Home is You ('Home Is' Book One - Daryl Dixon)

Chapter 44 - What Can I Say? (Boz Scaggs)

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"I knew that Guille, Leo, Jorge and Eduardo were out there. I just had to find them because they couldn't find me."

Hershel was reading the letter to the entire family that night. When an incredulous Glenn interrupted him.

"That's....but that's Nate!  Nate wrote the letters and has been leaving us all this stuff?"

Hershel looked at Glenn then over at Daryl.

So that's  why he'd looked so shocked. Reacted the way he did, when they read her letter together this afternoon.

He'd realised exactly who she is too?

Then it hit Hershel.

There's only one thing on earth. That can make a man look so elated and yet so beyond terrified....all at the same time. And that look overwhelmed Daryl's face earlier.

It's on his face right now as a matter of fact....  😏

Daryl simply stared back, worrying away at a thumbnail with his teeth.

"Hang on. Is Glenn's 'Nate'  your Nate or another one entirely, Daddy?"  Maggie asked in confusion.

Hershel had taken her for a walk just before supper. Told her the whole story.

And like Daryl, she was horrified to learn just how low he was at the time. How close she came to losing him. Firstly to himself then to a bullet.

"One and the very same by the sounds of it now, dear"  He whispered, before answering Glenn's question.

"Yes, her name is Nate. Actually it's Natalie. However, she told me if anyone calls her that? She'll kick them in....in a very  painful place."

"So, what do you think of her and how did you meet?"  Maggie asked Glenn, but he was still in too much of a daze to answer.

"Pretty lady, proper heartbreaker. Only twenty you said, Hershel? Coulda swore she's older, even though she looks like a school kid. Super smart and funny but a total ballbuster too. Stood up to Dixon here, that's for sure"  T-Dog explained.

"We met her in Atlanta when we went looking for Merle. She was with a group who were taking care of old folk in a home. Tough Latino gang members....looking after their elders. They turned out to be super nice guys."

"Real sad this happened to them all, but I'm grateful she wasn't killed too. Nate's a nice girl, Maggie. Looked after Glenn when he was their hostage....kind of. Stopped the dogs from getting hold of him"  He let out a huge laugh at the memory.

"Oh, I bet she looked after Glenn all right"  Beth spat out in a snide and taunting tone.

"And I bet Glenn looked after her real  good too."

"You shut your biatch mouth!  No one wants to hear your opinions on anything"  Maggie shot daggers with her eyes.

Beth got up and strutted her buns away in a huff.

"Good riddance!"  Maggie muttered under her breath.

Hershel deemed the interruption closed.

"Now it sounds to me like some of you have already met Nate? Wish I'd told y'all everything about her before. She could've done with knowing she had some more friends nearby when her times got hard."

"Now, can I please finish reading you her letter? The rest of it really involves all of you."

"You mean to tell us that Nate doesn't even know it's us you're with? She didn't leave all that stuff to help out because she recognised the four of us....from before....from Atlanta? "

Rick was almost lost for words.

"I don't think I ever....well I might've mentioned Shane's name. Most likely Carol, Carl and Sophia's. But I don't recall ever telling her your names to be honest. Just spoke in general terms I think. Now can I please continue?"

Hershel's patience was being severely tested by all the interruptions and everyone settled down again.

You asked me to come join you....when I'm ready? That you'll be very glad to welcome me?

Wish I could, I'd truly like to. It's time for a new branch on my apple tree....don't you agree?

I think now, maybe I can. Move on that is....start again. I seem to be getting good at that, huh?

But there's more you need to know, Hershel. All your family need to know, before you decide if you still want me around or not. Full disclosure.

I've done things.

Things that mean I'll never get the 'hypothetical' opportunity to kick 'you know who' in the nether regions.

"Say what?"  Carol spluttered out her tea with a laugh.

"I'll explain another time. Think you'll enjoy hearing it very much"  Hershel answered with a grin.

Wish I can say I'm ashamed of what I've done, but I can't. Nor can I promise I won't do it again....no one can promise that anymore.

Not in the world we live in now and certainly not if we want to keep living.

Hershel....I've killed people.

Lots of people. Proper breathers I mean....going on a hundred or so I think? Not walkers, although I've turned off an absolute bucket load of them too.

I tracked down the living dead who murdered my entire family while I was away. Two days after they did it.

To them, it was never a case of kill or be killed. They planned it so well, slaughtered everyone they saw. Took what they wanted then went on to kill more.

They don't do it to survive, Hershel. But because they like it.

I know that beyond a shadow of doubt. Saw and heard it for myself when I found their compound. So wish I hadn't, I know it'll haunt me until my end of days.

So, I led a few thousand walkers their way. Blew a hole in their wall with a rocket launcher and let the un-dead do the rest.

Hershel, I had to stop them from doing it again....and again....

I don't think I regret it? It didn't make up for losing those I love, I know that now. Nothing can ever do that.

But if I have to do it all over?

I'm pretty sure....nup....I'm positive I will.

"Ummmm, did Nate actually say....rocket launcher?"  T-Dog interrupted in astonishment.

But I needed to tell you. Because you have to know the truth of who I am now and what I'm capable of.

I'm no longer the girl who you met in a bar that day. I honestly don't know who she is anymore. Think maybe another part of her died when....when they died....my family in Atlanta.

I know you won't be happy with me asking this of you. And I swear I wouldn't, Hershel. Not unless it was really, really important. But please....do it for me?

Read this letter to your family, all of it.

If you decide you still want me, then it MUST be totally unanimous. One hundred percent everyone has their say and agrees.

Won't be fair to all of your family otherwise.

I cannot and will not compromise what you already have together.

If there is a no? Then regrette rien Hershel.

Regrette rien!

With love forever

'N'

💖