A boy girl love

Chapter 2: Angel

I ran out in the rain, uncaring of where I was going until I reached the cemetery. It made me sob harder as I entered it. The drops of rain now felt painful as it battered against my head and body. It was raining heavily and it was freezing cold. I searched for the familiar tombstone of my father's grave. When I found it, I ran towards it and hugged the cold stone.

"Dad, I want to see you. Please come back or ask god to take me where you are." I cried my heart out. My dad was the only one who understood me. Even Ed, Kyle and Fabian didn't truly treat me like a boy. They always had secrets that they excluded me from. As we grew older their growth spout had made them taller and bigger than me. I've been taking medicine which I got from a site on the internet to help me become more manly when I started my periods.

But except for stopping my period and giving me bad headaches, I don't think anything is happening with the medicine. Jason thinks girls shouldn't eat so much. So, he restricted the amount I could eat. But I did steal a bit from my mom's purse and buy supplements to help me build muscle. It didn't work though. From the puddle beside my dad's grave I could see my reflection. I have short mud brown hair with a small face and a thin body.

I stared at my hands. They looked weak. It made me want to cry again. I want to be a boy so badly but I don't have money for gender reassignment surgery. I knew my dad left a huge sum of money for me and Allen. But I won't get it until I am eighteen. I am hoping to use that money for my surgery. But I think I need to talk to a surgeon now. Maybe he could give me something to make me stronger. I would love to go back and punch the daylight out of my sleazy stepfather. But the way I am right now, I couldn't do anything.

If I beg the surgeon and promise to pay back, I wonder if I could look like Levi. Yeah, he's my ideal male image even if he is my enemy. I also stare at him with all the girls in my class if he is having PE at the same time as me.

He has so much muscle, it's just unfair to other boys standing beside him. Well, he is older than us. But I bet, not many people gets his height and muscle tone quite as naturally as him. I don't know what he does to look like that. I am dying to know his secret but I bet he wouldn't tell me even if I asked. He always teases me. He calls me "Ellie..ot." like my name is Ellie and the "ot" is an afterthought. He just likes to make me angry. Why was I thinking about him anyway? Girls flood around him.

They are happy to even walk with him. He famously tells all girls who approach him that he is in love with some very beautiful girl. Yet, girls beg him to be with them. He accompanies them on the condition that he would not treat them like his girl friend. Yet, girls are over the moon even to get that non-committal response from him. Just like that he steals all my crushes. What would he understand about my situation? I haven't even held a girl's hand or gone beyond saying "hi" to them. Most of them don't even spare me a glance. I really thought Naomi was different because she smiled at me.

That thought depressed me again. It had stopped raining now and I was really tired. I guess I could go to Ed's house. But Ed's mum always looks at me weirdly. She makes it known to me that she didn't like me around Ed by her glaring. As for Kyle, he lives in a small home with his big family. He shares his room with his three brothers. So, I don't think it would be a good idea to implore on him. That leaves Fabian. Fabian's mother calls me a harlot ever since she knew I wanted to be a boy. Unlike Ed's mother who glares at me, Fabian's mother goes into a screaming fit when she sees me. So, it's just a bad idea. I sighed. Where would I go? How do homeless people live anyway? Can I go to the police station? I didn't even know where that was. I just don't know what I could do. I should have been ready for this situation. Jason hated me after all.

It made me cry pathetically again. I laid down beside my dad's grave and cried. If only he was there to hold me like he did when I was little. All the pain would go away in an instant and I'd be able to face the next day of hurting all over again. I knew that's what lay ahead for me. The path I was walking on was one of fire and glass. It will cut and burn me to pieces every single day. Maybe I will find friends who would support me. But the leader of this battle would always be me. I had to be strong but I feel shattered. Friends would never understand my internal turmoil. Only someone going through the same thing as me would understand it.

Soon, it was starting to get dark. I had no idea what I could do. A cemetery was a scary place to spend the night. Where could I go? I didn't want to move from where I was. I could hear the sounds of little insects crawling around me. Even my disgust of insects did not give me the will to sit up. I wish I was buried already. I couldn't possibly be the first person whose crush laughed and mocked them. I cannot be the first teenager to be thrown out of the house. Then why couldn't I convince myself to get up and keep moving? Even if breathing was all I do in the days ahead, I need to get up and keep moving. Someday, I just might find better meaning of life. Shouldn't that be motivation enough to not give up? All the encouragement I was building in my head was somehow not reaching to me physically. I was tired and didn't want to get up from where I was.

"God, if you don't want me to die now, please send me an angel. Or I am dying right here." I mumbled up into the sky. After saying that, I laughed hysterically. Who was I to demand things from god? I just sounded like I was threatening my creator.

"I am very sorry. I am just tired. Please god, I need someone to help me out of this ditch." I told no one in particular and burst into tears again. I didn't understand what kind of madness possessed me. Angels don't appear before humans. So, even if I prayed for one, an angel wouldn't appear. I guess I am going to die after all. If it rains again, I would die from the cold. Strange, it doesn't sound like a bad fate. I have heard of people in poor countries dying from extreme weather conditions. I would be like them too.

I don't know how long I stayed like that until I saw someone's boots near my face. I didn't bother to look up. I sincerely hoped the person would assume I was dead and move on.

"Ellie." Someone shook my shoulder and I frowned at the name he called me. Only one person calls me that. Annoyance grew within me like a slow fire. Go away Leviathan! I fumed silently. Why does he have to appear here in my lowest moment in life? This has got to be a joke. I prayed for an angel and literally a demon is standing right next to me. Isn't Leviathan the name of a demon? Who names their kid Leviathan anyway?

"Go away!" I screamed with all energy left in me and huffed in exhaustion as I glared up at the intruder. To my surprise, he wasn't standing above me, looking all smug and superior as I've thought. He was kneeling beside me and he looked concerned.

"Should I call Ed, Kyle or Fabian?" He asked me softly.

"No. Just go away." I said in a tearful voice and then to my horror broke down in front of him. I would probably never hear the end of it, I thought in horror, even as I cried. I heard him stand up. Besides, why is Leviathan being nice to me? I thought with a frown. He is always making some joke about how I thought a boy's penis looked like a worm. He never stops taunting me on that. He just annoys me so much but he was being a bit nice for once, I had to admit.

Just when I thought of changing my mind and agreeing with him to call my friends he said. "Wow, look at this. The great Elliot has literally become a full scale worm. I thought you were going to grow a worm down there but look at this! You look like the mother of worms. Should I take some pictures and put it on FB?"

My eyes widened in horror at that. This bastard! I pushed up immediately to my feet, grabbing the lapels of his jacket.

"I knew it..I just knew a bastard like you wouldn't have a change of heart to develop any semblance of concern for me. You came here to gloat didn't you? Go ahead and gloat. I'll kill you!" I threatened him, trying to shake him by tugging his clothes.

He didn't budge though. My movements only made me more dizzy. Suddenly I threw up. It gave me great satisfaction to see I threw up on his expensive looking black clothes. The yellowish puke actually contrasted nicely with his black clothes. Now why doesn't he take a photo of that! I would have laughed if I could. I couldn't even get a clear look at his expression. I wobbled on my feet as I felt everything go dark around me. Oh no! I think I am going to die finally by hitting my head against something as I fall.

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AN: Please vote and or comment if you liked this chapter. Pic of Levi on top.