One Last Chance: A Nymphadora Tonks and Remus Lupin Love Story

XIV

Tonks apparated to her home near the forest, a mess of tears and snot. She wiped her face with the sleeve of her jacket, refused to believe that the man she loved was so stupid as to volunteer for a death wish.

But that very same man had come knocking on her door an hour later.

She was innocently cleaning, but her clumsiness was making a mess right after she'd fixed it. Tonks sweeped, wiped, and even dusted a few of her shelves to keep her mind off of Remus.

When the knock on her door was heard through her home, she didn't race to answer. Even as she walked slowly, she managed to trip on the coffee table and bellow a string of articulate swears and curses not meant for those under the age of ten. Tonks opened the door after undoing the lock.

Remus.

She blew a strand of hair out of her face before meeting his eyes. He ran a hand through his wavy sandy brown hair and wore a wool sweater. His eyes held curiosity and gentleness. 

"What are you doing here?" she asked, her tone uncaring and serious.
"I... I wanted to se—see you." he stuttered, a small smile on his face.

Tonks was certainly not amused. Did he really think he could come back with flowers as an apology and she would forgive him completely. She stepped outside and stood on her tippy toes as an attempt to get in his face. It wasn't working. Remus was simply too tall.

"Look, you really thought you could just come to my house with a hug and I'd forgive you completely? For ignoring me? For never listening to me? For never... oh dammit. I can't do this right. You're too tall."

At this, Remus chuckled, the grin plain on his face. She wanted to slap him. Did he not realize how unhappy she was? The bloody idiot. But suddenly, she felt warm arms wrap around her. Remus was... hugging her.

"I came to apologize for not listening to you." he spoke softly, whispering in her ear, "I'm sorry."

Tonks was speechless. The words had simply died in her throat. But less than a moment later, he slipped away, leaving her alone at her house. A small smile. A wave.

The holidays weren't bright without Remus and Sirius. There wasn't really anywhere to spend them, Except with her family. Her parents were still kind and loving enough to hav their twenty-two year old daughter spend the holidays at their home. 

The Tonks family cottage was decorated with Christmas lights and wreaths. A tree near the fireplace was decorated with ornaments and flowers. A delicate angel sat in top. Tonks grinned.

Remus had been gone for so long now. She didn't think he'd want to stay among the more violent werewolves for more than six months. It felt as if he didn't want to anywhere near her. Tonks felt her heart break a little. Why didn't he want to be near her? She thought he enjoyed her dry but witty humor and fun personality. Was it because she was clumsy? She was too young and immature?

Tonks had begun to have self doubts for a while. Since she had met ... Remus. Tonks liked to portray herself as a confident person who didn't have a care in the world. She didn't really feel that way. No one does. Everybody has self doubts, she told herself.

For a bit of more fun and magic in the household, Tonks casted the patronus spell to see a little jackrabbit running around her house. What she saw was much different burst from the top of her wand was much different. Very different, indeed.

~oOo~

Remus was really beginning to hate this mission. Werewolves were messy people and had no sense of personal hygiene whatsoever. But Remus did what he could to help the Order and ... keep away from her.

Whenever the lovely picture of a pink haired witch came to mind, Remus would end up standing or sitting and just daydreaming. He shook his head to clear his thoughts. He couldn't think about her. He couldn't.

Because thinking about her made him love her more. And making him love her more meant he'd have the courage to marry her and end up making her an outcast in society. Remus loved her enough to keep away from her.

He'd pushed the thoughts behind him. The werewolves didn't really live altogether, they loved in smaller packs. Remus had been wandering from pack to pack, pretending he was a stray (which he was, he didn't exactly live among other werewolves) and under a fake name. He'd changed the name several times from Charles White to John Church to Edward Brown and so on and so forth.

He did all of this to keep away from her. Remus wanted to see her again, but he knew he couldn't. If he married her, the results would be disastrous. Oh, but how his heart yearned to see her again.

The embrace they shared was kind and comforting. The gentle smell of candy and flowers. Salty sea air. Her soft hair. He missed her so much it hurt. Why did he volunteer for this mission again?

Remus was pulled from his daydream. You volunteered to make sure she wouldn't love you, a little voice poked him, and she'd love some young and wealthy coworker and you'd be forever forgotten by her. That thought brought sadness to his heart. Forgotten by the woman he'd loved the most? He knew that she'd fall in love with someone else as long as he was away from her, but he didn't want to be forgotten.

A whole new fantasy came to mind. The war being over and You-Know-Who was dead. Witches and wizards would be able to settle down and have a family. Everyone could make whole new lives for themselves and others. But he wasn't forgotten by the woman he loved the most.

Tonks would have a small family, and Remus could come over everyday just to visit them. They could still be friends. Maybe not as close as Remus would have wanted them to be, but still close.

He pictured Tonks sitting on a couch, cradling a child of a year old. Remus was looking down at a young boy, no more than the age of five. He had bright blue hair that changed colors. Tonks looked up to smile at him, her hazel eyes shining with happiness and satisfaction. But no longer the love or pain from when they fought in the war.

Remus shook his head to wipe the image away. He needed to focus on the task at hand, not what he wished or wanted. He promised to see her again, what the war was good and won.