One Last Chance: A Nymphadora Tonks and Remus Lupin Love Story

LXI

Remus left later that morning. The trip to Shell Cottage would take quite a while, and Dora didn't want to hold him up for so long. She'd rather him come back early, than have him be roaming around at night.

Teddy was still asleep, so before Remus left, he gave her a kiss and begged she go back to bed. Dora presumed she must've looked exhausted. She was tired. How she wished she could go to bed. Teddy would wake up the moment she crawled under the covers.

Dora would be extremely bored. For the next at least eight hours. She mentally groaned, knowing there wasn't much to do around the house and Remus didn't want her or Teddy to be outside. It was more dangerous for the two of them since she was in labor about a week ago and hadn't cast aggressive spells for a good ten months and Teddy was utterly defenseless as a week old baby.

Learning mermish would have been more fun, she sarcastically thought. She walked into the living room and opened the window. Spring sunlight filled the room, making it seem brighter and happier than it usually was. The fresh smell of springtime and nature flooded her senses, making her breathe in deeply. The rich red roses and the delicate daisies were in bloom, giving her a feeling of peace and serenity.

For some reason, Dora and Remus maintained a garden. They didn't even realize they were growing a garden. Dora had started it when she was pregnant with Teddy, since neither of them had much to do other than check ups with her mother, Molly, and Madam Pomfrey. It grew delicate flowers and hopefully rich fruits and vegetables. Her tomato plants were doing well. As were the roses. Remus' pumpkins and squash wouldn't be ready until next fall.

Dora found a smile tugging at her lips. Then realized it was time to feed Teddy. She sighed happily, then headed inside.

Her son was in his crib, squirming happily as her saw his mother. Dora could swear he was smiling. She picked him up gently and sat down on the chair in his nursery so she could feed him.

Dora laughed as Teddy's hair delicately changed color, but in tufts. Where one tuft of hair was red one moment, it was a bright blue the next. She chuckled as he finally seemed to settle on a pastel blue color, mixed in with light pinks. Cotton candy, she mused, taking a picture with the camera that sat in the table in the room.

Teddy soon began to babble, smiling as he said quite the number of unknown things. Dora smiled.

"When you're older, you'll end up talking mine and your father's ears off." she giggled. Her son only seemed to agree.

For a moment, she forgot about the war. She forgot about everything. It was only her and Teddy. She pictured Remus was baking in the kitchen, making chocolate chip cookies instead of going on a seeming mission to Shell Cottage. Teddy would be a brilliant child. Smart, but with a devilish streak. She pictured their son gleefully telling the both of them a new prank idea he'd thought up. Her husband would sigh, but help nonetheless. The lines would have faded from his face. The gray streaks gone as if they were never there. Dora would only high five her son as he and his father talked.

She imagined finally having a family she and Remus could only dream of for the moment. Teddy being a great older brother to his younger siblings. Christmas celebrations with the Weasleys. Egg hunting around Easter. Just a happy family. How happy her mother would be to have grandchildren. Dora smiled, then suddenly felt the tears dripping down her face.

She knew she wouldn't survive. Fantasies now were hopeless. She and her husband couldn't fight. They'd been out of practice for too long. She, of course, didn't blame Teddy. The nightmares that she woke up crying from sat in the back of her mind.

She found herself back in Teddy's nursery, as dreams and hopes dissolving quickly. Teddy's face was wet, but he hadn't been crying. She looked at him apologetically, wiping his face gently with her shirt.

"Oh, I'm sorry, honey." she nearly laughed, her face still wet from crying, "We seem to both be crying a lot nowadays."

Teddy only looked up at his mother, his hands reached out for her to hold him. She complied and burped him. Then realized it was time to change his diaper. She sighed, somewhat frustrated her husband wasn't here to help.

Dora wasn't great at changing a diaper. She wished Remus was here since he did it quickly and discreetly. Unlike her, who struggled with it. Teddy laughed most of the time.

Afterwards, she'd put Teddy in his crib to rest.

She glanced out the window once more. Several hours had passed since her husband left. What if something happened to him? He could be starving, injured, alone. Dead... Dora tried to clear her thoughts then resorted to wearing one of Remus' sweaters to console herself.

She decided to nap and maybe get some rest for once. But the nightmares were worse that time. That her son, her beloved little boy, was dead. Or that he was a stillborn. It soon changed from his death to her husband's. That Remus was dead, and she could have prevented it. That it was all her fault. Or that he didn't love her anymore. Didn't want her anymore. Didn't need her anymore...

She couldn't do this anymore. So many deaths. So much pain. So many tears. So many were lost to the unnecessary cruelty of Voldemort and his Death Eaters. She'd finally found herself understanding Remus' fear of loving her. It was all her fault. So many things she could have done. All hope seemed lost. She couldn't do anything about it.

She suddenly sat up in bed, gasping for air. Tears were streaming down her cheeks. She was shaking, but not from the cold. She couldn't deal with this anymore. Dora grabbed a robe from the coat rack and gingerly stepped outside, grasping her wand tightly. She nearly slipped on her living room floor and the grass outside. The cold rain poured from the heavens, soaking her body completely. She could just stand here, feeling the harsh rain sting her pale and shivering skin. Dora closed her eyes, breathing in softly.

The sweet bitterness and mockery of rain. A night where she was a alone, shrouded in feelings of contempt and helplessness.

Hello everyone! Please don't expect updates at this time, because one, I was off today, and two if it were a weekend, I'd be sleeping. Anyway, what did you think of today's chapter? I swear, I nearly started crying as I wrote the end. Also crying as I'm writing the next chapter. I'm probably just a really sensitive person. Anyway, thank you all for the votes, comments, and just reading this story. I've put a lot of work into it and I hope you like it.

Question of the day: Favorite song?

I really don't have one. Unless you count complete musical soundtracks. (Hamilton is awesome.)

Anyway, see you next time. Love you all!
Abby