Climax (JESSIE J)

Chapter 38

At exactly 6 o'clock I heard the front door go and Jessie's footsteps in the hallway. I gripped onto the work surface behind me and gulped loudly.

Here goes nothing.

She appeared in the doorway and didn't even glance in my direction. She was humming idily, but I didn't recognize the tune, she dropped her bag on the work surface and pulled out a large wooden spoon from her cutlery drawer. Jessie pulled the lid of her slow cooker and poked at whatever was cooking inside it. Satisfied with it, she replaced the lid and wandered into the front room, not acknowledging me at all.

I heard the TV flick on and I followed the sound to find Jessie sat on the sofa, her phone in her hand, watching a re-run of F.R.I.E.N.D.S she'd seen a zillion times.

"Jess?" I called at her, no response. I scoffed at her childishness and turned the TV off by the moniter. 

That caught her attention.

"I was watching that!" She snapped, 

"Why are you behaving like such a bloody child?!" I half yelled, my grouchiness from lack of sleep seeping out.

Jessie through her phone away from her and stood up, "Don't you dare come into my house and shout at me after what you've done!"

I sighed heavily and took a step towards her, "Jessie I'm so sorry, it was a mistake and I-"

"A mistake?! Are you fucking kidding me right now. A mistake?" She screamed, "Kayla, you broke this man's nose, bruised four of his ribs and gave him serious concussion, this was not a mistake." 

My mouth went dry and I shivered, I couldn't have done that. My head span and my legs felt like jelly. Unable to support the walking baseball bat that I'd suddenly become.

"I was drunk, I didn't know what I was doing," I stuttered, even I knew my excuses were poor. 

"And that makes it all better doesn't it?" Jessie scoffed, 

"No, of course it doesn't. But this wasn't me Jessie, I didn't mean for this to happen, I can't even remember it..."

"Don't you see how horrible that is, you beat a man to a pulp for no reason and you can't remember doing it." She was suddenly calm. 

My blood boiled, "It wasn't for no reason Jessie! He was insulting you, he was being so rude, I just-"

"So that makes it OK then?" Jessie interrupted, "Its fine that you beat this guy up and got arrested because it was being a bit mean to me, yeah?"

"No that isn't what I'm saying! Don't make me seem evil and violent here Jessie as if I just went out and attacked an Innocent man! I was doing this to protect you!" I screamed at her, trying to defend myself.

"How were you protecting me if I wasn't even there? He wasn't hurting me was he?" Jessie yelled back, 

"You should have heard what he was saying, Jess..." 

"Has it ever occurred to you that maybe I don't want to hear the horrible things people are saying about me? I'm not stupid Kayla, I do know that some people don't like my music, and I don't care. but it does hurt me when they say mean things," she crossed her arms across her chest, "It doesn't mean I go attacking everyone who does!"

Rage poured out of me, "You're not fucking listening to me!" I shrieked, arms flailing, I took a step towards her. 

Jessie jumped and took a step backwards, bringing her arms protectively over her face. 

She thought I was going to hit her. 

All of my angry washed away and was replaced by a sudden panic. I bought my arms down calmly and cupped Jessie's face in my hands. Jessie shook like a leaf and I'd never seen such fear in her eyes. 

 "Jessie, you know I would never hurt you don't you?" I asked in a whisper, panicked tears brewing in my eyes. 

"I don't even recognize you anymore," Jessie said, "Who are you?" 

I slid my hands down her arms and tried to lace my fingers in hers. She kept her hands in fists by her thighs. 

"You remind of-" Jessie started, 

"Please don't say it." I pleaded,

"You remind me of your dad," she finished, I stepped back and dropped her hands.

"I'm nothing like him," I spat, "His a vicious drunk, I'm nothing like him."

"Do you not see?" Jessie's eyes were sad, "This is exactly what he does. He gets drunk, attacks you and then wakes up and can't remember what he's done the next day. The damage he's done. You're exactly like him, Kayla. You're becoming your dad."

"Fuck you Jessie," I shouted, "How dare you compare me to him. You know nothing about what he's like, what he's done to me. Fuck you Jessie, don't be such a fucking bitch" I screamed at her, hot tears pouring out of my eyes. My hands were in fists by my sides and I was struggling to breathe properly. 

"Get out," Jessie snapped, "Get the fuck out of my house," 

I cried more, "Jessie don't please I'm so sorry, I didn't mean that,"

"How dare you, after everything thing you've done, after every promise you've broken and after every time you've lied to me talk to me like that in my own house. You disgust me Kayla, what the hell have you become." Jessie's words stung but I didn't care, I couldn't lose her.

"Jessie I-"

"I can't even look at you. I don't know why I ever trusted you. You're too much for me to handle Kayla, I can't be with someone who needs taking care of and needs watching over all the time, grow the fuck up and get out of my house, we're done." 

Jessie's face was bright red and her cheeks sodden with tears. No. We were not done. We couldn't be done. I needed her, I couldn't be without her anymore. I was in love with her, I was totally and completely in love with her. 

"Jessie please, I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you, I promise. Please, let me show you. You can trust me please." I ran over to her and sunk to my knees, sobbing at her feet. Classy.

"I can't do this anymore, Kayla. I don't have the strength." Her voice sounded weak, she shook me off her and walked over to the doorway, "I'm going to call a cab for you and then I'm going to bed. Leave your key on the table on your way out." Her words were cold as they hit my heart.

"But Jessie, I love you," I choked out, 

Jessie sighed a tired sigh, she looked defeated. "Don't make this harder than it has to be, you've broken too many promises Kayla. Please, just do yourself a favour and go home." She turned on her heels and I heard the bedroom door slam before I fell apart on her living room floor.

The cab came and took me home. I didn't leave her key on the table, I kept it securely on my key ring. 

I wasn't ready to let her go.

sorry