One Last Chance: A Nymphadora Tonks and Remus Lupin Love Story

VI

It's been more than a week since the last mission. The children were off at school and safer at Hogwarts than they were here at 12 Grimmauld Place. But the worse part was yet to come for Remus. It wasn't going to be over yet.

He was staying with Sirius for a short while. There were several rooms he could stay in and he really had his pick. But of course, he picked the simplest and most unassuming one. He'd be leaving it in a few minutes.

Remus quickly crawled out of his bed and snuck past Sirius's room. He didn't need to endanger his friend any longer. Sirius always cared about him, but Remus didn't want to impose any longer. He delicately slid out the doors of 12 Grimmauld Place.

Remus ran, far away. Looking for a place he could go to change. The moon was rising quickly. His eyes searched the town. Apparration... he thought. But to where? The Shrieking Shack? Would that be too far? Would he be able to apparate quick enough?  He swore under his breath, deciding it was too far. Perhaps his childhood home would serve as well.

Remus apparated to his home. Well, his parents' anyway. Hopefully they weren't home. His mother had died a short while ago, but he wasn't so sure whether or not his father was still present. No matter now, the moon was rising higher and higher into the sky. A bright circle of horror and tragedy for Remus.

Doors weren't locked. Remus was suspicious. He rushed inside, and hurried to the backyard. And sat there. Waiting patiently for the time to come. A shiver ran through his body. The change was going to be painful. He didn't want to put anybody else in the pain he went through. He didn't want to see his friends suffer at the sight of him. Friends. People who loved him... cared for him...

Impossible, he berated himself, no one could ever love someone as beastly and worthless as you. Remus didn't want anyone close to him to be hurt. That's why he pushed so many people away. Except the forever stubborn Sirius Black and James Potter. Peter and Lily refused to let him believe he was worthless.

But not what would happen? Sirius was trapped in the walls of his hated childhood home. James and Lily were dead, their son the only legacy of them. Peter had joined You-Know-Who in fear. The world was no longer safe nor happy. The wizarding world was split. But there weren't just good and bad sides, Remus told himself, everyone has a flaw. So many would die. So many innocent people.

Remus's thoughts drifted to Tonks and the rest of the Order. They all seemed to love him and care for him. They treated him like the family he once had during his years at Hogwarts. Molly and Arthur. Dumbledore. Kingsley. Even Mad-Eye wasn't so bad half the time. The Weasley children. Harry. Hermione. Without them, there be no hope for a better, brighter world. That's why Remus kept fighting. He fought his transformations. He refused to become a murderer. A hated creature. A disgusting beast. Anything but those titles.

But, a small part inside him poked at his mind. That little piece said that everything he thought was true. No one would love him. He was all of the above. Ugly, hideous, horrifying, ghastly.

That's why he couldn't get close to people. He'd end up hurting them. And one they found out his secret... Remus didn't want to imagine the consequences and the prices his friends would pay.

His mind wandered once more. To the gentle and mischievous grin of a Nymphadora Tonks. Oh, how he'd rather move out of the country. He wanted to run. He didn't think he would able to stand watching her fall in love with someone else. Marrying that other someone. Beginning a whole new life, completely forgetting about Remus. Remus didn't want to be forgotten by a women who seemed to be sweet on him. His heart began to ache. But that wasn't the only thing hurting. The time had finally come.

Remus felt his bones shatter. The pain was unbearable, even though he'd faced it the last thirty-one years of his life. It was a like a small fire dancing and spreading under his skin. The hurt. The aching.

His flesh morphed to fit his new skeletal system. Fur grew quickly. His eyesight became better and more accustomed to the dark night. Remus suddenly had a thirst for blood and madness. He couldn't understand why he wanted it. He just did. But the pain... nothing seemed to be able to hurt more.

His howls pierced the evening silence. Howls of fury. Pain. Torture. Fright. Thirst. Hunger. Remus was angry. He couldn't control the way he felt. Something inside him erupted. A hunger for blood and flesh. Something. Anything to satisfy his needs.

The pain flared up under his skin and bones. Inside him was a battle. On one side, a thirst for the blood of a living being. The satisfaction of a kill. The wonder of having a raw meal. On the other, a need to scratch himself furiously. Something to rid his body of the pain. He wanted to claw at his own skin. For he felt like such a horrendous creature. A being no one would desire to encounter. A thing one would hope to see killed.

Would his own blood satisfy his needs? Would it? He'd take pleasure in tearing at his own skin, shouldn't he? Punishment for being a werewolf. Punishment for wanting someone who would never be his. Penance for wanted to murder another being. Retribution for his selfishness, wanting his friends to be with him through every transformation. Discipline. He needed this.

Remus scratched at his fur and skin roughly, his sharply claws piercing the flesh. Blood spilling from the wound. He was worthless, absolutely worthless. What matter would it be to the rest of the world if he passed. But Remus wanted it to be a better world. But what if he stopped fighting? What if?

Remus finally felt himself tiring out. His strikes were slowed, less harmful. Hie eyelids were heavy. He collapsed into heap of fur, flesh, and blood.

A huge thank you to those reading, voting and commenting. I would once again like to apologize for my lack of a British accent for the characters. (I don't own them, all rights to JKR). Seeing as I'm a 13 year old Filipino New Yorker, I cannot replicate a British accent or feel for these characters. (I've also never been to Europe). Please point out a few mistakes (in a kind way) I make in their dialogue so I can fix it. Love you all!

-Abby