Chapter 1

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Thomas sat down on the ground at the edge of the forest. He leaned against the tree, stared at the blank.

It had been a few months since they'd come to a new place of life. Life was normal there. Minho took charge and put Gally second in command-Minho asked for Thomas first, but refused. They organized people to work together, creating a good place to live. They had three huge buildings made from woods and branches, called homestead, just liked in the glade. Frypan had a bigger kitchen and he had a few worker to help. He was happy getting back to cook. Jorge and Harriet were the keeper of the Baggers. Thomas, he worked like the other, helped whatever he could.

I'm in paradise. Thomas reminded himself. He should be happy of every single day in his new life. He safe from the Flare, cure or no cure. He also safe from WICKED and all the shucking trials. But, those weren't enough to bring him into a happiness. Something was missing. Or someone. No. The best three persons in his life. Chuck. Newt. Teresa. He couldn't feel the difference between live in the glade and in that paradise.

"Hey, Thomas." Someone tapped him on the back. He turned to see Brenda smiled. "Thinking of something?"

Thomas shook his head. He was getting closer with Brenda. He liked her. Always. But, Thomas had never shared his sorrow to anyone, Brenda included. Though Brenda could easily read his face.

"If you still feel guilty for what happened to your friends, you should know Thomas, they would pride of you." Thomas expression was too clear to Brenda. "You safe two hundred or so people, Thomas."

"Yeah." That was it. Thomas couldn't say another word.

"Good."

They sat silent for a while until Brenda started to speak up, "You wanna meet Frypan for breakfast?"

Thomas hesitated. He stood up soon, then followed Brenda though. Yeah, he was hungry. They walked away from the forest. Thomas saw someone sat alone on the beach faced the sea whom looked so upset. He didn't need time to recognize him. Minho.

"Um, Brenda. I think I'll meet Frypan later." He turned, then walked toward Minho.

Brenda's eyes followed Thomas. He was approaching Minho. Brenda decided not to follow Thomas. She would give them privacy. She continued walking to the kitchen.

"Are you bored flirting with the girls, shank?" Thomas sat down beside Minho, trying to make a joke.

Minho forced a smile. Thomas expected his sarcasm. Not came anyway. His mouth shut. Thomas could catch sorrow washing his face. "I've dreamt. About Newt."

Thomas felt something knocked him on his chest. He desperately missed Newt. More than that, Thomas felt guilty for him.

"He'd never become the Crank. He was here, with us. He even spoke to me, to you too at this beach. I can't remember what we talked about. But, I know in my dream my life was complete." Minho paused. "Man, I miss him."

Thomas didn't answer. He could only sigh. As the salty water crept on his feet, Thomas closed his eyes. The sound of the waves were calm. Thomas tried to reach his own calm. He found only guilt.

"I think we shouldn't have left Newt in the Crank Palace."

The pain suddenly jolted through Thomas body. He swore himself to never tell Minho about what had happened to Newt the last time he met him. He had never felt that telling the story was so necessary until then. Minho was Newt's best friend, even before he showed up in the Glade. Minho deserved to know.

"What do you think happened to Newt?"

Thomas opened his eyes. He could see the flashes of his memory. Thomas took a deep breath as he tried to speak, "I have something to tell you, Minho." He started.

"What's that about, shuck face?"

"About Newt." His voice was dim.

Minho couldn't avoid himself to think something bad. He wanted to force Thomas to start talking. He didn't. He waited until Thomas could talk.

"When we ware in the weapon's room, in WICKED headquarter, do you remember Newt said that he needed to give me something?"

Minho thought a second, then nodded. He surrounded by the guilt. He remembered how he treated Newt there.

"Newt gave me a letter. He didn't allow me to read that until the time was right. I had never known what Newt meant by 'the time is right'. After we came back from Crank Palace, I decided that was the time. I read Newt's letter in the berg. There were only two short sentences. And I knew why Newt stared at me by angry look." Thomas paused. He let the memories consumed him. "I failed him."

Minho stared at Thomas, frowned. "What did the letter tell about?"

Thomas pulled the paper out of his pocket. He kept the letter. The paper was crumpled. At least, the note still could be read. He handed the letter to Minho.

Minho carefully unfolded the paper. His eyes widened as he read the letter. He looked hurt, like completely hurt. He crumpled the paper, then bowed his head. Thomas couldn't help. He also needed to strengthen himself to continue the story.

"The day when me and Brenda met Vince, I found him. On the way back, from the car, I saw a Crank stared at me from twenty feet away. I took a second to recognize that Crank was ... Newt."

"Poor Newt," Minho murmured.

"Newt looked horrible, but he kept his eyes on me as if he remembered me. I had Lawrence to stop the van. And then I came to Newt. I asked him to come with me. But, Newt refused. He talked about that letter. Newt asked me to kill him. I had a gun. He pressed it against his own forehead. Newt really meant that. He didn't like his life taken away by the Flare. He wanted to die before he lost his whole sanity. I ... I am sure I has been his friend. I couldn't fail him again. Newt told me to make amends for what I did to him, to all the gladers. I knew I had to do that." As the flashes of his memory became clearer, Thomas paused. He was too hurt to remember the way Newt looked at him. "Then I ..." Thomas breathed heavily. "I am sorry, Minho. I can't continue."

Minho put his arm on Thomas's shoulder. "It's okay, Thomas. You don't need to apologize. I understand. I know Newt hate his life for living in the shuckin' maze, much less being a Crank. If I ..." Minho lost his words. But, Thomas know he was going to admit that he would do the same thing.

Then, silent.

Sorrow covered them. Minho bowed his head, hands on knee. Thomas could hear he sobbed. Thomas himself couldn't fight his tears. That made him angry. He shouldn't that weak. He had to finish the story. Minho deserved to know.

Thomas gulped. He had a long heavy breath. Then, continued, "I pointed the shuckin' gun to his head," he whispered. His voice full of guilt. "He trusted me to do that. I had to do that."

Minho lifted his head, stared at Thomas.

"Suddenly, Cranks attacked me. Lawrence helped me. He shot some of them. And then grabbed me by the arm. I let him pulled me away because I would die if I didn't. We walked toward the van. I looked back to see Newt. He was still there. Stared at me by horror look. I couldn't do that, actually. I couldn't kill my friend. I hate Newt for asking me to. But, he trusted me. He's been my friend. I had to do that." The guilt consumed Thomas, he paused again.

Minho waited for Thomas to tell the worst part. When the salty water once again crept on hi feet, Minho felt cold. Very cold. And then, numb.

"I lifted my gun. I thought I shouldn't fail him. I aimed the gun to him. But, Cranks chased Lawrence and me. I lost my sight when I pulled the trigger. So, I missed.

***

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My English not so good. I am still learning. So sorry if I confuse you guys. Thank you.

See ya.
love,

Samina

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