grieving someone who is still alive

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but i am not over it.
it haunts me in the back of my mind
when i am trying to sleep.
it's the thing at the foot of my bed every night,
it's the eyes staring back.
it's the whispers you hear in the wind on a halloween night
it' s the feeling of knowing you're not alone on a pitch black night.

it sneaks around in the shadows of my nightmares,
burdening me to my very core.
it's with the group of words in my head that i never said,
it's the clouds on a starless night.
it's painful memories that get triggered
it's the bullet of a gun barely missing your body.
it's the coldness of your hands,
froze to everyone else, warm to you.
and they will not understand.
that is what hurts.
they will never understand.

weren't you two best friends?

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