and when the tide comes rolling in
it will pull you back under with it
and it will toss you back and forth
like some cruel game of pinball
bang
bang
ding-ding-ding
you will suffocate under those waves
you will see things that only dead men have seen
the sand will bury into your lungs and eyes
and you will be blinded by your own hand
and you will be killed by your own hand
for you will blame yourself.
because it's easy, isn't?
i mean, just swim back up to the surface.
oh, no.
no, no.
it is not that easy.
it would never be that easy.
you'll get your head above the surface
and you will gasp for that breath of fresh, sweet air.
yes, it'll feel good.
but for how long?
you will see a shadow play out in front of you
and then you look up
and that wave is looking down on you
as if you are a speck that it needs to swipe away
it will hit you and your head will be jerked backward
your body will be pulled in directions so unwillingly
your body may be yours, but it is not.
not anymore.
it will betray you as your hand is pulled across your other limbs
as that liquid spills down.
funny
how you know i am not talking about water
for that water is not clear
i never said it was
it is red
it is a sea of endless red
reflecting your eyes in the surface
are they really red
or is that just your reflection's?
it's been too long
when was the last time you fell asleep naturally
instead of blacking out?
when was the last time you didn't wake up in a hospital?
when was the last time your mirror wasn't filled with scars?
you don't remember, do you?
no, you don't.
they will tell you pretty little lies—
it gets better
one day you'll wake up beside your partner [...]
you'll be okay
he will kiss your scars
you will live
and i know
i know you are sick
so damn sick
and fucking tired
of hearing those words.
because i get it
i get it
they need to shut their fucking mouths
they need to shut their fucking mouths and sit the fuck down
BECAUSE THE ONLY REASON THEY SAY IT WILL BE OKAY
IS BECAUSE IT IS NOT HAPPENING TO THEM.
THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE
THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE EIGHT YEARS OLD AND STAND IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR AND HATE EVERY SINGLE FUCKING CENTIMETER OF WHAT YOU SEE
YOU THINK YOU RULE THE WORLD
BUT MY DARLING
IT RULES YOU
i don't want to be here
please, please
this is a call for help
please
i don't want to do this again
please
they will feed you the pretty little lies
and alice, it will be the most delicious darn thing you've ever tasted
but the reality of it is this:
we learned how to hate ourselves
before we learned how to read.
