One Last Chance: A Nymphadora Tonks and Remus Lupin Love Story

XLIV

Remus was extremely nervous. It was that time of month. His wife was wholly and utterly convinced that nothing would happen while he was gone, but he'd refused to leave her by herself. He was always the cautious one.

They'd decided that she'd stay at the Weasley's house until he was alright. He hated leaving her and he rather not even have her accompany him in an animal form. Expecting or not. Remus wasn't going to risk hurting her.

She'd often ask if she could go with him as far as the forest. Remus always answered with a firm no. Hurting himself, he could put up with. Hurting the one he loved the most, that would be unimaginable pain and sorrow for him.

He hoped that this moon wouldn't be worse than the ones he'd suffered before. It was still morning, though and it seemed like such a short time before he had to leave.

Molly served them pastries and tea. He chatted with her, talking about what was happening at Hogwarts, which only unsettled his nerves even more. His wife must be with the twins, talking about new pranks of some sort, he assumed. His pranking days seemed to be behind him, but that didn't mean he couldn't pull a occasional good one nor be sassy as heck.

He wished he could talk to Arthur on how to be a father. But Arthur was at work. There weren't many people that he could see and sit down with nowadays. His friends were dead. His father probably didn't want to see his son during a war and find that he (kind of, not really) eloped. The Burrow was bustling and busy, filled with Ministry officials and Death Eaters who wanted to find out what was happening there. He supposed that visiting Bill and Fleur would be alright, but they lived too far.

He was so reckless now. Less cautious than he was before. But when you were in the middle of war, risks were an everyday thing. He'd done so much without thinking about his decision. Running away. Hiding himself. Remus thought back on his years at Hogwarts. The smiles of his best friends. The grins he received from passing students and teachers. Oh, but how everything changed in the blink of an eye.

He'd told Harry, Ron and Hermione that he'd married Dora without thinking. That was a lie he couldn't believe he'd said. Truth was, he'd thought about it for so long and thought hard. He never dreamed of meeting the perfect girl when he was young. It just simply wasn't a possibility, for him.

How fake and unbelievable others would think their marriage was! Most people would never think a woman in her right mind would marry a werewolf. Someone inflicted with lycanthropy. That was always his problem. He'd never dreamed someone would love him for who he was and look past his disease. It was the only reason he'd hadn't let so many people into his life. He'd never fallen in love before.

Oh but how he looked at her. Every second she glanced at him was a moment of joy and delight. During Order meetings, when they'd all make faces across the table (as serious as the conversation was). Something tugged at his heart when he saw at her.

Before her, he'd never realized how many possibilities this world had to offer. He'd never before believed that he was good enough for someone. (He still didn't believe he was good enough for his wife.) He never felt worthy of friendship or companionship or love. But falling for her changed all that. His eyes were opened and he began to really live. Live the life he'd always wanted to live. Living the life he wanted his parents to see.

He wished his caring mother and brilliant father could meet the girl who'd changed his life forever. The woman he'd truly fallen for after a year of companionship. The beautiful and energetic person who'd given him life again.

With each passing minute, a new doubt and regret resurfaced. Regrets were easy to make, but hard to let go of. He'd regretted marrying her, thinking he would ruin her life forever. But that was proven completely wrong. Remus had never been happier. He remembered dreaming about a future with her. Now, that was a given.

He never thought they could marry. He'd never be able to take her on trips, buy her nice things or even have a family, but she'd excepted that. She always told him that had money. Her mother and father had placed wealth from the Black family into their vault, and the Black family was one of the wealthiest. Andromeda had just as much (possibly more, after sneaking a few funds into her own vault) as her sisters. Dora had her share of that money, which was more than enough to support them both. Every time he glanced at her, he remembered the family that they could have after this war. Maybe it'd worry him and make him anxious, but it made his wife happy. And that was more than enough for him.

He'd thought of a future for the first time with a family of his own. Something his parents would have loved to see. He sent a sideways glance to his wife, who was laughing at a few of the new products at the Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes that Fred and George had showed her. A true prankster at heart.

He'd felt so alone before. So isolated from the rest of the world without his friends. Sirius' death didn't make that any better. And Remus had lost his mentor, Dumbledore, who was seemingly timeless and everlasting. Sirius and Dumbledore never seemed like they could die, or even thought it possible. Sirius' personality, much like his wife's, was effortless and so happy that you'd think they could laugh forever. He remembered the days Sirius was tease him endlessly about how he snuck glances at Dora across the table at Order meetings. Remus remembered thinking that he was going to hex Sirius if he didn't shut up. Dumbledore was the type of person you'd suspect had been living for thousands of years. These deaths reminded him that they could lose anyone in this war. Dumbledore was someone who'd given him a new life in his year of teaching and letting him rejoin (so to speak) the Order of the Phoenix.

Remus had realized only a short while ago that he could lose his life in this war, also. He looked at his wife once more. Whatever he did, he would never, ever take that smile off her face. That effortless and kind smile. I solemnly swear it, he promised silently and with a smile tugging at his lips, recalling the words of his friends and co-creators of the Marauders map.