I Want My Soul Back (GxG)

17. Why didn't you look for me?

After dinner, my mother brought me into a spare bedroom. It's small and has no furniture, except for the bed and the crib Atla is laying in. She is safe and sound, her eyes closed and mouth locked, perhaps dreaming of something wonderful.

"I hope you will like it here." My mother says sitting down on the bed next to me. 

"I can't stay," I tell her and see the smile disappears from her face. 

"You are safe here with us," Erika says laying her hand on my arm. She might be my mother, but I haven't seen her in many years. I don't know her anymore. I don't even know who to trust. 

"I am not safe anywhere." I stand up and gaze upon Atla, so quiet and peaceful.  

"Why are you not safe anywhere?" She asks, concerned and I can see the worry all over her face. I take a deep breath. I don't want to tell her, because I am scared her or someone else wants Atla. 

She is a precious girl and I don't even know why. All I know is that people are willing to kill to have her. I don't understand it. 

"Why didn't you look for me?" I ask changing the subject, but also because I want answers. 

"I did," She breathes deeply as she moves into a different position on the bed.

"The day the attack happened, your father unfortunately died. I was wounded very badly, but they brought me back to their base and tortured me. Through that time I was there, the man who guarded me wanted to help me. He cut me loose and ran away with me and his little boy." A small smile comes across her face.

"He had developed feelings for me and eventually I did as well. We created a new home," Erika smiles and I am glad.

"We didn't imagine that our home would turn into a village. People just came to asking to settle down here and of course, we accepted and more and more just came. Through the years the population raised." She says and I listen to every word she has, wondering what has happened through all these years. 

"Every day, I sent people out to look for you and your brothers, they couldn't find you," My mother looks down and closes her eyes. 

"Your brothers are they?" She looks at me hopefully, but I shake my head, heavily. 

"At least you are okay." She says and I just nod lightly. I might be alive and breathing, but I don't feel it. The purpose of living died when I lost Loki. She was the one I was breathing for, but now I have Atla. She needs to be safe and needs a safe home.  

I could always give her to my mother, but I would put everyone's life on risk. But then what would I do? I don't have anything or anyone if I give her away. It might be selfish, but Loki sacrificed her life for Atla and I. And I am not going to take that for granted.

   "I didn't expect them to be alive, they were just like your father." I look at my mother confused but also surprised.

"You might not know, like everyone else, but your father was not fit to be king. As you know he wasn't supposed to be, until your uncle died of the disease we had around our kingdom. Your father was a good man, but power took over him. If it wasn't for me we would have lost everything, even though we did, but after his brother's death he wasn't the same." My mother telling me, this gives me a new sight of how my father was. 

I thought he was an amazing man. A good king, but it seems like my mother was the one who kept everything on the ground.

"You and Magnus were too young to see it, but your older brother did. He looked up to your father and Magnus looked up to him.  But you Freya, you were something else. You didn't care about anything of that. You loved nature, the animals and the company of others." She smiles brightly to herself of the memories.

"Your father didn't expect much from you, compared to your brothers, but I did. I knew if you would become queen one day, you would be a good one." She tells me and I break eye contact. I don't think a good queen would have brought her people to be slaughtered. I killed my people, but then again, I didn't have a choice. We would have been killed anyway if we didn't go to war.

"I was a leader, but not a good one," I say looking away from my mother, remembering the sound of thousands of people screaming for their lives and for their loved ones. The sight of dead man and woman laying on the ground bleeding out until life left their eyes. It would haunt me to the day I die. 

"I don't believe that." My mother says.

"You should. I killed them all." I blurt out, my mother tilts her head. 

"What happened." She questions. 

"I don't want to talk about it." Is all I say.

"Okay," My mother stands up on her feet. She looks just as beautiful as she did the last day I saw her. 

"I am going to let you rest now and I see you tomorrow, I hope," Erika says.

"Yes." I nod.

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight."