and i'll talk about polaroids
pictures fading into existence
or maybe fading out
but the sad truth
is that i never
not once
photographed those things.
and it's sad
because those were the happiest times of my life
and yet
i have no proof of them.
i wish i had taken a photo
just once
just one
i wish there was proof that what we had was real.
i wish there was proof of me and my friend
sitting on the railing of your porch
at midnight on a summer once upon a time.
i wish there was proof
of you walking onto the bus
in that black and white polka dot dress.
i wish there was proof
and it's sad
because i should've cherished those moments
i should've
someone should've told me that i would never
ever
get those moments back
it's sad
because i seem to be the only one who remembers these things
so i'll wish and ill wish
that maybe
just maybe
i'll hope and ill hope
that maybe
just maybe
the stars photographed it
and maybe that's why they shine
because the flash was on
but it's sad
because i seem to be the only one that remembers these things
i wish there was a photograph of when you still lived next to me,
your grandmother's car parked in the driveway and you and your brother's bikes laying down in the grass
i wish there was a photograph
of what you
of what you were to me
no, not a young love
just
i wish there was a photograph
of us
back then
for those months
it was short
but it felt like forever
it felt like a lifetime.
and maybe
maybe it was.
i wish there was a photograph of that
your arms forever stuck in that position
your mouth forever frozen
words left unsaid.
i wish there was a photograph of—
no i don't
i don't want to remember that
stop
i don't want to remember that
that doesn't belong in this type of poem
please stop
please go away
i don't want to remember that
please i don't want to remember that, no—
it's sad
because the only proof i have of those times
is me.
and that
that will not live forever.
but that's what i like about photographs
the people in them will change
grow old
but the people in the photographs will never.
they will forever stay frozen in time
a captured moment of blissful ignorance
before you knew what the world was
before you knew what a gun was
before you knew what death was
before you knew what sadness was
before you knew that those good feelings
could be so easily taken away from you
like taking candy from a baby
i wish there was a photograph
of the thing i don't want to remember
i wish there was proof that those things existed
i wish there was proof that they happened
because i doubt myself so much
i need proof that i'm not insane
please, please help me
show me the proof
please, please—
because when your mother
starts to sound like the voices in your head
you know something is wrong
