One Last Chance: A Nymphadora Tonks and Remus Lupin Love Story

XV

This is a revision of the original chapter. The original version of this chapter contained scenes that weren't canon (they were only in the movies). And I usually try to stick to what's in the books. Enjoy the revision!

Tonks found the rest of the holiday quite depressing, seeing as there weren't many assignments to do for the Order. Mad-Eye had seemed to give her a break from all the missions and sleuthing. She didn't really want to deal with any of this fighting anymore.

It was finally the day before Christmas Eve. Or Christmas Eve Eve, as she had jokingly called it. She had absolutely no idea where the heck she was going to be spending her Christmas. Molly had offered for her to come over and have dinner there, but Tonks had turned it down. She didn't really want to celebrate when the man she loved was in danger. Grave danger.

Tonks stood to decorate the tree. She could imagine how much fun this much be at the Weasley's house. A huge family. A large gathering of children decorating the trees and later sitting by the fireplace opening presents. Everyone would drink hot chocolate and tell stories and fables.

Tonks always dreamed of having a family. A large one no doubt. Her mother had been disowned by the Blacks after she had married Tonks' father, Ted Tonks. Her father's relatives weren't close and she only spend her time with her mum and dad.

Having a family to celebrate the holidays with was something she would love to have. Children opening presents, gleeful smiles on their faces. Snuggling by the fireplace. Having not a care in the world. She sighed, letting lose a breath of air she didn't know she was holding.

Sirius' death wouldn't be an easy thing to overcome. She couldn't imagine how difficult it must be for Remus. Sirius had been his childhood best friend. Or Harry. He was Harry's godfather who had been absent for twelve years of Harry's life. But he still cared. Sirius was also her mother's cousin. They must have been close.

She spent the Christmas alone. Hot chocolate by the frosty windows. Curling up under the blankets and watching the movies that they played every Christmas. A personal favorite of hers was The Nightmare before Christmas.

She sighed. Her home was so melancholy for such a joyful holiday. She'd turned down the offer of spending Christmas with her parents because they seemed to have done things differently since she moved out.

How she recalled baking cookies with her mother. Or her father picking her up so she could put the star on the tree. (Seeing as Dora was horribly clumsy, she'd dropped the star quite a few times.) The warm smells coming from the kitchen. Bright lights shining from the tree. Under the tree sat a present for each one of them.

Maybe she could visit her parents... she did get them presents. Tonks glanced at the clock on her wall. It was the late and they wouldn't be awake right now. She sighed and huddled under the blanket a bit more snuggly. She felt quite tired, working at the Ministry has gotten harder. Worse than it used to be.

She closed her eyes for just a second, then drifted off to sleep.

~oOo~

Remus decided to spend Christmas at the Burrow. One less reason to see her. Molly had let him stay over for the night, which he was forever grateful for.

They'd spent the evening talking. Remus didn't want to think about what they were talking about. It was dangerous to know things these times. The food was glorious, as it always was when it was made by Molly Weasley. The children were simply overjoyed when they opened gifts and talked around the table. Remus stood apart, admiring their shining and happy faces.

Remus missed Tonks. Quirky smile. Shining eyes. He scolded himself, the more you think about her, the harder it will be for you to leave.

Remus was going to be helping Dumbledore by living with a pack of werewolves. He'd be finding out who they worked for. What they did. And a lot more valuable information. It wasn't the most wonderful job in the world, but it pushed her away from his mind.

Yes, he loved her. He loved her dearly and would never risk seeing the pain on her face every time he returned from a full moon. He'd only be a burden for her. An emotional burden. A financial burden.

Remus never dreamed of getting married or having a family. To him, it was just never a possibility. He was a werewolf, someone other people could never love. But she did. He'd loved her back. He loved everything about her.

He'd been amused by her quirky antics when they'd first met. She was a star, shining in the dark and making others smile using her talents. Then he'd become impressed after that first mission. Extremely talented at magic. Wordless enchantments and spells. But still knew how to smile. She never let the fact that she was amazing at magic get to her head. Tonks never seemed to think herself higher than anyone else and looked amazed when Molly performed the simplest of household spells.

Then, he was smitten. Sirius teased him relentlessly. Teased. In the past. When his best friend was still alive. Remus' heart nearly stopped as he remembered the Veil. The fighting. The death.

Oh, but how he was smitten with her amazing personality. She was wonderful all the same. He cherished every minute they spent together during and after Order meetings and how he missed going to her house for meals. That way, they wouldn't both be alone. But that time together had diminished greatly. He hadn't seen her in the longest time.

He wondered how she was spending Christmas. She'd probably gone to her parents' home. If she didn't, he hoped that she wasn't spending the holidays all by herself. Remus knew he had to stop thinking about her. He'd never be able to leave.

He could only stay away from her, hoping that she'd fall out of love with him. It aches his heart to think of that. Falling out of love seemed to be like a such a silly thing. It you loved someone, wouldn't you love them forever? You'd cherish every living moment with them and light up at the sight of their smile. But love, being driving force of the universe, was tangible and uncertain. Love was another complicated matter in Remus' life. How he'd felt so silly to think she'd fallen for Sirius.

It wasn't that he hadn't noticed that she'd fallen for him. He'd fallen for her first. Of course he noticed, the light ink blushes. The sweet smiles. But he had a horrible way of concealing that he loved her to bits. Red cheeks. Stutters. Awkward smiles across the room. Being clumsy the moment he'd notice that she was in the room with him.

Remus just didn't want her to end up falling deeper for him. He couldn't love her. He couldn't give her everything she needed or wanted. He hoped to stay away. Yes, he loved her more than anything in world. More than he loved himself. She'd made him see things in a whole new light. He didn't believe he was good enough to be with her. But she spent so much time with him, every single moment told him that he wasn't a monster. That he was worth living. That he was worth receiving the gift of love and life.

Remus learned to hide his affections for people a long time ago. These emotions of love and longing, so raw and new, were more powerful than sheer force of will.

I now realize that the Burning of the Burrow wasn't actually in the books (please don't blame me, I don't have the books to go on and only the movies). I hope this revision more accurately tells the story that is in the books. Thank you for your patience and not calling me out on how this wasn't a canon event.

As an apology for the confusion I must've caused, I'll release a new chapter later today.

Sincerely sorry,
Abby