our ways seperated in the Studio, I went to the Teacher's lounge, finding Pablo and Jackie there. Great. They were hugging and Pablo calmed Jackie down. I made some tea pretending I wasn't there. I didn't want to watch or know it. Since Jackie is with Pablo, our friendship changed. Pablo doesn't like German and I know it, but I need him and he was the only one to who I could talk about, especially about this stuff. But every time I want to talk to him, Jackie somehow disturbs us and Pablo comforts her, maybe he is afraid that if he doesn't give all his attention to her at that moment he will lose her... what kind of girlfriend do you have then? Why can't she accept that we are friends. I need him and I miss him. She isn't letting me near him. It is like she is making him choose between her and me and I don't want that. He doesn't deserve that, so I will just act like I am invisble like always. Well, I don't have to act, because I am invisible to everyone... especially to German. German...

'God, Angie!' Pablo suddenly says 'I didn't see you!'

'No ofcourse not, but don't mind. Go on with what you guys were doing. I will be doing some work and drinking tea.'

'Doing some work eh? Jackie can leave us alone.'

'Okay.' She rolled her eyes.

I looked at her with cold eyes.

'What's the matter?' I said.

'I better ask you.'

'Why would you care?'

'German.'

'No, I just slept bad.'

'because of German.'

'Pablo.'

'Are you going to tell me, what is wrong or what?'

'You want to know what's wrong? I need you and you are not there for me. I am really happy for you and Jackie but she doesn't want you to care about me... so save yourself before she gets mad.'

'Angie, it is not like that-'

'Not like that? When was the last time you were there for me? Right, right before she walked through those doors. And now everything is going wrong and... and... and'

I start to cry.

'Angie, just tell German you are still in love with him. He must still have some feelings for you too...'

'Do you really think so? The only one he has got his eyes on is Esmeralda, and nobody cares about my feelings. Everybody is acting like I am nothing anymore. We only fight and fight and fight. Esmeralda always chooses his side and he likes that and she is only making things worse. I heard her once say to Herman that she thinks that I shouldn't be so overprotective about him and that I am acting like he can't do anything right and that I am treating him as a child... and... and...'

Pablo pulls me in a hug and kisses my forehead and at that moment the door opens, and I know that the next fight is coming up again.