my poems are becoming shorter
my words less pretty
and that should not worry me.
it should make me jump with joy
because when the poems stop
and the words become shallow
it means you are becoming happy.
and i would say
that only a part of me
doesn't want to be happy
but then
i would be lying.
all of me
doesn't want to be happy.
i am afraid to be happy.
have you ever heard of such?
someone who was afraid to be happy.
i don't want to be happy.
i like the pain.
i don't want to be happy
let me drown in my own rain.
i don't like the light
it's too bright
take me back to the night
where my eyes adjust just right.
i am afraid to be happy
the darkness has become too comforting
i do not want to leave
i don't need saving
i am where i need to be.
i chose this
yet you keep forgetting.
i don't want to be in the sun
my skin burns too easily
sunscreen will never help.
leave me in the darkness
it's where i feel at home
leave me in the darkness
it's where i belong.
leave me in the darkness
for i do not want to be any where else
i do not want to be happy
i want the sadness
i need the sadness to be happy
does that make sense?
stop trying to help me
i don't need helping
i am where i want to be
i am where i belong.
i am afraid to be happy
because the higher you rise
the harder you fall
and i am afraid
to get even an inch off the ground.
so please,
forgive me,
but i do not want to fly.
leave me on the ground,
where i can die.
i don't want to be happy.
