I feel like I'm drowning

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Half an hour later and I decide to start playing some music, but because of my mood I put on some sad songs.

My tears stopped a few minutes ago, which is good. I haven't stopped drinking or smoking, which can't be good. They start again though when another memory forces its way into my mind, so I take another  sip of vodka.

"Come on crystal. Just join." He yells impatiently.

Its been half an hour of Nick  torturing me. Covered in blood I can't even tell what colour my clothes are anymore. Blood drips from my lip and falls on my thighs creating a splat pattern. My arms are tied to the arm rests and my legs are tide to the legs of the chair.

I spit out the blood that has been collecting in my mouth before smirking, showing him my pink and marroon coloured teeth. "No." I smirk knowing he's becoming more mad everytime I deny his offer.

He stomps over in his sleek black suit and roughly grabs my hair, whips out a knife from his pocket and helds it at my throat. "What are you going to do, kill me?" I laugh which makes blood fall out my mouth "You need me. You wont kill me."

He huffs in annoyance knowing I'm right. "That doesnt mean I can't torture you" My heart rate increases dramaticallly as he walks away leaving me in a cold, damp cemented room, with no windows and a heavy metal door, I shiver and force my heavy eyes to stay open. 'Dont sleep' I chant in my head. My eyes shoot open when I hear the door open seconds after Nick goes out.

Nick walks in with all sorts of thing, knives, whips, guns. "Right." he begins. "If you aren't going to join willingly then I'll have to force you."

I suck in a deep breath when he picks up the knife. He points the blade into his left index finger and twirls it around with is right. "I'm going to ask you once more: are you going to join my gang?"  He questions leaning both of his hands on the arm rests of my chair, inches away from my face. 

"Nope." I say popping the 'p' and giving him an innocent smile. Without warning he jabs the knife he is holding into left my arm; I scream out it pain. My screams echo around the confined room, bouncing from wall to wall.

"What about now?" Instead of me smirking it's now him; my face holds pain agony and suffering.

"N..no." I manage to seethe out pushing myself away from the pain. I'm strong, not weak.

"Wrong choice." he sings then brings the knife down again in my left arm instead of taking it out, he drags it down my arm opening my skin up. I scream and scream, pain filling my voice. Blood dribbles down my arm creating jagged lines of blood down my arm, it carries on trickling down until it reaches just before tied wrists then drips to the floor. My breathing becomes heavy as I try and breathe through the pain. The only sounds heard is my heavy breathing, bloody dripping and a sinsiter laugh that comes from Nick as he watches my torment.

My arm throbs and my head starts banging like someones just hit me in the head with a hammer. "Why don't you let me and my family go and we'll promise not to press charges, yeah?" I choke out. This is not the time for me to joke, but I just can't help myself.

"Ahh, always the joker." he grunts. He walks away and puts the knife down before turning around, strolling over to me and then socking me one in the face, making my head whips to the left  and my mouth fills with the metallic taste again. Spiting it out which adds more blood to the already marroon puddle on the floor and turn around the him and yell "What the fuck was that for you dickhead! Chesus Jesus."

"I'm not really liking this attitude of yours. I thought if I punched you then maybe it'd change, obviously I was wrong." He laughs.

"If I wasn't tied up I'd punch you into next year you prick."  I hissed at him while trying to free my arms, but as soon as I move my left arm a horrible pain shoots through making me stop all actions. He smiles at me before walking to the door.

"You can't just leave me here." I angrily shout at him.

"Watch me." Nick smirks before slamming the door shut, making me jump, then scoff at his actions. He leaves me alone in the cold, damp room with my own thoughts and guilt already trying to consume me.

I grip onto my hair making the memories come to an end. Now it's just me sat rocking in the corne of my room with some vodka. I glance at the clock and see that it's nearly ten thirty which means that Ryder, Justin, Jayden , Caleb, Jacob and Kaiden should be half way through maths.

I jump at the sound of the apartment door, but ignore it as of the state I'm in. I cross my arms over my knees wit the vodka bottle in my left hand I take a quick gulp and then rest my forehead on my arms, my hair falls next to my head creating my own little curtain so no-one can see my face.

"I'm so sorry mum and dad. I failed you and I'm sorry for it. I got you into the mess and then... I kill you. I pulled the damm trigger and I cant get it out of my mind. I even left Luke, he was 17 and I let him with nothing." I mumble confessing everything out loud making it all seem so much more real, how much of a terrible person I am.

"I'm a terrible person. Ever since that day I've been a mess. I may not be able to forgive myself and I know you probably won't either but I love you with all my heart. I know I wasn't the daughter you wanted, mum. I loved fighting, sports, getting muddy... But I hope you can find somewhere in your heart to be proud of me." I sob and cry, letting the tears flow free again.

"Happy fucking birthday to me." I shout at the top of my lungs so it's heard from every room in my apartment, closing my eyes and taking a gulp of the vodka. It doesn't burn anymore as I'm used to it after how many bottles. I lean my head back of the all and just let tears leak out.

"Crystal?" A brittle voice asks. My head rapidly shoots up showing the person my glossy panda like eyes, my streaky face and leaking mascara lines, the bags under my eyes and my messy hair.

Only it isn't one person that's there, its seven.

Only it isn't one person that's there, its seven

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Song: Two feet- I feel like I'm drowning

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