Fantasizing

Chapter 26

Chapter 26

Zen

I don't know how in the hell I got in my bed, but when I woke up this morning I was there. It was really weird, because my shoes and jacket were off and hung up. I honestly don't even remember going to sleep last night.

Thinking about yesterday only gave me a headache. I mean how childish could two boys actually be? They may not have noticed that I noticed everything, but I definitely did. I didn't even really go to the bathroom, I just listened to their entire conversation. King was being his self, and sometimes his little cocky attitude really pissed me off, but that's just who he was. Ian was being dumb, just because he isn't the only boy in my life. And the little slick comment he made about me being 'his' had to be handled. I wasn't his or anybodies I was my own.

Just because we made up doesn't mean I trust him, because I don't. King really had a point about some of the stuff he said. I just wished they would've been nicer to each other. I don't even want to talk to Ian after last night. He always thinks someone is against him or something.

I watched King walk to his car. Ian pulled me aside looking at me like I was dumb. "Why you doing this? You know I'm leaving tomorrow morning and you wanna go home with him?" he almost yelled. I rolled my eyes. Here his jealous ass go. "Ian I already told you. He going right home. It only makes sense" I said calmly. I was not about to argue with him tonight.

"And you know what you was doing tonight. You really starting to act like a lil hoe" He said half mumbling. I heard every word he said loud and clear though. Who the fuck does he think he is? "Excuse me?" I said giving him a chance to correct himself. "You heard me. I came here for you, while you all in somebody else face" He kept yelling. I rolled my eyes. "Ian why you even tripping? It's not like we together"

I told him that I didn't want to be with him in the first place. If I wanted to flirt with other boys I would, even if it was in front of his face. He obviously wasn't thinking about me when he was all up under Carmen. I would say this shit out loud, but I'm not like him. I don't like to hurt feelings. "You know how the fuck I feel about you though" he yelled. He looked like he was about to grab me or put his hands on me in some way.

This nigga must've lost his mind. The fuck he raising his voice at me for? And I wish he would touch me. "And your ass knew exactly how I felt when you were fucking Carmen. Didn't you?" I spoke my mind. I don't give a fuck how bad it made him feel anymore. I don't care how hard it hit him or none of that. The fact of the matter is, it still happened

This features softened and he looked at me like he did the night I caught them in his bed. "I thought we were over that Zen" he said as I shook my head rapidly. I defiantly wasn't. Not yet anyway.

I sighed "Ian. You really shouldn't have even came. We're over. We were over when I left Chicago, and we were over when we had sex. It's all done. I was just confused with my feelings at that time" I admitted. At this point it was clear. I thought I could give Ian another chance, but I just can't. It's too hard to even look at him still without seeing her in his eyes. I thought I could let it go for love, but I just couldn't it was tearing me apart inside.

"You don't mean that shit Zen. We letting that shit go. The past is the past." He said softly trying to pull me into a hug. I pulled away and looked back. The tears were threatening to fall and I couldn't hold them back. "Yes I do. We just can't be together. After all the hurt and pain you put me through I can't take it. And I know you Ian. And I know you probably were messing around with her again even after I found out. It wasn't even like y'all only did it one time. It was more. I just can't trust you"