Fantasizing

Chapter 24

Chapter 24

That night I couldn't really sleep. I would've called King, but I just didn't feel like talking to him right now. That dream really put me at an awkward place. I just don't fully understand it. It's like my head says no, but my heart is saying yes. As cliche as that sounds that's exactly how it was. I just really need to get my head right. My emotions and thoughts were running wild. 

I got up from my bed. It was nearly three in the morning, and I still haven't gotten a wink of sleep, besides that nap from earlier. I dragged my feet in the kitchen being careful not to make any noise. I decided on making myself a cup of hot cocoa, even though it was late, I'm hoping it will soothe me. Then maybe I could get some sleep.

I opened the pantry cabinet looking for the hot cocoa packages when I heard some footsteps. I looked up to see my granny nearing the kitchen. "What are you doing up so late?" she asked rubbing her eyes. "I just can't really sleep a lot on my mind" she rubbed my back attempting comfort. It did help a bit. 

I sat down at the bar giving up on finding the hot cocoa for now. "Do you wanna talk baby?" granny asked in a low whisper. I had nothing to lose, and maybe she could help with the situation a bit. I nodded slowly. She took a seat next to me and sat with a face saying that her ears were open and she was ready to listen. "Okay, so you know that boy that came by earlier?" I started. She nodded slightly, most likely knowing exactly where the conversation was going. "Well we have a little history. We weren't together or anything, but I really wanted to be. In the end he hurt me. I mean I do love him, well I did and I just don't really know what do to. I just can't run into his arms like everything is okay, because what he did just wasn't good" I said kind of summing up the whole situation. I left out the part about Carmen, I don't really know why, I just felt like it wasn't needed. 

"Mhmm, well, I can tell you one thing for sure." she sat back crossing her arms. "What's that?"

"You still do love him. It ain't no 'I used to' about it. You wouldn't be stressing about this if you didn't" I couldn't do anything, but shake my head, because I did still love Ian. Alot, but I didn't want to love him. "Granny, I just don't know what to do. He hurt me so bad. It really felt like my heart crumbled into a million tiny pieces." I explained to her. "I just don't see how he could do something so bad to someone he supposedly loved."

"Well, I'm just going to be honest with you, men are stupid." I raised my eyebrow her, starting to giggle a little. "Trust me, I know from experience. I don't know exactly what the boy did, but I know it was most likely something that could've easily been avoided. Something like cheating." My granny knew everything, I didn't even have to tell her, and she knew. "Yea, I know they are," I mumbled.

She sighed, looking as if she was thinking, trying to find the right words to say. "Suga, I can't tell you exactly what to do in a situation as such." I nodded. "But one thing I can tell you is that if you really love him enough to forgive the boy, and look past what he did, then give him another chance. By all means do it Zen."

That was thing, it was so hard to forget what he did to me. It's the worst, and it makes you feel like shit. I don't want to be dumb, I really want Ian to suffer like I did. We sat in silence for a couple of minutes, just thinking. Granny settled her hand on top of mine, causing me to look at her, "Or, Zen, if you feel as if you can't deal with him, and he hurt you so bad that you just feel as if love isn't enough to save faith, then leave him alone. You are the only person that knows how you feel baby. If you feel as if you deserves better, than dammit, you go get someone who deserves you."

"Yes ma'am," I shook my head getting a little teary eyed, because I know I deserved more than Ian, and I know I was acting hard, but I honestly really wanted to give him another chance.I was so confused, and my mind was so jumbled. "But Granny, I keep telling myself, I don't need him, but my heart is telling me another thing."