The Regret(Editing)

I Can't Tell Her

It was getting late and it was already 12:30 am. I couldn't sleep at all. My mind was all over the place. I tossed and turned, but I just couldn't get to sleep. I got out of bed and went to the bathroom to wash my tear encrusted face. I looked in the mirror and all I could see was baggy eyes, and pale skin. I walk out of the bathroom and pick up my phone that was charging and I see several different texts and missed phone calls from Jimin, Yoongi and Alex, but none from Hobi. My stomach twisted into a knot seeing Alex's name appearing on my phone. What did she want from me other than try to get closer to Hobi?  I was a little disappointed that he didn't text me at all. I was starting to lose hope. I didn't want to hear any more lectures from Namjoon or anyone else so I didn't bother to call back. I put my phone back on the charger and leave the room to go to the kitchen. I thought having hot chocolate would help relieve me of the stress and make me sleepy.

I look at the top cabinet and take out a pack of rich dark chocolate and put the contents in a mug, while I wait for the water on the stove to boil. About five minutes I poured the water into the mug and grabbed a choco pie and went into the living room and sat on the couch. I turned on the tv and the first thing I saw was BTS on TV performing to Mic Drop. I stared at the tv memorized by their every move. And then I saw Hobi. He was passionate in his dancing, his body flowed to the music. It was amazing. Everything was amazing about him, but I still couldn't understand why he was so upset afterwards.

I laid down on the couch eating away my feelings, the brightness of the tv nearly blinded me, disguising the fact that I was fighting back the salty tears that ran down my face. I felt hopeless, numb, guilty, selfish, and afraid. I hear several slams of van doors, and the sound of footsteps approaching the door. My heart was pounding so loudly it felt like at any moment it would pop out. I turned on the tv, grabbed my mug, the rest of the choco pie and wrappers, that were all over the floor, and tip toed out of the living room, before they could see me. I walked straight through the kitchen, turned right at the end of the corner and opened a door that lead to a secret basement. No one accept me, knew about the hidden basement. In fact, when we moved in, we didn't really care what the house had, the boys were just too excited to have their own floors with their own bedrooms, bathrooms and recording studio. As for me I took the time to explore the rest of the house and just so happen to find a small basement. The secret basement was where I would go to clear my mind and have time to myself when things would get a little out of hand when the boys got into an argument or just just a place to escape.

I descended the stairs until I reach the last step and turned on the lamp that was on the mini dresser. The room was dim and sound proof that no one knew I was ever actually down here. The room was light pink, with a white rocking chair, a flat screen Tv, two medium sized shelfs filled with novels, comics, mangas, cookbooks, kpop and fashion magazines. I even put a mini fridge and cabinet to store my snacks and drinks. In the back there was an oversize fuzzy, light pink floor pillow, draped with light pink curtains, where I can lay down and read. It was my own little sanctuary.

I decided to lay on the puffy couch, finishing the rest of my hot cocoa and choco pie. My eyes were becoming dreary and I was nodding of every five seconds and I finally drifted to sleep. I woke up and it was 2:30 am, on the clock that was hanging on the wall. I thought I was asleep for several hours but it turned out that I was only asleep for 30 minutes, which disappointed me. I let out a frustrated groan, rubbed my eyes and stretched out my whole entire body, cracking several bones that sent a tremendous relieve all around me. I figured the boys and Hobi are probably sleeping by now, but I still didn't want to sleep in the bed with Hobi. I went back upstairs to find the house dark and in absolute silence. I entered the living room and I see a man on the couch, with his head down, staring at the floor, shaking his legs in an up and down motion. It looked like Hobi. He slowly turns his head around, hair covering his face, and jolts out of his seat and hugs me tightly, almost falling down in the process.