Climax (JESSIE J)

Chapter 29

Friday came round quickly, they say time flies when you're having fun and it really, really does. Thursday morning I was a bit achy, much to Jessie's delight so she went off to the studio without me and I had a lazy day with Holly and Alisha. We just sat in mine and Jessie's room watching shitty American sitcoms, eating junk food and bizarrely enough talking about our futures. I sensed a tinge of almost jealously between the girls and Jessie, she had her life sorted and they didn't but it didn't and wouldn't ever cause friction. Jessie came back around 4ish buzzing about how her album sounded now it was finished and how nervous she was about its release. Album 3 was being released in October time so her campaign started now. The four of us sat on our bed and joked around about inventive ways of selling it and trying to come up with a name. Something J was very adamant about though- no one was to know the name until SHE told everyone.

Before we knew it was 6pm and Holly and Alisha said their goodbyes, Jessie hopped off the bed and dug around in her bag, she pulled out 2 theatre tickets.

"You didn't?!" I'd exclaimed, "I told you not to!"

"I couldn't help it, your face was too damn cute"

***

Thinking back on the week I smiled at the ceiling. The upset seemed like a lifetime ago and the argument with my dad seemed even longer. Jessie walked out of the bathroom humming Defying Gravity from Wicked. She groaned and buried her head in a pillow.

"You bitch it's stuck in my head!" She moaned, I giggled and kissed her temple.

"You better get it out of your head, you've got a single to record"

Jessie grimaced at me and I giggled, "what's that face for baby?"

"I dunno, I'm getting all nervy" she admitted, scrunching her nose up, I kissed it pulled her into me.

"You'll be fine J, you're a little superstar and Ari and Nicki have the prestigious honour of working with you." I playfully mocked, Jessie grinned into my neck, "You're cute when you're like this, I never see scaredy cat Jessie"

Jessie sat up and scowled at me.

"I was looking for my supportive girlfriend, have you seen her anywhere?" She huffed, climbing off me. She hopped off the bed but I grabbed her wrist.

"Don't be like that beautiful, you know I'm only messing around"

She ignored me and stared at the door, I kissed her temple, her cheek, her nose, her whole face until a smiled pulled at her lips. She giggled and rolled her eyes.

"Why can't I stay mad at you?"

"Because I'm Faaabbbullouusss darling" I chimed, doing my best Sharon Osborne impression, "Why are you nervous Jess? What could go wrong?" I asked, genuinely interested.

"I dunno... They might not like me?"

"And what happens if they doesn't, you don't perform together? Listen beautiful, you have nothing to lose, ok? Just go for it with a positive attitude is you and it will be amazing I know it" I promised, rubbing my hands up and down her arms. Jessie beamed and kissed me gently on the lips.

"I love you so much Kayla" she hummed against my lips, "what are you going to do this afternoon? You can come studio if you want, I'm sure they wouldn't mind"

I stroked her cheek, "I got the feeling last time that you were holding back, you looked embarrassed almost, I don't know why but they need you at your best"

"But I-" Jessie started, I pressed my index finger against her lips

"You don't need to explain it Jess, studio is your happy place,"

"How did I get so lucky?" Jessie grinned pushing me back down on to the bed.

My stomach dropped, why can I never tell her the truth? And I mean the whole truth, the real reason I wasn't going, not the petty half hearted excuse. I could feel myself digging a bigger hole every time I lied to her, and one day I was going to trip and fall straight into it.

The truth? I'd booked myself another appointment at the shrink before we flew home early tomorrow morning. I felt like I needed to talk through more stuff before I went back to reality in London. I needed her advice on what to do about my dad, my mum, Maisy, Jessie, everyone. I just needed to. Why I couldn't tell Jessie? Who the hell knows?

Jessie kissed me on the cheek and clambered out the cab, I wished her luck and waved her off, handing the cab driver the doctor's office I flung my body back against the car seat and watched as New York City whizzed by me. I say whizzed, but the traffic was awful in the city.

Sat back in the doctor's office my body became all tense and my legs started shaking. I missed Jessie's warmth next to me, her support. She should have come, she should he here.

At 5 past 2, the doctor strolled out and welcomed me in to her office. The thing I like most about her was her warmth, it literally radiated off her. She had a strong southern accent that sound like she had popped out of a cowboy movie. She was a plump woman with a huge smile and mousy hair. But god was she patronising.

"Did you come alone today Kayla?" She asked, dropping into her chair behind her mahogany desk.

"Yeah, Jessie couldn't make it" it wasn't a total lie; I played with the hair band that was around my wrist.

"Does she know you're here?" She asked,

Busted? I think so.

"Of course she does, she was gutted that she missed it" I lied

"Do you lie a lot?" She smiled, almost mocking me. Well that was quite blunt.

"No!... Well yeah, I guess" I admitted

"Why do you think that is?"

I swallowed hard, "because I want to protect people, I like telling people what they want to hear. The truth hurts sometimes"

"The truth hurts more when it's been hiding for a long time, you understand that?" Patronising.

I nodded, she was right; I could tell by Jessie's eyes that she was more hurt that I'd kept everything about my dad hidden than how I'd broken her promises.

"I got the impression that you lie to Jessie a lot, why is that do you think?" And again with the P word.

I shrugged,

"Do you not trust her?"

"Of course I do! I love her" I exclaimed, I did trust Jessie, I trusted her with my life, "I feel embarrassed sometimes I guess, sometimes I'm worried that my problems seem bigger in my head and I don't want her to judge me"

"But she's not going to. If she loves you, which it sounds like she does, surely she won't judge you?"

"I know. I do know that but I'm still scared she will. She might think I'm being stupid, selfish and weak and I can't have her thinking that, I just can't" my eyes frosted and I forced my words out through gritted teeth.

"You can trust me, Kayla. From what I've heard in our short time together, you're not weak, and you have every right to confide in someone about how you feel. I think Jessie must be so proud of you; she would want to help you. The most important thing I want you to take out of the 2 sessions we've had here and the ones I've organised back in the UK- which I hope you attend- is that you can trust people Kayla. You can trust me, you can trust Jessie and most importantly you can trust yourself"

"Trust myself?" I asked

"Follow your heart Kayla, don't over analyse everything, and don't keep everything to yourself. Trust your instincts because they usually have the right idea. Trust you."

Trust me. Is she crazy?

I feel like this story is really slow and boring you all and help hahaa

What do you guys want to happen??