Take a Chance

Nineteen

--you were probably wondering when I was going to add Shawn's POV again....Well here it is. Also had the hardest time finding a picture for above, but honestly couldn't find anything that I liked, so this will do.  Hope you enjoy <3 

[Shawn]

Is it considered lying if I tell her its just a phone call? Which it is, but I didn't elaborate on what type of phone call.
It hurts not telling her what the phone call is about. 

"What's the phone call about? You okay?" She asked looking up from my chest."Yeah I'm fine babe, don't worry." I say kissing her lips softly and continuing to watch the marathon of chopped. 

The other day I got a call from the Army. They and I quote "need to talk to you" that phone call made my heart drop so far to the floor Afghanistan probably heard it.
Anyone who was or is in the Army knows that when you get that call, you damn well know why they called; you get deployed early.
I've heard stories of people being deployed early, people being days from Christmas or their significant other is about to have a baby, they hope and pray to be home before the baby is born, and as the baby is about to be born; would be any day now, they get deployed early. 

My whole four years in the army I never was deployed early, and never really understood why people made a big deal. I was always prepared for that phone call ready to leave early if I was called, but never did. Of course I didn't want to leave my family. Ever. But i was always prepared as that was my job. Even with being with Jenna for years I never felt this way, as I was leaving her sad.  Leaving always crushed my family, it killed them so bad that, it might be the last time they see me alive, and in one place. I would leave Jenna and never thought much of it, just had the mindset that i was coming back, and I always did. 

I was hoping that I won't be one of those people, but i finally got the call of being prepared for years ready to pack up and leave, but not this time. I have an extra person in my life that I don't know if I can take leaving her. 

The phone call I have is at eight am, that's when I find out how early I actually get deployed. I pace my condo back in forth tugging at my hair letting out exhausted sighs. Telling my sister will kill her, she just got me back and I'll be leaving again. What about Meghan? God Meghan, I have a girlfriend that I might lose. 

"AHH" I scream crouching in between my knees grabbing my hair and tightly tugging at it. "WHY ME DAMMIT, WHY ME?" I scream again having my hands leave my hair and form fists, they fall to my hips clenching them so tightly my whole hand was turning white. I don't hold back, I let out a angry huff punching the hardwood floor trying to relieve some of the anger built up inside me.
My hands un clench feeling defeated and my hands go straight to my hair closing my eyes hoping to imagine Meghan running her hands through my hair. But fail miserably. All I can see is emptiness. I tug at my hair from the roots having the curls wrap around my fingers. My hands give up trying to keep focus, feeling defeated and exhausted my hands lose their grip on my hair and fall over my face, covering parts of my face, seeing bits and pieces of what is in front of me, I stare into space letting out pants of anger and repeating "why me." over and over again, wondering why it had to be me this time.

With so much anger in my body I get up immediately walking to the gym.
I walk the five mile walk, no not walk sprint. I run the cold Toronto streets.
The army trains you to run long distances and not feeling out of breathe. People in the Army can sprint ten to twenty miles easily without feeling the need to stop.
I stop at the gym looking up my, body starting to catch up with what I just did. I run on the treadmill way more than a normal human would be able to. 

I'm finally able to feel out of breath after what feels like hours on one machine. I come to a stop panting uncontrollably, the thoughts coming back to my mind, wishing I didn't stop running. The thoughts of the woman in my life that i would have to leave yet again; my mother being absolutely heart broken that she just got her son back after a twenty month deployment and now he will be snatched from her again, taken to fight the country again risking his life again and again. She won't be able to make my favorite roast, wont be able to have a normal Christmas; we were so close to a normal cold, wintery Christmas, maybe next time; if there is a next time. I break down and cry falling on my hands and knees. My sister, having her older brother back to take her to and from hockey practice, to have her crash at my place almost every night not wanting to go back home, and having the nastiest fast food, just indulging in on the most high calorie foods.  She finally had her big brother to help her with algebra homework that both of us were butchering. My girlfriend, Meghan that I might lose. I won't be able to have the big sloppy pizza that we had on our first date. I won't have that anymore. 

I think I just lost my girlfriend and she doesn't even know it yet.

______________

I wake up groaning knowing exactly what will happen today; I get the call, the call that I didn't mind before, but now it definitely bothers me. I've always been okay with leaving, but not this time. 

I roll over falling flat on my face on the side that Meghan slept on multiple night before. It smells like her. It smells like her sweet scent that makes me go crazy, it makes me crave her even more. "UGHH" I let out a dramatic sigh pulling the pillow out from under me throwing it somewhere trying to not concentrate on having the worst phone call of my life in t minus ten minutes. I look over at half of my face hidden by my pillow reaching over grabbing my phone watching the minutes tick by making me grow in nervousness. 

7:59 am

It mocks me, watching the minutes tick by, feeling as if time is going by so slow something important can happen. I just lay there waiting for the moment to happen, just get it over with. I know whats going to happen, I know I will have to deal with heartbreak and sorrow. I wish I could say i'm ready for it. But i'm not. I don't think anyone is ready to hear they will be deployed early. Be taken away from their families, watch their children grow without them, watching their love of their life wither away, slip from their fingers. Why does it have to happen to me? Why does it have to happen to anyone? Why does it need to happen? Why? Why? Why? Why ruin happiness in a home that hasn't felt happiness for a long time, why ruin that? I lay on my back thinking, wondering why when I hear it.

My phone rings. 

I close my eyes taking a deep breath answering the phone call sitting up immediately from my laying position sitting on the edge of my bed, feeling my hear pound out of my chest. 

"Morning private." I hear my Sargent say from the other line making me shake my head wishing i wasn't having this call.

"Morning Sir." I say making my voice sound deep, even fixing my posture. 

"You know why i'm calling don't you private?" he asks if you ask me, he sounds just a little but sad, not wanting to make the call, but he has a duty just like how I have a duty to take orders from him. 

"Yes Sir, I'm being deployed early." I say closing my eyes not wanting to hear those words out of my mouth.

"You're to be deployed in four months, seven months early from your previous date. Be ready on the fifth of April, at O Eight Hundred." He says making me scramble looking for a pen and paper writing it down. 

"Yes Sir. Thank you." I say wanting to just drop on the floor and cry. 

"You will be sent further instructions further towards your deployment date. Good Bye Private." The phone calls leaving me in complete shock standing by my dresser my phone still close to my ear. 

I shake my head in disbelief, how will I tell Meghan? Or my mum or sister? How will I be able to bear the heartbreak of Meghan and I not a thing anymore? I don't want to end things with her. I don't want to stop smelling her sweet shampoo on my pillow, I don't want to stop smelling her perfume on her. I don't want to stop having her hair in between my fingers feeling ever so soft. I don't want to stop having sleepover's with her having take out watching chopped.

I don't want to stop falling for her. 

--- Hope you liked it. So sorry for the late post, but like I said had some car trouble today, so I hope you like it. Usually I write the chapters in a span of a day or so and make sure to proof read and add stuff, but not tonight lol, hope you like it. Enjoy and feedback is greatly appreciated <3