my hands shake a lot nowadays.
i have anxiety attacks over the most minor of things
and fear is beginning to make its nest in my heart
shadows take the form of people close to you
they mimic the sound of a human voice and draw you in
like a fish to a worm
it hooks into your jaw and youre dragged up from the depths
but everything's too bright, too bright.
you'll suffer a backlash if you're not too careful
but don't be so careful that you mess up
don't do this, don't do that
i tried reinventing what i used to love
but i've found that i hate it anymore.
i hate the things and the people i used to love
i can't remember the last time i felt something
i can't remember the last time i could see
i can't remember the last time my voice didn't quake when i opened my mouth
i can't understand these things and i fingerpainted a blank canvas in a messy form
i pulled out random colors and dipped my the tips of my fingers into them and painted this breyer all shades and hues
it looks like something a toddler would paint but i guess that's accurate
but i love it.
it's better than the artistic and precise approach my friend took to their's
art in a frame is like a bird in a cage
it should be free
i couldn't-
i couldn't do it that way
i couldn't paint this blank model with colors of brown and black and white
i felt like i was betraying my morals, my self
whatever that is
i don't know who i am but that's okay
i think i'm teetering on the edge of something but that's okay
i think i'm falling but that's okay
i think i'm slipping but that's okay
i think i'm okay but that's okay
i think i'm sick but that's okay
but that's okay.
