The HU$TLE {FIN}

17

"You're done, Bey." Jay said to me as I came back to the table. "Come here."

He stood up and I slowly walked into his arms. "I know you wanted your little rush or whatever, but it's over. This isn't a game and I'm fucked up for letting you pretend it is. You not doing it anymore. I don't care. You have way too much to lose. Whereas I don't. I apologize for even allowing you to get comfortable. I realized that if something ever happened, I'd never forgive myself. You could go to jail, you could lose your license, you could lose your child, and you could even lose your life. I won't allow that to happen, so as of now... don't ask about shit drug related. You're done. Period."

I nodded and started to tear up. I can tell he really cares about me. This whole drug phase was stupid. I'm lucky nothing serious happened.

I just felt all types of stupid. I never thought I'd see my son so disappointed in me.

It took him catching me to finally realize what I was doing.

"If I'm done, you're done too." I told him earning a sideways glance from him.

"Bey."

"I'm serious, Shawn. We're both grown. You want to be with me and shit, right? I don't need my son exposed to this anymore. It's gone far enough, don't you think? You have to stop."

He sighed. "I can't do that."

"Don't you care about me? Because I care about you. And I would be upset if you ended up in jail or dead over some coke."

"Bey, this was my lifestyle before you. You can't expect me to just turn the shit off because you say so. It does not work like that. I like you and I care about you... a lot, but it still does not work like that. I know you understand."

I nodded. "You can leave."

"Are you serious? Deadass?" He said reaching for me. "Don't be like that."

I pushed him away. "I said you can leave, Shawn."

"Fuck." He sucked his teeth. "Don't be like that, baby. Please."

I looked at him and then looked at the door. I was very serious. I like him, but it's not smart. I have to start thinking like a mom again and that means putting my child first.

Jay realized I was not going to respond and nodded. "I'll give you some time. I'll call you later."

I shook my head. "Don't call no more."

He packed up his stuff and walked out.

I got the Lysol, bucket, and my speaker, then started cleaning. Cleaning definitely relieves my stress. I cleaned the entire downstairs including the bathroom before my mother started calling.

"Yes, mother?"

"Yes, mother?" She said mocking my voice. "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing. I'm just cleaning, what you want?"

"I could sense something was wrong so I called. And you're cleaning that means you're upset."

"Or it means my house was dirty."

"Giselle, you get on my damn nerves." She said seriously making me crack a smile.

"Why thank you. Can I help you? Seriously, mama, I have to clean upstairs."

"When is spring break? Are we all going on vacation again?"

"Do you want to? Because we can. I'll ask Karim when it is, next month probably."

"Good. This year I was hoping we could go to Atlantic City."

I frowned. "Really? I have a 15 year old. What's in Atlantic City for him?"

"I don't know... Richard and I want to gamble."

"Then you and Richard can go to Atlantic City on your own time. Why don't you call Karim or your other child?"

"I'm sensing hostility."

"Because you're interrupting my cleaning asking stupid questions."

"You know what... you must be on the rag or something because this attitude is unwarranted. You better have this same energy when I see you."

I busted out laughing at her thinking I'm scared of her or something. "Tina, I'm grown. I'm 32 years old. Do you think you scare me?"

"When I knock your dumb ass out don't say anything." She sang.

"Well run up when you see me then and we gon' see."

"Bet." She laughed. "I love you, child. I hope whatever is bothering you gets better. We can discuss spring break when you're not so pissy."

"Whatever. Love you too, mama. Bye."

I hung up on her and proceeded to clean the house.

When I was finished, it was still early. I decided to make some dinner for me.

After I finished making my shrimp and chicken Alfredo, I sat in the living room watching Netflix with a nice glass of wine. I decided to watch Imperial Dreams and out my phone on do not disturb. The only person who can reach me when my phone is on do not disturb is Karim.

I folded one foot under my butt and got comfortable.

•••

Karim came home later that night after I had time to think. I was sitting on the couch drinking wine, when he walked through the door.

"Karim."

"I didn't have anywhere else to go." He mumbled.

"I don't care about that, just come here and let me talk to you." He sat on the ottoman right in front of me avoiding my eyes.

"Look at me." I said trying to force him to look. He kept turning his head. "I'll stop." He still wouldn't look at me.

"You made Alfredo without me?"

"I'll stop." I repeated.

He sighed and finally looked at me. "You shouldn't have started."

"I know."

"If you know then why would you do it?"

"I'm not going to explain myself to you, Karim. But I will apologize because it was wrong. It was definitely stupid of me to put you in that kind of danger. It was stupid to put myself in that danger too. So for that I am sorry."

He nodded. "It's whatever."

"It's not whatever, baby. I'm really sorry and I'm really going to stop." I said tearing up a little. I felt like a little kid because I never wanted to disappoint him and seeing that look in his eyes tore me apart.

"Alright, mom. Stop. Don't cry."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay. As long as you stop. You don't need to be mixed up in that mess." I nodded and he gave me a hug. "You going to break up with Jay, right?"

"Karim, mind your business."

He sucked his teeth. "He the reason you was in that mess."

"Like I said, I chose to be. Don't get beat."

He sighed. "I'm just saying."

"It's Alfredo in there for you if you're hungry. And after you eat, do the dishes." I kissed his forehead and went upstairs.