Daughter of Light

Chapter 36: Destroyed

~Chapter 36~

Anger, sadness, depression, loneliness – those feelings aren’t even beginning to describe what I really feel.  Let’s just say it felt like someone stabbed a knife on my chest and ripped my heart out then tore it to fine pieces. It left me weak and vulnerable inside. This was the emotional pain I was saying. It ruins you greatly, taking away hope and happiness. Put me back in the Underworld, lock me up in the tightest room or even throw me into Tartarus, I don’t care. This pain is the most painful of all, eating me up in the darkness. I’ve experienced the physical pain, now the emotional one is surging through me.

My tears were utterly uncontrollable. They just keep on flowing and flowing as if it was a never ending river without a dam. These were the feelings that make you want to take revenge on the person who caused all of it. But technically, it was my fault. If I hadn’t dodged the knife, it wouldn’t have hit Ash. If only I was the one who was hurt and injured and not him. It was my fault for bringing my friends in this dilemma in the first place. So the only person to blame was me. I feel stupid for it.

Every day, since the incident, I grieved over the whole thing, regretting that single mistake I’ve done. The one who should be in the infirmary right now should be me not him. I felt like I should be punished for this – even my emotional punishment isn’t enough. Zeus told me he’ll fix the whole conflict with the Romans and he didn’t want to start another war again. And he’ll talk to my mother, too and make sure Diana wouldn’t attack me again. I was relieved by this but of course I was still worried about Ash. He stayed in the infirmary of the camp, unconscious for a couple days now.

Gods, I felt so ruined and weak right now. Yeah, that’s the effect of stupidity. You do something utterly idiotic then you’re the one getting affected and also the people around you. And this is one of the times when I drop to my knees, asking the gods up in Olympus why the hell trouble was always following me everywhere and every time. Seriously, I don’t want anyone to die here and it seems like I can’t learn my lesson for making all those mistakes. I was still careless and oblivious.

I sat on the chair beside his bed and caressed his soft cheek. He looked so peaceful and serene when he’s sleeping. Ash was breathing – thank gods – though, Chiron said he’d be out for a few days. Knowing Ash, I know he would fight through this. He’s strong and he won’t let himself die. “Please wake up,” I whispered to him. And that’s when a single teardrop trickled down my cheek.

“I’m sorry, Ash. I’m really sorry I did this to you,” I told him, trying to hold down the tears. I’ve cried a million times already – I don’t want another sob session again.

My hand moved to his and I clutched it, squeezing his fingers. Ah, I’m such a great girlfriend, aren’t I? Note the sarcasm there. I almost let him die…

“I swear, it won’t happen again,” I assured him then kissed his forehead. It was afternoon right now, and the sun was almost setting. I stood up and headed to the dining hall. Most of the time, I was with Ash because I felt like I held the responsibility of protecting him. I trudged out of the room, hoping to grab something to eat. My stomach growled in agreement as my eyes roamed the selection of desserts. I settled for a piece of chocolate cake and Coke then sat on the empty tables. I’ve never felt so lonely in my life. Jed went back to Washington whilst Ami returned home. They promised they’d visit from time to time. Halliope and Gus were helpful enough to drive away my boredom when they talked to me. But the person who I spent more time with was my unconscious boyfriend.

I laid my chin on my palm and wondered how long will Ash be like that. It could be days, weeks, heck even months. Well, he’s not actually in coma – he’s just recovering. For the past days, I half-hoped to speak to Artemis but I know she has some things to do about the previous incident. I just needed her encouragement and care as a mother. I missed that. I needed that.