malec_au

Chapter 19

Alec couldn't say more except hugging her tight. He didn't notice how his eyes filled with tears and it flows like waterfall as he hugged his mother. "Alec are you okay?" Magnus came running as he saw Alec almost hit the trolley but he saw now Alec hugging Maryse. Maryse saw Magnus and let go from Alec's arm. "Thank you for taking care of my son." She looked back at Alec and wipe his tears away, she brushed his hair back and cupped his face. "My boy, let me look at you. Are you alright? How's the babies?" Alec smiled and nodded. He couldn't form any words and Magnus knows how much he misses her. "They are doing great, I think we're having a girl or maybe girls." Magnus shrugged his shoulder and smiled. Maryse couldn't help but teared up hearing she will have granddaughter soon. "How's the morning sickness? Are you eating healthy?" Magnus gave Alec a angry look and Alec didn't look back. "Good luck getting him to eat healthy stuffs. He only ate what he wanted to eat. I cant even made him eat broccoli." Alec glared at Magnus for blabbing at his mum. Maryse couldn't help but to laugh at them together. "I remember your dad used to hate me eating junk food when I'm carrying you. I loved eating pickled jar so much I brought them to bed with me." Alec smiled hearing his mum reminiscing the past but then it hits him. "Is dad here?" He's not worried but he just not ready to meet him. "No, of course not. he's at work. I'm alone" Alec held her hand tight and he couldn't stop his tears. "I'm so sorry mum, its my fault our family falling apart. It's my fault Max is dead. If I wasn't so weak we will still be a happy family." Alec started feeling guilty and felt all the burden is actually because of him. Magnus rubbed his back and looked at Maryse. She still held his hands tight, then he grab one of Magnus' hand and placed it together with Alec. "No Alec, its never was your fault. Even though your straight or you did everything your father told you too, he still unhappy with his life. He still wanted more. More money, more pleasure and more fame. I'm happy you found your happiness with Magnus and I know he'll take better care of you. I love you Alec and don't ever forget that." Maryse hold their hands together and Alec nodded. "I gotta go. I have some errands to run. we'll see each other soon okay." Maryse cupped her son's face and Alec couldn't help to hug her one last time. Then she walked out with her trolley out from the store. Magnus held Alec and he knows how devastated Alec is. they continued to shop few more items and paid out. The whole time in the car Alec was quiet and didn't say a word. Magnus tried to make conversation but he didn't respond to any, not even one of Magnus' jokes. It got him worried cause Alec wont even look at him, his head always turning to the window outside and lost in his own thoughts. When they arrived at their loft, Magnus was getting their groceries item out from the car when Alec grabbed few bags with him. "Alec don't, I got this, you head upstairs and opened the door for me." Alec ignores him and keep on getting the bag from their car trunk. "I got it, its not that heavy anyway." Alec refused to listen to his alpha and that made Magnus angry. "Alexander Gideon Lightwood! If you don't put that bag down you will eat only vegetable and fruits for 3 days straight!" He said pointed his finger at Alec full on Alpha mode. "Alec ignores him and took the bag and turned his back away from him mumbling, "Whatever." Then he went to the elevator heading to their loft. Leaving Magnus alone at the car picking up the rest of the groceries bag.

When Magnus reached at the front door, it wasn't locked. He went to put the stuffs in the kitchen and saw Alec start unpacking. Keeping the dry and wet food accordingly. "Alexander. Just leave it there, I'll finished it up later." Alec keeps on ignoring him and the worst part is Magnus couldn't figured out why Alec being so upset. "Alexander would you stop and looked at me!" Alec stop unpacking the stuff and turned his head to Magnus." Magnus sighed looking at Alec's eyes which now has tears on them. "Alexander would you please tell me what's going on. Your silenced is haunting me. I don't know what to do. Tell me how to make you feel better." Alec looked down and went back to the groceries which made Magnus more angry and he grabbed his wrist. "Would you talk to me please damn it! Tell me so I can fix it" Alec pulled his hand away from Magnus and accidentally knocked on the glass and it shattered fall on the kitchen floor. Magnus sighed and gave up on talking to Alec. "I'll grab a broom." He went to get the broom stick from the cabinet and leaving Alec in the kitchen. Alec looked down at the shattered glass and he bend down, he picked up the glass piece by his bare hand, suddenly one of the glass has sharps ends  cutting through Alec's skin. Alec hissed in pain and went to the sink to wash the blood away before Magnus came back but he was too late. Magnus saw he cut himself. He rushed to him and held his fingers. "Alexander what did you do? Are you tried to hurt yourself." Alec pushed his hand away and grabbed the tissue to hold the bleeding. It wasn't that bad but because of Alec's condition he had problem to stop the bleeding. "I'm calling Cat." Magnus said as he grabbed his phone. "Don't bother. Its just a small cut. Don't have to exaggerate on everything Magnus." That words felt like a pang in his heart. "What is that supposed to mean? Did I do something wrong? Did I upset you in some ways? Cause if I did tell me so I can fix it." Alec looked at Magnus who had a tired look in his eyes trying to convinced Alec to tell him. "Nothing is wrong with you Mags, its just hormones. Would you drop it!" He shouted as he ran towards their bedroom looking for a band aid. He went to the bathroom and opened the cabinet to find the band aid and then he applied on his wounded finger. He locked the bathroom door so that Magnus won't barged in. He stood there in front of the mirror looking at himself. His hair, his eyes, his nose, he couldn't help but hating his face cause every time he looks at it only to remind him how much he and his father look alike. How he hated that men so much. He sobbed at the sink grasping the sink bowl tight until his knuckles are white. He couldn't take it anymore. He wanted to let everything go. He still remembers when his father chased him out from the house, he wanted to kill himself but only to be saved by Magnus. That idea actually sounds good few months ago before carrying these twins now. He kneeled down on the bathroom floor sobbing like a child but his heart couldn't take it anymore. He keep on hitting his thigh until it hurts. He hoped hurting his legs would covered up the pain in his heart but it gets worst made him keep on repeating doing the same thing but to the wall of the bathroom. "Stupid! Useless! You are worthless! You should haven't been born! Your a mess in this world that everyone else have to cleaned it." That words keep on playing over and over in his head. He keep on hurting himself but he didn't even realized when he has the scissors in his hand. He didn't realized he hurt himself with the scissors making his hand bleed. He dropped the scissors on the floor and it made a loud sound cause it's a metal. Causing Magnus to come and knock on the door. "Alexander? What is going on in there? Why the door is locked? Alec opened the door now!" Magnus commanded but the bathroom went silent. He didn't hear Alec cried or sobbed but total dead silenced. He couldn't wait for his Alexander to opened the door anymore so he went to get the key to opened it. When he turned the key, he pushed the door open and found Alec on the bathroom door bleeding out from his hand. He leaned against the tub with his leg bend and his hand on the side. He was staring at the wall empty and Magnus held his shoulder back. "Alec! What did you do? Why you tried to hurt yourself?" Magnus held a small towel on his right hand to stop the bleeding. Alec didn't reply to him instead tears were running down on his cheeks. "I hate it, I hate him. I couldn't save my own family how can I have my own family?" Alec spoke to Magnus but the words he only wished he didn't hear coming out from his omega's mouth. "Alec please don't say that. Please. I know you are stronger than this. We can fight this." Alec stares at him blankly, but then he saw Magnus had tears in his eyes. He didn't wipe it, it just falls on his cheek. Seeing Alec like this broke his heart into pieces. He doesn't know what to do or comfort him. Magnus cleaned his wound and covered it with a gauze and bandage it nicely. The next thing he knew he carried Alec to their bedroom cause he passed out on the bathroom floor. Magnus couldn't help but cried out while holding Alec's body on the bed. He wished he is stronger since he is the Alpha but he realized his weakness. Alec is his weakness and he couldn't lose him. They both fall asleep on the bed with Magnus lying on Alec's shoulder, hugging his body. He placed Alec's hand on the tummy together with him covering the bump. Hoping that when he woke up, they would talk like an adult. 

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so guessed who had another episodes of suicidal attempt. being depressed is hard, it doesnt just kills you but your family too. i guess living thousand miles away from them helps cause they wont see you're actually hurting. my therapist told me to write my thoughts down so i did. but that doesnt change anything. feeling your skin being pierced or sliced is one thing but it helps lessening the guilt you had. hope you guys enjoyed reading the chapter cause i felt worst as i'm not a writer to begin with and i don't gave a damn about  anything anymore. Malec is just my idea of distracting myself, to keep me occupied or even felt love.